Not understanding how I feel?

I pulled a muscle in the gym last week and as result my ear was glued to my shoulder. I was given Diazepam to release it (given permission to eat it as I cant swallow drugs). It did the job and I realised all my teethgrinding stopped. I didnt notice too much why taking but since I have stopped taking it I've come to accept I must have anxiety as my mind as been a constant rage and I've felt mentally underseige since and the teethgrinding strated again.

Thatcher, benifit myths and people whom avoid evidence are doing my head in, and I'm hitting self destruct by aggressively challenging people on FB.

So long and short...I have anxiety. Probably sod all I can do about it. 

I feel ok at the moment during conscious hours, but have a weird sensation in the roof of my mouth. Most likely from nocturnal sleep grinding, which is caused from anxiety. Only I dont feel anxious

I don't know what I can do about anxiety I don't feel. My mouth is acheing badly (and pulsing) and painkillers aint working. grrrrrrrrr

In a outward sense. Such as skills, hygene etc, I'm very aware and I like criticism as I can control it. What you've said makes sense, and I think Im in control of not lashing out (although ocasionally I lash out my tongue). But in the past I've perhaps not acknowledged that I'm anxious, maybe when the scenario was over the "anxiety" would go and that be that. Where as now I'm thinking about it. Hopefully it's just a passing thing, process of diagnosis and coming to terms with it. I had quite a lot of mixed when I got a dyslexia diagnosis, eventually it settled down and I accepted I had limitations in certain areas.

If this jittery feeling/actions is what other people call anxiety, then more diagnostic criteria makes sense.

I do notice NT's lie all day everyday. Particulary people who talk/bluff "business"

I'm not sure neurotypicals can really control their feelings either.

Rather their brains appear to tell them the lie that what they're feeling is what they wanted to feel in the first place.

However, I think that knowing your feelings, without needing the lie of thinking whatever one is feeling is what one wants to feel, can be a good thing.

I think it's part of what Buddists call Mindfullness.

Or something like that.

Today I had a task to do at work. Record 3 vocal actors; then 5 actors singing a song. All were students. I didn't know anyone other than the lecturer that accompanied them. I was racing around trying to make everything "perfect", recording and mixing is one aspect of my job Im confident in. I had lots of experience in it prior to stating this job and most of my University dissatation was based around this area. Prior to starting I had everything loaded up in Pro-Tools as I don't like people observing me unessasarily. The mics, were in position, the headphone moniters were ready etc. However I noticed the lecturer was talking to me differently than normal, maybe concerned. I then noticed I was a bit jittery. What makes this odd is the lecturer whom is very very good at her job is a bit of a ballbuster, who can run people into the ground. So it was quite alarming that I got this softer tone and it's being playing on my mind since. I wonder if this is the anxiety that people talk about?

Not sure if recognising feeling (if that's what ive done?) is good or bad? 

If I can't control them I wonder if it's benificial to know. hmmmm.

I must admit as a teenager I used to love a bit of weed. I used to love pipe's, I didnt like tabacco tho.

However I used to love cocaine, but not for partying just a little touch and have a nice pleasent dream.

E's dont agree with me, Alchohol used to be great but I partied to hard when my best friend son was born on Cogncac & Ale, and just don't fancy drinking ever again. I've bee t-total since bar a odd glass with a meal.

Makes sense about the amygdalae

My gf mental health team say I'm the most layed back person they've met, but Im not sure if that means non-judgemental. I couldn't give a monkey's what anyone want's to do as long as it doesn't hurt me.

I don't lucid dream, but I do love some repiticious trancendental music, classical, some industrial, black metal, ambient electronica. Better with headphones & I feel completely care free in this environment.

I've got to be honest, I only researched Pyschology from about 05 onwards (I'd be about 22/23) when I was studying Music Technology we studied how sound is transferred from ear to brain, and I got the bug for wanting to research Neuroscience (but I can't wrong Degree etc). Through this I discovered dyslexia and having it.

I've always knew I was different, but I wasnt sure if that was because of my misanthropic outlook. I've always seen society as absurd. When I was a teenager I distanced myself from mainstream society by my taste in music, body piercings and tattoo's. These are things I've always been interested in, however I do like the dualistic symbolism of sticking two fingers up at a world I find in all honesty silly. So I've alway's knew I was "different" and being rubbish at English, Drama and beeing ace at Maths, Sciene, Technology wasnt cutting it. I also didnt have a GF until I was 17, couldnt be bothered with social interaction, at that age I just wanted GF that wasnt going to moan about nothing (or what I percieved as nothing).

Hope said:

When I was a child I could will my dream by thinking about something very deeply and closing my eyes very tight, and then I would transport myself onto a concrete path in my dream, but know I was dreaming.

That's lucid dreaming - being aware that you're dreaming and being able to direct the dream.

The rest of what you describe sounds like a combination of very vivid dreams (which I too have always had), and a type of sleep paralysis, or hypnogogic state (which I also have experienced from time to time).

I don't know if I lucid dream but I do have very intense dreams. I can be half awake and half dreaming, the most wonderful state of relaxation which I don't want to wake up from because normally I am so stressed. Classical music often puts me in this state, and I can hallucinate in the early stages of sleep: hear a lovely sound or a clear voice. I am dreaming, but am half awake. I am so relaxed that my body jerks automatically, and I almost experience directly my dream. When I was a child I could will my dream by thinking about something very deeply and closing my eyes very tight, and then I would transport myself onto a concrete path in my dream, but know I was dreaming.

Einfallspinsel said:

[quote][/quote]

we Aspies and Auties spend most of our lives up around 7, 8, or 9, and normally only getting as low as 4, 5, or 6, when 'relaxed', hence we sometimes turn to alchohol and cannabis as a way to reach those hallowed 1, 2, and 3 levels.

I can understand that reaction. I pondered it myself, but I want to avoid being dependend on something external.

I think the closest I ever get to "1,2,3" on your scale is when I notice that I'm dreaming but I don't wake up. Then my senses are numbed by sleep, I can't move physically, but I can think (almost) normally. Then I just stroll around while the dream goes on, or I fly, or whatever, it's so different, I just want to stay there... I heard many have lost this ability (lucid dreaming) after taking drugs, that's why I'm not touching any.

Oh wow! You lucid dream! You're very lucky - I can't remember the stats but very few people can do that! Or at least remember doing it.

Oh, and I've heard some people have gained the ability to lucid dream, after taking drugs!

But it probably depends on the drugs used.

And I suspect the reality is that some, the lucky few like yourself, can lucid dream naturally, and for some it takes either drugs or training.

The one thing I do know is that cannabis stops you remembering your dreams (you stll have them, but you wake up to long after them to remember them).

Some prescription 'sleeping pills' probably can stop you dreaming - because they just knock you out, rather than actually sending you to sleep.

Not sure about alcohol, but it's a sedative, so probably works similarly to prescription sleeping pills.

Scorpion0x17 said:

we Aspies and Auties spend most of our lives up around 7, 8, or 9, and normally only getting as low as 4, 5, or 6, when 'relaxed', hence we sometimes turn to alchohol and cannabis as a way to reach those hallowed 1, 2, and 3 levels.

I can understand that reaction. I pondered it myself, but I want to avoid being dependend on something external.

I think the closest I ever get to "1,2,3" on your scale is when I notice that I'm dreaming but I don't wake up. Then my senses are numbed by sleep, I can't move physically, but I can think (almost) normally. Then I just stroll around while the dream goes on, or I fly, or whatever, it's so different, I just want to stay there... I heard many have lost this ability (lucid dreaming) after taking drugs, that's why I'm not touching any.

Yeah, that's pretty much how I understand it, Einfallspinsel.

In the talk I went to see recently by Tony Attwood, he explained that if one imagines a scale from 0 to 10, where 10 is full on fight-flight-freeze mode, and 0 is as relaxed as it's possible for a neurotypical to get, we Aspies and Auties spend most of our lives up around 7, 8, or 9, and normally only getting as low as 4, 5, or 6, when 'relaxed', hence we sometimes turn to alchohol and cannabis as a way to reach those hallowed 1, 2, and 3 levels.

LOL!

I was exactly the same before my diagnosis!

"Do I have it? I think I do, but I don't know for sure, 100%, that I do"

And even after diagnosis, I still had "What if they got it wrong?!" running through my head!

Particularly when I read about things that are meant to be key characteristics of being on the spectrum to which I thought "I don't have/do that!"

For example, I also don't feel I'm anxious, though people keep on telling me I am! But then I asked my self "Do I know what 'anxious' even means?!" and I realised I don't!

But I do worry about things - maybe this is what neurotypicals mean by being anxious? I don't know! Oh well.

But then, something that is also a characteristic of being on the spectrum is not knowing what a feeling feels like! So maybe I am anxious, but I just don't know it!

Also, it's said that we have an enlarged Amygdala (the part in the brain that 'feels' emotion and coordinates the appropriate level fight/flight/freeze response) but also one that has fewer connections to and from the Frontal Cortex (where the concious 'us' resides).

How that fits in, I don't know (but kinda makes sense).

Regarding reading up, I think you're right to be cautious, I too tried to stop myself from reading too much, for fear of getting a false-positive diagnosis, however I realised that I was also 99.9999999...% sure I had Asperger's precisely because I already knew a lot about it and it was the only thing that I'd ever found that 'fit'.

I suspect, like me, you've spent a portion of your life researching psychology and psychiatry in a completely non-formal way in order to try to answer the question "why am I not 'normal'?"