Not coming across like an unfeeling so-and-so on a forum

I would love to know how people judge this in text messages, as surely it is subjective based on their interpretation of the relationship, and as such can vary from both sides?  I find kisses weird as well as I wouldn't kiss that person if I met them in person so why would I do that in a text?  I have a rule where only my partner gets kisses in text messages, because I would actually kiss him in person.  I have been pulled up on this by people previously and I just explained my above point.  It get ridiculous when I hear people debating the status of a relationship because they only put two kisses as apposed to three.  Seriously??  Just seems a load of nonsense to me.  If the person is speaking to you and you are on good terms, what more do you need? 

I really struggle with text messages. I have unwittingly fell out with one or two friends because of text misunderstandings. It inevitably comes down to me not having included a 'lol' or exclamation mark. Or, not having included the appropriate amount of kisses xx.

I worry that I may offend people on here at times but I console myself that I am always writing with the right intention and trying to give a different perspective even if it’s not necessarily popular. One thing I struggle with on here is the length of some of the posts and I just can’t cope with reading them on my phone, so also I might have something to contribute if the post is more than about twenty lines I give up

Andrew

This is Posted mostly in great support of Mr.StarBuck's Post there. I could have written such a Reply myself (!). As they say: Just keep on keeping on...

Yes - I have been described as cold, blunt and lacking in empathy for the feelings of others, when really I have only highlighted the obvious and facts of a situation.  This has resulted in me losing friends in the past through either completely misreading a situation or responding in a manner which others have found to be deeply insulting.  To this day, I still don't know why I have fallen out with some individuals as a result of miscommunication.  It would be so much easier if people would just be honest and tell me what I have apparently done wrong, so I can at least learn from it if nothing else!

Yes, though moreso with verbal interaction with people.  I find written communication easier to cope with as I can spend time re-reading it and editing it.  I find that I edit it depending on who the audience is, based on previous interactions with similar people and learning what things I am 'meant' to say.  So I do sometimes try to work out if it seems a little too 'matter of fact' for some groups of people.  This process takes too long in a verbal conversation as I have to try and process what someone says, think of my initial response, stop myself from saying it and then try to work out what would be 'more acceptable' to the person I'm talking to.

This edited version appears to help other people see that I do care about others.

If I were writing as me without the edits though it would be 'matter-of-fact'.  That does seem to make people think that I don't care about them, even though I do.  It's very difficult trying to work out what other people think is a way of expressing that you care about them.  

I also find that other people have trouble accepting that the things that I say really are what I mean.  I get frustrated with people who decide that something I have said means something else.  This is particularly frustrating when other people place value judgements on something that I haven't.  A classic example would be someone asking what I think of someone in a particular outfit, i.e. does a person's bum look fat in a particular pair of trousers.  My initial response would be 'define looking fat', simply because I think it's a subjective question and I wouldn't be able to answer it without knowing what the definition of 'looking fat' is.  I also don't particularly care about what another person's bum looks like in a particular pair of trousers, that really is for them to decide for themselves.  However, the comment 'define looking fat' is sometimes taken as some kind of joke or insult and seems to be suggestive that I am saying that they are fat, which I'm not.  I've had similar issues with other comments where people make an assumption about a response because they have placed a value on it that I haven't.  I have started stating that to people ("you've placed a value judgement on what I said which I haven't, which means you've jumped to an incorrect conclusion") but it just seems to confuse them and they assume that I'm trying to get out of offending them.

So yes, being 'matter of fact' does seem to get me into all sorts of unintended trouble.

I would agree, yet the Title and SubText of this Thread mention too many other disparate Topics all in one go... (unfeeling, forum, written-communication, and matter-of-fact.)

...All in all, that would amount to a 'Yes', then, it seems... (!)