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Am I really THAT different.

The Foyster
over 6 years ago

So, I'm twenty two years old and I was recently diagnosed a few months ago but then I've never really felt like I belong,
I've made friends in the past, but we all seem to grow apart. 

I'm not sure how to go about making more, I've tried going out on night's out and stuff, as I'm "Supposed to do." at my age, like Nightclubs, and bars, pubs. 
I don't drink, nor am I allowed, so people slowly get more and more drunk, and their inhibitions go. I find myself just feeling uncomfortable.

It's not that I DONT like talking to people, it's really that I don't know how to engage certain situations, since people aren't honest.

People can say "Oh, yeah I'm fine." and I'll think "Oh okay -carries on talking-" then they just like snap and get pissy, and im like "What?" 

Nightclubs are not really that fun, if you're not drinking. (maybe its not even if you are.) but yeah, people shove past you, you get crowded in. People look at you strangely cs' you're just in the corner looking at the lights reflect on the smoke, and listening to the overwhelming loud music.

I feel like I'm losing everyone I know, that I care about. Because I don't know how to keep them in my life. 

I can't find a partner, because I don't even know who i am, and the fake persona I've used for years is slowly fading, cs' I don't want to be that person anymore, I want to be myself. But the only people that accept me as that, are my immediate family (Which isn't a complaint) but it'd be nice to have some other people.

Does anyone else experience this sort of thing, or has in the past and found a solution, cs' I'm not sure how to deal with this, and a sure answer of what to do would be amazing.

Thanks, I'm new to this community by the way, I hope I havent dragged you all down with my trivial problems. 

Parents
  • over 6 years ago

    Hi ,

    I know what you mean. For me, I thought I had "friends", but didn't realise until later than being "friends" and "friendly" were very different things. Those people I was friendly with all went off to do their own thing (uni for most), and I mine.

    I also tried clubbing once, but it wasn't that great. I think that the bright lights, loud noises and crowding can make people uncomfortable as well, so I'm not surprised you didn't enjoy it! I don't drink either, like you. I find that while it's quite easy to be friendly with people since it is low commitment and low investment, people don't want to be friends as easily, since it requires more commitment and investment.

    Personally, I really enjoy talking to people. I do find it difficult sometimes to keep a conversation going, but I do try my best - even if what I say to keep it going is a little artificial, I'd hope that people would appreciate my effort!

    I think the first step is for you to accept who you are. Other people will then begin to accept you, and letting them know that you have autism and explaining that you're trying your best is actually really well-received - people will appreciate that you are making such an effort to get to know them. However, make sure that it isn't a one way street - it takes two to make a relationship work! For now, I'm not interested in any love life - I'd like to redirect my energies into my career instead!

    This sounds like something off of a broken record, but going to a society or joining a local activity club is really helpful for meeting people. The activity or location provides natural conversation, and you can work together with people. On that point, volunteering is also really good as well!x

    I hope this helps - do feel free to message me if you'd like to talk more, as it sounds like we have quite similar views and experiences, and it'd be nice to get to know you more!x

    Much love <3

Reply
  • over 6 years ago

    Hi ,

    I know what you mean. For me, I thought I had "friends", but didn't realise until later than being "friends" and "friendly" were very different things. Those people I was friendly with all went off to do their own thing (uni for most), and I mine.

    I also tried clubbing once, but it wasn't that great. I think that the bright lights, loud noises and crowding can make people uncomfortable as well, so I'm not surprised you didn't enjoy it! I don't drink either, like you. I find that while it's quite easy to be friendly with people since it is low commitment and low investment, people don't want to be friends as easily, since it requires more commitment and investment.

    Personally, I really enjoy talking to people. I do find it difficult sometimes to keep a conversation going, but I do try my best - even if what I say to keep it going is a little artificial, I'd hope that people would appreciate my effort!

    I think the first step is for you to accept who you are. Other people will then begin to accept you, and letting them know that you have autism and explaining that you're trying your best is actually really well-received - people will appreciate that you are making such an effort to get to know them. However, make sure that it isn't a one way street - it takes two to make a relationship work! For now, I'm not interested in any love life - I'd like to redirect my energies into my career instead!

    This sounds like something off of a broken record, but going to a society or joining a local activity club is really helpful for meeting people. The activity or location provides natural conversation, and you can work together with people. On that point, volunteering is also really good as well!x

    I hope this helps - do feel free to message me if you'd like to talk more, as it sounds like we have quite similar views and experiences, and it'd be nice to get to know you more!x

    Much love <3

Children
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