Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought I had it all under control until this weekend. I finished xmas shopping 2 weeks ago (online of course).
Then this weekend happened and I remembered how much needs doing at home, none of which I will get any help with. In fact I will probably get made to feel guilty for spending so much time making sure our house doesn't look like a s%&t-tip when my family come on xmas day. I feel like I never manage to do anything anyway, because holding down my full time job with 4hr a day commute takes all the energy I have, and there's none left for anything else. Nor any time.
Add to that my neighbour (very elderly) called me yesterday, which is normally the precursor to my being summoned for something or another. It's mostly this which has caused my anxiety levels to go through the roof. I dread her phoning me. I don't have time to keep going over there and then I feel like a bad person because she's old and lonely ..... but on the other hand she has a live in carer and her family are in the same village as us, so why do I have to be made to feel that way? If I do go over there, I am always left feeling like I am being told off about something (you never come to see me, I could hear your husband's guitar the other day, do you want me to get my gardener to do xxxx in your garden, the implication being that I am not keeping it tidy enough for her ....) I just wish she would decide she doesn't like me and leave me alone. I also feel like I am being watched all the time. She knows when I go out, when I get home, when my mum last visited ..... I know she has nothing better to do, but it creeps me out tbh.
I thought I was doing really well with the whole xmas thing but now I feel like a wreck again and just want to hide in a corner. And I have got to work for half of this week. It's probably a good thing that I am here on my own now or I would probably end up losing it and yelling at someone by the end of the day. Has anyone else found a way to keep a lid on the xmas panic?
Hi Moggsy,
I think you've done brilliantly. Give yourself some credit.
Coincidentally, I've just posted something else in my 'Christmas' post, along the same lines. I'm worrying about how people with feel this year, with my not sending cards or giving gifts. As with everything else, I'm over-analysing it, I suppose. I worry too much what other people think, and I need to stop. I've put the lid on it by sticking to my guns - and just sending a final email of explanation to my brother. He - or rather, his wife - probably thinks I should make the effort. But I no longer care what they think. The rest of the family will hopefully understand.
I'm going to be alone over Christmas. It's the only way I can get through it. I know it's more complicated for you, though. Don't forget we'll all be here over the season. We can all vent and drown our frustrations together!
Take care,
Tom
Aww thanks Tom. I've read your post too and I think you have far more to cope with than me. I find your response and your email to your brother is very considered and if it were me I think I would have given up by now, had nothing to do with the awful sister in law and devoted the attention to the niece instead. But then I guess I am a bridge-burning sort of a person in that regard. We have a similar problem in our family, with my partner's brother, who he's very close to. He has taken up with this ghastly woman who no-one in the family likes. It's not her that is controlling in this case so much as her family, but they definitely try to pull the strings and partner's little brother is being manipulated ... we can all see it but he can't / won't .... it is so hard isn't it? To know what to do for the best .....
Not caring what they think is probably the best way to be from a self-care point of view. We can only give so much before it starts harming us, an being able to recognise when that point is being reached is pretty important, I reckon.
I am glad for this place and that folks will be here who will understand. We can hide out together :-) I hope you get through Christmas OK and that you can still feel something of your dear mum there with you .....