I hate shopping!

You didn't mention the music!!  I avoid most issues by going to Sainsbury's at 7am Saturday when there are very few, and always the same, people. The isles are wide and I mostly just buy the same things every week, reducing decisions.  Most of the time they don't have music on but if they do I find it difficult and my friend will ask them to turn it down.  I very seldom go anywhere else,.. B&Q occasionally - I take ear plugs, which are not as effective as I would like. I always carry ear plugs or the rare occasions I leave the house.

I also find online shopping a boon but I wish the items were packed better and not so roughly treated.  I hate damaged goods.  Returning items requires a visit to a friend as I cannot go into a post office, which are now all counters a the back of a shop, with a queue.

I think you're saying you don't do politics, or am I just projecting again?

I am also in a management position....the upside is as you say the skill set to follow routine, be reliable, honest, fair, logical and a har worker.

being managed however by illogical people is another thing though....which I struggle with....I like things black and white....clear rules....we have to achieve x, to do this means x, so if you can do this it’s and this, I will support by doing this, it needs to be done by this deadline.

That's the case for me. A good solution can be to get the person you're shopping with to drop you at a more interesting location while they go do the bits that drive you spare.

DongFeng5 said:

Modern houses are just terrible. Front doors that seem to open right onto the pavement. No front garden, so it feels like people walking by are in your front room; tiny rooms and postage stamp back gardens that makes it feel like we are all rats in an overcrowded cage.

And all of them - even the huge executive-size ones - look like they've been constructed from pre-fabricated, homogeneous bits.  Standard, utilitarian, no character.  'Little boxes on the hillside... all made out of ticky-tacky, and they all look just the same'!

Additionally, I'm largely driven by logic - not my feelings, which I've been suppressing since the age of about ten.

This is perhaps why I've been able to accomplish what I have in my career to date; I've been able to force through necessary decisions dictated by the logic of a situation and the options available, when others would have been dithering over what people might have felt. On the other hand, I was also successful in management, because I always tried to treat people the way I would have wished to have been treated myself, and never tried to exploit anyone. This perhaps made me extremely predictable, but at the same time meant that people often felt they "knew where they were with DongFeng5". They knew I would typically take responsibility for something that went wrong, but ensure they got recognition when things went well.

My sense of humour hopefully shows through in the last line of the above post. I really did score a 6 on the EQ-60, and I am still dealing with the implications of that in my mind.

This is just so interesting. The more I read on this forum, the more it feels like a jigsaw is dropping neatly into place.

The town where I grew up had a special fair at a particular time every Autumn. The streets were always jam-packed with people and market stalls. Being a child made it worse because you couldn't see over the crowd, even occasionally. You were hemmed-in and under siege.

I must have been quite young, maybe three or five, but I remember feelings of rage welling up that were only just controllable; of wanting to just shove complete strangers out of the way because it felt like everyone was on top of me and I couldn't breathe. I never did this, of course, because I internalised it and got upset rather than lashing out, but I suppose I have always had a kind of aversion to crowds. I'm not particularly claustrophobic, but I just don't want to be surrounded by loads of people. There is too much going on. I hate shopping at Christmas time, because even though I'm much older now I can still sense the echoes of those feelings from long ago. Perhaps this is why I tend to opt not to go anywhere; it is just too much hassle. This upsets my other half, who really wanted to go out and see the world. I suppose motorcycling suited me for the same reasons. No one talking in my ear, and the freedom to pass all the idiots queuing in their cars and clogging up the roads.

Modern houses are just terrible. Front doors that seem to open right onto the pavement. No front garden, so it feels like people walking by are in your front room; tiny rooms and postage stamp back gardens that makes it feel like we are all rats in an overcrowded cage.

Our local authority is building a LOT more houses in our area. If I had wanted to live in a built-up area, I would have moved into one.

Did I mention that after taking the AQ test I also did the EQ-60? My EQ-60 score was 6.

For me what matters in a shop is to feel relaxed and at ease.  It's not always dependent on prices or brand.  Sometimes it's the time of day or night!

It's a case of you know it when you're in it.

I Mentioned that I avoided Aldi today. Well I do go there after 9pm.

I also avoided Waitrose.  I shop there when it's quieter and I need something only they stock.

The shop I mentioned earlier that had been redeveloped.  It was very quiet on my last visit.  But I still walked out because I hated the new look & feel.

Some shops i like because of familiar cashiers who are friendly and relaxed.

I have a favourite supermarket that I prefer to go to. I know the layout, I know some of the staff, I'm familiar with the building and the way it looks and the way it smells. My other half prefers a cheaper store and will insist on dragging me there, and can't understand why I want to continue shopping in the more expensive store. I can't explain it, I just feel more comfortable going to the same store.

Other tips for successful shopping is to know which shops make you feel at ease and try to stick to them.  The question of what makes a relaxing shop is a bit complicated.

I remember one supermarket near my high school, that was my favourite from the first day I shopped there.  I often went there on my way home and later on visited it whenever I was in the area. I always felt relaxed and enjoyed the experience, the atmosphere, the layout, the light from the large windows onto the checkouts.  Then around three years ago I popped in and it had been redeveloped, the isles were in different directions, windows bricked up. Checkouts at other side.  And I hated it.  I left without buying anything and I haven't been back.

He doesn't have a lot of empathy, bless him. I am also tall with big feet (13) and find shopping online better than trawling round countless shops only to be disappointed.

I'm tempted to try click and collect for groceries. But I've heard bad reviews of it.

Robert124 said:

I was also alone so nobody was forcing me to go where I didn't want to go 

I can only shop alone.  I just need to concentrate on what I need - then get out!

The trick to successful shopping is to figure out what it is about the shopping experience that makes it so uncomfortable and avoid that environment.

Today, I went shopping twice with no unpleasantness. I knew from experience which supermarkets were overcrowded at this day/time and went to the quieter peaceful ones.  Instead of Aldi with its fast moving and shoving culture I went next door to Fultons.  Still bought what I needed with minimal queuing and relaxed atmosphere.  Later I went past Waitrose.  That was crowded!!!! And went to a smaller Asda. Again quiet and I used the self service machine leisurely.

I was also alone so nobody was forcing me to go where I didn't want to go 

Graham357 said:

All that noise, all that choice, all the offers, and colours, and people asking if you have store cards, and people trying to sell you things or asking you to fill in surveys... Give me a day spent indoors any time.

Right with you.  I've just popped to my local supermarket for a couple of bottles of beer - and the place was heaving.  People pushing in, people shouting into their phones, screaming kids, awful Christmas muzak playing.  I couldn't wait to get out and home again to the peace.  I mourn the loss of the High Street to the big retailers and Amazon (Jeff Bezos is now officially the richest man in the world), but I try to steer clear of my High Street - especially on a Saturday, when the market's there.  It's nice, in its way.  But it's just full of people!

As for choice... I went to B&Q yesterday to get some lights for my tree.  All I wanted was a simple box of simple lights - about 40.  But their choice is astonishing.  Shelves of them.  Flashing ones, shimmering ones, snow-flake-shaped ones...  dozens of them.  I found what I wanted, but not before becoming utterly confused and bewildered, and almost walking out.

I'm very tall and have large feet (15), so I generally have to order most of my clothes and shoes from specialist retailers online, so at least I'm spared that.

How well does your partner understand your issues?