Dog to help with anxiety and confidence

I am not certain which "reply" shows up upon whose machines or where and how and why... and so I "reply" to the "reply" which is apparently direct to ME.

Thank you so very much, AD (!), for writing this and for defending me as well --- I truly mean that. But I don't want to continue upon this page (...), although I *am* interested in seeing if "threads/subjects" within other related "threads/subjects" are "permitted" or not. Yet most of all, I try to keep this "reply-to-a-reply" short, HERE. If you or anyone are having trouble finding the new "area/thread/forum" I have started, then this is (currently) the title:

AUTISTIC PEOPLE ON THE (N.A.S.) INTERNET, AND "HOW-TO" USE IT.

If anyone reading can at least find the "search box" on their machine/device, then enter that or "keywords" or combinations of that title and you shall (in theory) find it.

Concerning this "Puppy for a Child" area here, stay here, please. Concerning <> "(how) Autistic persons want a friend (or puppy/cat/other-animal) or lack thereof..."... that may well warrant a whole NEW "thread/forum", but I would not know. Nonetheless, you are welcome, and/or to continue this "replied-to" subject, at least at the "thread/forum" I state, there.

Lastly, if I appear to have accidentally posted anything twice, I apologise, but I don't dare get rid of either, since this might accidentally get rid of BOTH. Errors and mistakes like this are discussed on the other thread I started and mentioned here.

Just thinking of a relative's beagle girl, already the second one, they were/are lovely with kids (and everybody else).

NAS24883 said:

I would go further and suggest that you are removed from this community as your input is not what forums such as this exist for.

in response to what is very clearly a 'social and communication' difficulty ON the National Autistic Societies community forum.

This is the bit that touched me the most about your reply:

Disallowed Cynosure said:

I am also Autistic and I would LOVE any kind of FRIEND

Sorry predictatext. Dalmation. 

Thanks xx no donations for us

Back on subject,  Pleeeease don't get a Dalmatian (sure you know this), they are the most wonderful creatures, my first dog was a liver spotted one who I bought all by myself as a puppy, I was devoted to him, but he was relentless in his need for attention and they usually are, including the one we have now who is 11 1/2, no one believes he's older than 3!

You definitely need a breed that will have humour but mature into some kind of sense quite young or you will all be tripley exhausted.  That's also why I suggested reputable breeder as breeds very much have personalities, though obviously some of the pedigrees are predisposed to health defects too.  It's a shame the Assistance dogs charity can't help even with a recommended breed/ breeder.

Persuade a friend to rehome a Dalmation so that Harry and your dog can visit and play and then leave it for them to be exhausted !!!  Good luck. x 

Thank you for everyone's replies . Dc has decided to go on a different thread to consider the bigger issues raised. It's genuinely made me think. Can an autistic person ever be accused of being rude ? Is it wrong of a non autistic person to be offended or does that show a lack of understanding?Hopefully that's the end of it on this thread as i only ever wanted advice on dogs. Ive got some great advice and im excited about our new doggy family member. When we find the right dog I will post an update x

I'd file the gender thing under 'typo' as that seems the most likely, don't you think? Especially when everybody got a bit heated and nothing else suggests otherwise. Not too keen on that black and white gender thing anyway, there's probably a bit of a girl in every boy and the other way round.

To NAS24896. Thank you so very very much. You are a ray of sunshine attempting to blast through a thunderstorm which I did not mean to create. Most of all, I would never dare to write what you have written, for it did not occur to me that the main Lady (Tracey?) and anyone else were NOT THEMSELVES Autistic... And also I honestly thought that ALL persons would understand the manners of Autistic people (here). If this goes well, there is a main reply underneath all of this... separating Autism from puppy from "Autistic children with a puppy".

Nas24833, "Tracey", Nas24879... All of this is hard to follow as well. But yes it is me again. In less than the course of a single DAY, I get all of this "hate" and only a little bit of understanding: and I say a great big "Thank You" to that person, " To NAS24896."
... So in perhaps futile attempt to redeem anything, I noticed someone saying that this "thread" is "back on track" and that is GOOD. I have started a separate "thread" concerning "INTERNET", "protocols", "misunderstanding", & "Autistic people on the Internet"... and so please go off and see that instead (in discussing "me", maybe).

This "thread" was about "dogs" "autistic child" and so in discussing THAT, please stay here as you please. My own problem was in violating manners and protocols which, honestly, I am starting to learn with rather harsh lessons inflicted here...

There is a new confusion again for me:
Tracey/ Nas24833, said: "I will get my little boy a dog and do all I can to support her."
This suggests to me that the boy has either changed gender, or that they have ALREADY picked out a dog...meaning that the very next day, the request for advice about breeds, temperament, and rescue shelters was somewhat moot/redundant. And then lines along "Already researched" were stated the NEXT day and not at first.. and I could not know that from in the first place 'seeking "advice"'. Any next posts should then be about handling an already purchased dog, then?
Someone also said that I was "shouty", which I also could not know was bad in "forums": I say again that for "Internet protocol"/"chat" please say this at my new "thread"... and for dogs and children please stay here or similar. おはようございます.

Lastly, I was given BOTH a warning and a "Discussion Starter Achievement" statement from NAS today. So confusing... (discuss on other forum, please.)

To NAS24896. Thank you so very very much. You are a ray of sunshine attempting to blast through a thunderstorm which I did not mean to create. Most of all, I would never dare to write what you have written, for it did not occur to me that the main Lady (Tracey?) and anyone else were NOT THEMSELVES Autistic... And also I honestly thought that ALL persons would understand the manners of Autistic people (here). If this goes well, there is a main reply underneath all of this... separating Autism from puppy from "Autistic children with a puppy".

Thank you. I think you are right about reputable breeders. I get sad when people breed just for the money but there are certainly advantages to getting a dog from a breeder. Harry is obsessed with 102 Dalmatians and that is his dream dog ! I think we keep looking at rescue and breeders and stay opened minded. Thank you for your very kind response

Brilliant advice. My son adores dogs but as you said we need the right breed. Spaniels are definitely worth a look. We need to take this process slowly which is why I'm researching a lot but hopefully will be good in the long run

Thank you for your advice. I have been in touch but charities heavily under resourced. Some great advice on here tonight though 

Dear all, 

The moderators are here to ensure that all the members of the community are following the rules of the community, which can be found here:

http://community.autism.org.uk/p/rules

I would like to point out rule 4 - Be nice to one another and enjoy chatting with others. We encourage conversation and respectful debate; however, insulting posts or comments making personal jibes will not be tolerated.

We do not always expect our members to agree with each other all of the time, so we would like to suggest having patience and understanding when both replying and reading posts, or to move on from a post that upsets you and concentrate on the original post. 

Its great to see that this thread is back on topic. 

Kind regards, 

Holly (Moderator)

Hello Tracy, I have time to answer properly now and I hope you read this and weren't completely scared off, it is usually friendly and helpful here and that is actually in the rules.  I don't want to be part of an argument but I am not surprised that you were upset at the reply you got, it read as shouty  and judgemental to me and others I suspect.

From what you've said it sounds like you have done your homework and understand that certain breeds of dog will be more suitable than others.  It is good that you have found a trainer that will work with you, it could be the difference between having a lovely companion for your son and family and a pain in the backside that just adds to stress.  I completely understand and agree with your attitude about puppy breeding and rescue dogs too, but as you have identified, your needs are quite specific and you need to minimise the chances of it going wrong, it would be very painful for  your son to get attached to a rescue dog that ultimately had behavioural issues which meant that you couldn't keep it.

I'm an adult with ASD and have had two dogs in the last twenty years, both of which have been unofficial rescues, the first was an English Pointer that we got through a private advert, he was only 5 1/2 months old and I don't think he'd suffered any serious mistreatment but he was unwanted and had definitely been hit.  It was years before he really trusted us, even though he was so young the damage had been done and he was the most beautiful dog but was quite difficult for a time.  The family he came from had small children who I think had been allowed to hit and poke him, he had a long and very happy life but never was comfortable with children around.

Our latest companion is a daft Dalmatian on his fifth home through no fault of his own and he has a whole pile of bad habits from mild mistreatment and lack of continuity, however lovely he is, he loves kids though!

I guess my point is that while it would be lovely to give an unwanted dog a home, it is much easier to have one that fits into your family, home and habits if you start with a puppy of an appropriate breed and the right training, you won't have trust issues, which can go both ways.  There are reputable breeders who do it for not entirely dubious reasons, or you might strike gold with a rescue puppy, but that is  harder I know from experience.

I think it is a lovely idea and I hope you get somewhere  with it so everyone gains a fluffy friend, an affectionate dog is an unbeatable friend.

maybe something on dogs... I love dogs, although I'd still consider myself more a cat person. I'd also think if your family generally likes dogs and everybody is on board that's a good idea.

I think there are a few considerations you should make before having a look at dogs. Like the size (roughly) - you want one that's big enough to be reasonably robust, but small enough for your child to be able to hold it soon without being pulled over and generally not huge compared to your child. Sure, you are not going to sent him walking the dog on his own for some time, but together with you and it is great to be in charge (as a child being in charge of the dog, I mean). So I would find the usual service dogs perhaps a bit on the large side and would probably be more comfortable with a dog the size of a spaniel or so. What kind of fur - just cleaning-wise for the moment, you have less work with dogs with short fur. Maybe also life expectancy - that differs a lot and is quite short for some (there's info on the internet about this). Purebred dogs are more likely to have a short life expectancy (of course something can happen to any dog, but some breeds frequently suffer from problems and diseases that are much less common in others). The age is an important one too - not too old obviously, for several reasons, but perhaps also not a puppy because it's harder to see their character and so on than in a maybe two year old dog which has also learned a thing or two from and about people already (hopefully positive things) and won't grow anymore. There may be a couple of other things to decide about before looking for a dog, maybe others can think of more.

Then next, has your son met other people's dogs and spent some time with them? If not that would probably be a good idea. It would help to  make him get used to this because if he reacts very shy with dogs that could potentially become your new family member it will be hard to decide whether they fit or not, or if he is too friendly with them too quickly or incredibly excited some dog could react in a way that would scare your son. The dogs size may also play a role how comfortable he feels with dogs.

Then the best is probably to keep your mind relatively open and go together and see. Let them spend some time together so you can see whether the dog trusts people generally and especially children, ask if it has problems that may not be apparent when you see it (like fear of something you will encounter a lot, being very keen on chasing cats, can't be left alone at all...). See how your son reacts (that may take quite some time, hopefully you won't feel rushed and can visit it several times). Is it a dog that likes lots of people (so is excited about seeing new ones) - that's good for low confidence because it helps with interacting with other people. Does it like playing? Is the dog very dominant (not ideal with little children)? Is the dog quite forgiving? You can make a bit of loud noise to scare it (very little), then be reasuring - does it come back and continue as before or is it unsure for a long time or does it react aggressively? Such things happen with kids all the time, so an ideal dog for them doesn't make a big deal about this. The good thing is, dogs are a bit like autistic people when it comes to how they feel. They can't fake it. If they are afraid you'll see it, if they can't stand noise and being handled a bit rough, you'll see it - they don't playact to get a new home. The other good thing is that for a dog children are quite different things anyway, if they are autistic or not doesn't make too much of a difference, so a dog that's good with kids is likely to be good with your son too.

Hope you find the right buddy, but don't rush it, see it as a learning process where you all find out things about dogs, each other and yourselves!

Dear TJ, 

Thank you for your post to the community forum. We recognise how beneficial assistant dogs can be for families, particularly for increasing independence and reducing stress.