Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't quite know how to start really. I have been in a relationship now with a girl for 6 months and she has an autistic son who is now an adult. Her son suddenly left home without warning and set himself up in a flat and has had no contact with his family for over 4 weeks now. Obviously this has left the mother distraught, confused and very lost as to what is going on. My girlfriend has told me that she believes she is also autistic and with her son leaving suddenly it has left a huge hole in her life. I'm trying to deal with a number of things at the moment but my main priority is to my girlfriend who i am trying to support and help. I'm just wondering what her next steps should be in regaining communication with her son. Thanks for listening and any advice would be very grateful.
Hi, yeah obviously i have asked her what she needs from me because i will do everything that i can to help and to see her pain that she is going through kills me. He has done several things to make sure that nobody contacts him as he has changed his phone number and cut off all ties with his mum, nan and grandad. The letter my girlfriend wrote did explain that she loves him and if he ever needs anything to get in contact. I am just concerned about my girlfriend at the minute, she is not coping very well and i am just trying to keep her as occupied as i can. She does and says things which are out of character and that worries me a little. I just pray that he gets in contact soon because i am not too sure how much more she can wait. Thanks for your help.
When my parents go on holiday, i deprive them of the opportunity to hound me every day, by switching all phones off.
A metaphor..
It's very obvious and you may have already done this but just in case, have you asked her what you can do to help her cope (if anything)? I don't know if it's just NT's but so many people think they have to be able to read a loved one's mind instead of simply asking what they need. Your girlfriend is lucky to have your support and love. I hope between you that you can sort this out. I take it that the letter the son accepted explained that his mum loves him and will be there for him if and when he's ready. Assuming he has this message then the rest is up to him. Respecting his boundaries will bring him back into a relationship with his mother sooner than pushing it would do, and will make it a stronger relationship when he eventually does return. Good luck, I hope all will be well and sooner than you dare hope.
Yeah we have agreed not to push him and give him the space he needs, i just fear that this could go on for months/years until he gets in contact and i am not sure how she will cope with that. She has left a letter and an easter egg with his work place to give him and he has by all accounts accepted that. I am just trying to keep her busy and occupied at the moment.
No she isn't :(, i keep mentioning to her that she needs to talk to someone but she seams reluctant to. I will try and suggest things and steer her into seeing someone. she has been going through what seams like a grieving period. Her and her son have been joined at the hip and done everything together for 18 years. She has needed him as much as he has needed her, i can see why he has done what he has because he needs to do what he wants in life and not lead his mums life. I keep overthinking things and its not doing me any good, She says that she doesn't know what she is if she is not a mother, she doesn't know how to be anyone else. We have become a lot closer since her son has gone, she says that she feels more free and can do more things with me.... she is acting very differently and out of character but because i haven't known her for that long am i just reading into things a lot more.
I can't help with your question, but is your girlfriend getting any help from her doctor? A loss like this can have a huge impact on your mental wellbeing.
Her son might just need some time to cool off, and pressing him at his point might push him further away. The answer might be for your girlfriend simply to be patient and let him make the first move, having already made sure by whatever means that her son knows she is there for him if he needs her.