Life's Purpose Complete (almost)

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response.  Actually, those things you say are things I know I should be doing - and I do do them.  Sometimes, though, it comes crashing down.  But yes... I'll pick myself up again with what you say.

I've seen A Streetcat Named Bob.  Great little story.  I often think that Daisy came into my life at an important time.  If I didn't have her to be responsible for after mum passed away, I could easily have gone off the rails. 

I can't really see a way through to the other side of my current way of life.  I can't really earn any more at the job I do, and that makes it impossible to move.  But I take it a day at a time, and try my best to look forwards.  I have a lot to be grateful for, really.

Thanks again.  Being here helps to keep that faith going.  Sometimes, though - as the other night - it can backfire.

that's a shame, I've not seen it and I won't look for it then. 

I was so sad to read this Tom, you are a remarkable person. 

You have, as others have said, lost your sense of purpose, you may be burnt out from it all. 

Give yourself time, it will take time to replenish yourself, see if you can get some grief counselling. 

Please give these a go to see if they help you and persevere with them because at first they won't feel that they do. 

Each morning think of a couple of your purposes for the day ahead - your cat needing breakfast, think of one your clients at work needing your help and what you have planned for that person, think of their parents trust and gratitude - how will you praise your client to parents that day - just one or two per week and it might bring returns back from the parents but then they are maybe so wrapped up in their cares they might not think to say anything but this might prompt them. 

At the end of each day think of 3 things you are grateful for, even if it is only just 1 to begin with and then rises to two then three - a welcome from Daisy, you made a connection with a client, a client achieved x, a parent thanked you, your own front door......

So tonight, if you can, try to write down what things you are grateful for and get this ball rolling and your purpose back in your life.

They helped me at a time of loss, at first they seemed useless and it was hard to think of even one - it didn't rain today... I was just going through the motions but it was working somewhere inside and I was pleased when I found two and then got to three and after time I didn't need to do them anymore, but you do them as long as you need and have faith in yourself coming through. I hope you can do this and I hope it helps. 

Watch or read A Streetcat Named Bob. 

It may be that you need time to process it all and come out at the other side. 

I will need you around in time to come when I am in your position, please be there for me. 

I found them funny too, think they didn't upset people because of something hurtful you said but because some of the problems each was about sounded painfully familiar and we can't change them.

Wished we could do something that shows more convincingly how much you mean to people. You certainly do on here, your posts mean a lot to me, they help to understand myself and other people and to feel a little less alone, and I think it does the same to others too. Think you probably also mean a lot to people in real life, those you work with, their families... They just don't tell you so much, because they can't or they don't know about you as an individual. Try not to see the value of the work you do through the salary lens. Somehow it seems to me that you are not really lacking purpose so much but it's rather that you are struggling to see it and it is something important for you while lots of people have a lot less purpose but it doesn't seem to bother them too much. I can identify very much with that, not sure what helps though. Sometimes things happen that, looking at them at hindsight, have helped a lot, but it's difficult to know beforehand and often you would not want to make them happen anyway. Guess seeing the GP and whatever counsellor they sent me to or pills they put me on was not one of those things. Doesn't mean that it wouldn't help you, it may be worth trying but if it doesn't feel right it simply may not be right and have the opposite effect. Guess you may be a little sick of suggestions that you have either tried and they didn't work or you don't have access to them or they are not your cup of tea at all, but maybe making someone elderly who is lonely feel a little less lonely would be something to try? Some charities try to organise people to do that, visiting someone at home for an hour or two each week to give people something to look forward to, not sure if there is one in your area but maybe someone from AgeUK or so would know. Maybe it's not your sort of thing at all, so please don't feel misunderstood and more upset if that's the case, just ignore it and see it as a compliment because based on your posts I think you would be good at it. 

Please take care Tom.

Thanks, everyone, for your kind comments and support.  I crash-landed yesterday.  The crap stirred up by my 'Ripostes' thread didn't help.  I wish I hadn't posted it now.  It was just meant as a bit of fun, and to let off some steam.  Nothing malicious.  But I can understand why it upset some people.  I'm sorry for that upset - but I stick to my guns on it.  No one has a right not to be offended or upset.  That much I've learned about life.

Anyway... thanks again to you all. x

laddie49 said:

this may be part of the grieving process playing out and it may take some time to finally pass

Seconded!

And like caretwo, I also recommend that you seek professional support. Have you been to your GP?

I had thought I was fine after my dad died. It was entirely expected, and the best thing for him. But 8 months later I was suddenly very "wobbly" indeed. 

The more I have read about ASD, the more it seems that issues surrounding death of a close family member "are a thing" for our community...

For me it seems almost as if I am experiencing "ripples" from the loss. They do say that the sea recedes initially before a tidal wave arrives. About 6 months later and I am feeling like I am on a more even keel, but I think I would have found it more difficult now if, like you, I had been my parent's carer until the end. 

I know what you mean about life seeming pointless. I too felt like there wasn't anything worthwhile any more, like I was surplus to requirements and would not be missed.

How do you feel about young people? Might something like your local scout group be of interest? I guess I am thinking that perhaps one purpose for those of us past the procreative phase of our lives is helping to educate and support the coming generation, so that they are better prepared for life when it is their turn? How about helping the next generation of NTs to make a better job of interacting with their ND counterparts?

Hi Tom,

Sorry to read this post mate. It sounds like you are feeling a bit lost. I would suggest this may be part of the grieving process playing out and it may take some time to finally pass. I agree with DF5 you are a much appreciated member of this forum and hope you can hear this clearly.

Anyway I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts today. Your advice to me has always been sound and appreciated. Thanks.

Take care , Laddie.

PS I heard something on the radio the other day about self-publishing books on Amazon. Is that something you considered?

Very perceptive point about relationships between people and cats.

When my cats died, three times I was severely depressed, crying, lost  and suicidal for months.

When I past up the opportunity to help a cat in pain, I felt/feel so guilty I am still depressed/suicidal.  If it had been a person in the same situation I would/will feel nothing and walk past.

If it wasn't for Daisy, my cat, I'd probably take myself out of the picture permanently.  It would be so easy.  And such a release.

Not so long ago I found myself in the same situation and on the day I had to have my beloved cat put to sleep I tried to commit suicide.

Based on my experience, I would recommend you seek professional help for depression.

Hi Martian Tom,

Perhaps it is time to start a new chapter, and look for a new objective or purpose. Just because one has finished, doesn't mean that another one cannot start! We are in the world for so long, so we may as well enjoy our time and use our time well! 

You frequently mention your "role" of caring for others - your mother, your cat etc. And you mention that you work with autistic people as well. Perhaps you could pursue that in some way - you could go around places talking about your experience of autism, and how people can help! I know many firms are looking into this kind of thing in order to help raise awareness of conditions like autism amongst colleagues, so that would be a really well-received and purposeful thing to do while incorporating the key roles you have performed in your life so far!x

Much love <3

If you really feel like this. Take a break from this site and come back later.

As for life in general.  Take a few holidays, see the world or at least the UK.

Learn a new language, try a new hobby, volunteer at an animal shelter, read books.

It's permanent now.  And I'm not really integral to anything.  No one is.  It's all completely meaningless.

Tom, is this feeling persistent, or does it come and go?

I feel that you are integral to this community. So you're needed here...