Published on 12, July, 2020
At the end of this 18-month period, I've now completed the two most important jobs of my life. I've cared for my mother during her final months, and I've written a book about that experience - and about the the experience of growing up with (then undiagnosed) autism.
With mum's passing, there's no one left. My brother - my closest-living blood relative - might as well be a stranger I've never met. I've honoured mum's memory in words... and there's not much else I can do.
I live alone, with my cat. I work with autistic people.
Apart from that, I go through the motions of a life. I pay the bills, I eat, I sleep, I get up in the morning and go to work, I come home, I watch a movie, I go to bed... I start again.
I'll be 60 next year. Life has largely passed me by. I don't really have anything left to do. I don't want to travel any more. I don't have anything I'm burning to learn. I don't have anything left. If it wasn't for Daisy, my cat, I'd probably take myself out of the picture permanently. It would be so easy. And such a release.
But she's here. And she needs me. So I must be here, too.
Until I'm no longer needed.
I count my remaining days with hers.
If it wasn't for Daisy, my cat, I'd probably take myself out of the picture permanently. It would be so easy. And such a release.
Not so long ago I found myself in the same situation and on the day I had to have my beloved cat put to sleep I tried to commit suicide.
Based on my experience, I would recommend you seek professional help for depression.
Very perceptive point about relationships between people and cats.
When my cats died, three times I was severely depressed, crying, lost and suicidal for months.
When I past up the opportunity to help a cat in pain, I felt/feel so guilty I am still depressed/suicidal. If it had been a person in the same situation I would/will feel nothing and walk past.