Are there any suicide prevention support services aimed specifically at people with ASD? I'm not sure what I'm actually asking for in particular. I have a strong urge to hurt myself but traditional helplines are not good for me because I can't speak on the phone. I use the Samaritans email service, but I have noted a pattern in their responses which makes me suspect that I might not be communicating with an actual person on the other side. Besides, I have a fairly immediate plan and email response takes some time.
I just want someone to understand that I don't want to be autistic any more. The daily effort I expend to do things that other people take for granted is greater than the sum of the rewards I get for trying. The only way I can think of to get a rest is to switch my brain off permanently. I would appreciate someone who could guide me towards a different strategy that works.
If possible call your GP and make an urgent appointment. The GP should make sure you get appropriate help and support.
If it’s outside GP hours you could call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx
The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on firstname.lastname@example.org.
MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.
If you are ever very close to doing something to hurt yourself you should call 999 or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.
If you need help with an autism related issue, the helpline can be emailed on email@example.com or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104.
Thank you, I appreciate your reply.
I have used all of these resources in the past week or so in an effort to stop myself executing my plan. The Samaritans communicated with me over the course of several days, my GP sent me away with a flea in my ear (because I was previously diagnosed with a borderline personality i am often labelled an attention seeker and this is the same reason I have been turned away from emergency departments unless I have taken steps to hurt myself slready) and I have read the mind pages many, many times. I even spoke to a priest about how I was feeling, despite the fact I am an atheist. He was not helpful.
I remain hopeful that someone will be able to provide an alternative perspective before my time runs out.
All I can say is... I've been in that place several times myself. Suffice it to say that I'm lucky to be here. All of this was before I got my diagnosis. Since getting it, nearly 3 years ago, my mental health has improved. No longer do I feel the pressure of trying to do things that others take for granted, simply to fit in with them. I no longer want to fit in with them. I look at what they do and think I'd just prefer not to be like that.
It works for me, which isn't to say it will work for everyone. I accept who I am now. If others can't, that's their problem - not mine.
Sorry I can't help any more than that. It's just that it's the strategy that works for me. Plus thinking that the only way I can find out if life can improve for me is to give it the chance to.
ncrbrts said:I just want someone to understand that I don't want to be autistic any more
I suspect a great many of us can relate to that. I know I can.
My pre-assessment meeting made me feel like I wanted them to give me a lethal injection, though I don't suppose they ever would.
Can I ask if you work or volunteer somewhere?
Hi there, it's sad to hear that you feel so shi* at the moment, but it's way better that you write about it than if you wouldn't. I can understand your issue with those services quite well, I've been wondering for a long time if other people do actually find them helpful. I suspect they do and it's like you say, we need something more specific/someone who can see things in the light of ASD. I know that at the place where I got diagnosed they did help people really quite quickly when there was urgent need for it (not with assessments but they did counselling and so on too). It's in Preston, so may not be anywhere near you, but perhaps they know something/someone similar in your area? Maybe send them an email (their website is this here: www.lancashireautism.org/, you need to use their form rather than sending it from your email account) and ask if they have any idea? It seems important to have some sort of emergency plan, but also something ongoing really. Unfortunately especially the second is not what they have much money for in the UK any longer (or never had).
I think you do get these responses from a real person, but they must be like Lego bricks they copy and paste. At least I suspect this is what the mods do here, their responses nearly always read the same. Now and then you stumble over a sentence that seems to stick out, that must be when they actually really write something just in response to this specific post. I find this rather upsetting even though it's not about an issue I have, so I assume it must be a lot worse when you are the person receiving this response, you lose yet more of your hope if you had any left. But then there are a lot of genuine and understanding responses from genuine people here, and they usually come quite quickly too. Maybe not in the middle of the night or so, but generally it doesn't take long until someone picks up on it. So maybe give it a try and have a chat with us? I mean, Samaritans are people of all sorts that had a little course in general listening and some information on where people could try to find help, they don't learn much (or anything) about ASD. So I'd think we are not really less qualified on here because we may not have done the course that probably teaches some useful things, but we know a thing or two about ASD. If you are about to "switch your brain off permanently" then I think you need to get in touch with some crisis team (definitely better than A&E or GP in that situation, so try to find out how to contact them 24/7, your GP will know about that) but perhaps if you aren't quite at that point it helps a bit to keep writing what's going on, or just about anything? Not so much to get a solution/proper strategy, but at least to make you feel a bit less alone to help you a bit to get through the next hours and days until you feel a little better.
Take care and keep in touch if it helps at all (or if it just doesn't make you feel worse)!
ncrbrts I know how you feel, I really do, there are times when I feel the same way, but with more and more understanding and acceptance I am feeling like this less often. I am learning how to be me. It isn't that we're autistic, we are autistic but we are also much more than that. We need you to stay strong, you will come through this. I haven't got all the answers but one thing that keeps me going just now is the thought that if I stay strong and come through this confusing and sometimes disparing period, I can help others do the same. It doesn't feel like it sometimes but you're not alone, many of us feel like this at times but we hang on and the wave of sadness and desperation passes us by. Keep talking to us and together we'll find a way to be who we are in this world without the need to put on a mask. My weekly autism group really helps as well. If you can get to a group to be with people who understand you, that can not only help with isolation but being with people who's understand you can really lift your spirits. Sending love and hugs.
I have 3 jobs. Between them I can't make ends meet. I'm facing bankruptcy and pressure from the job centre to find something full time.
Would bankruptcy be unbearable?
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/655164/Insolvency_Statistics_-_Q3_2017_web.pdf (page 4) suggests there were over 25,000 people declared bankrupt in the third quarter of last year alone. Therefore, though obviously an awful thing to have to go through, it need not mean the end of everything?
Have you had any contact with the wellbeing team at the district council for your area?If you go to their website and search for "wellbeing" or "mental health", something should come up.
What did the job centre say when you told them how you feel?
What sorts of jobs are they? Manual work? Something staring at a screen? Something outside?
Do you do anything nice in any free time that you have?
I used to be the Insolvency Officer at my local county court. I'd get people coming in in tears, feeling like their lives had fallen apart, with comparatively small debts. Then you'd get the guys who'd just stroll in and hand the papers over to get it done - with debts in the hundreds of thousands. I'll always remember one guy who was in hock to his creditors for over half a million. He seemed to take it all in his stride. Some people do it because they know they can, and they'll get bailed out, so it doesn't bother them. Others, like yourself it sounds, are sincere in wanting to work it all out. But sometimes, it just isn't possible any longer. If it comes to it, it isn't the end of the world. I had plenty of letters from people thanking me for helping them, and telling me that they'd picked up the pieces and were working it out this time - after having the pressure taken off.
As for the Job Centre - surely you're demonstrating to them that you're willing to work. Are you struggling with the work health-wise? If you have a diagnosis, they should be taking account of it. There should be a Disability Officer there you can talk to.
If I go bankrupt, I will lose my car and, since having a car is a requirement for them, I will also lose my jobs. Any shred of self respect I had (not much) will be lost.
The job centre have no idea how I feel. I go there to be talked at - every fortnight the same thing. They note the part time hours I have done, she tells me I have to make a bigger effort to either get more hours in the jobs I have (I'm supply so I can't make people go off ill) or find something better. I have been interviewed for permanent versions of the jobs I have with the organisations I work for but I didn't get them. So, basically, I am good enough to do the job when there's no one else but not good enough to be a permanent member of staff. I don't blame them, I'm fairly useless.
I should note that I have been involved with the community mental health team for years. I do not have a good relationship with them.