Wanting to help a friend

Sorry for the delay in replying in more depth.

First of all the social group. The availability of diagnosis / diagnosis pathways / support services varies tremendously from one area to another. The main reason for giving the support group was to give a local point of contact who would have some knowledge of the local area and who you could possibly talk to face to face. The autism connect website gives 30 odd service providers for Coventry and I picked the one I did because I don't know anything about any of the providers and the NAS group seemed the most trustworthy one to start with. As @oktanol said, the social group itself may or may not be of interest - I am not interested myself in a lot of the activities my local group does. Your friend probably would not need a diagnosis to attend the group - because of the difficulties in getting a diagnosis most groups are open to anyone who is autistic with or without a diagnosis. The group may also be of interest to your friend's family.

I am similar to your friend. I am 52 and used to hold down a full time job but haven't worked for years apart from a couple of temporary jobs. I was referred for counseling for depression a couple of years ago but the counselor refused to offer me counseling because she thought I was autistic. I must admit I initially sought a diagnosis as much to prove the counselor wrong as anything else but I was eventually diagnosed with ASD, specifically Asperger's. I was lucky and was able to get a diagnosis on the NHS and it didn't cost me anything. I have issues with hygiene and I go to my local waitrose where you can get free coffee in the café if you have a my waitrose card as long as you buy something else from the café.

The main benefit I have got from the diagnosis is financial. I applied for PIP (Personal Independence Payment) and was lucky enough to be awarded the standard care component without having to have a face to face assessment or having to appeal after initially being turned down. This is worth about £50 per week and is the only income I have. PIP is about how your condition affects you rather than what condition you have but it is probably easier to get if you have supporting diagnosis / documentation from health professionals than without it. There may also be other benefits your friend could claim.

I suppose the other benefit I have got from being diagnosed is that it helps to explain various issues / incidents I have had in the past.

On the downside I am still not 100% convinced the diagnosis is correct.

If you are interested there is a book by Wylie on very late diagnosis of ASD / Asperger's which goes into more detail.

Hi,

For information about Adult Social Services please use the following links: 

(England and Wales)

http://www.autism.org.uk/17377

(Scotland)
http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/benefits-and-community-care/care-and-benefits-for-parents-and-carers/care-support-for-children-with-autism/social-services-getting-help-for-children-and-adults-scotland.aspx

You may also want to look at the services provided by The National Autistic Society which may be of help: http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services.aspx

Best wishes,

Nellie-Mod

Suppose my not seeing much value in a diagnosis is a bit tainted by experience at work where it would not have help the slightest, they would just have called the reasons for sacking me different, and the fact that with counsellors it made no difference either (except for the one I got a couple of sessions with a while after and because of that diagnosis). If it makes no difference to tell a counsellor or doctor that this is a possibility to keep in mind then I think it would also not make any difference to have a diagnosis because if doesn't work and they were able to modify their approach then they would probably do that whether it's been confirmed or not, at least try and see if that works better. But many seem rather inflexible, even though this is considered a sign of autism... But it's true, some doctors, counsellors and other people that may be helpful could well be different, and hopefully it wouldn't require a diagnosis for them to give it a  try.

Hi NAS24607,

I agree with Oktanol and it may be that your friend is very depressed and also on the Spectrum too.

If your friend is on the spectrum I think this would make managing his depression much more complex for everyone and so you could be right in considering the value of a diagnosis in light of this alone. However, sadly, Oktanol is also correct in that a diagnosis is not necessarily an ‘automatic assurance’ of receiving any help or support whatsoever; access to ‘statutory’ support services does exist, but tends to depend more on an individuals ‘capabilities’ rather than a diagnosis of ASD alone.

So, my first thoughts be would for his sister to approach his GP with him and discuss all of these concerns with his GP (with him present) as soon as possible as it sounds as if he may really badly need some treatment for his depression right now. If he is on the spectrum he may not ‘realise’ he is depressed nor be able to communicate his (feelings,) depression or his needs to his GP (or others) either, and so for someone to go with him and explain his whole situation and concerns on his behalf is vital.

I would add that I think it is really important to tell his GP the possibility of suspected ASD too as it may affect what treatment approach is appropriate to help him with his depression i.e. offering him bog standard ‘talking therapy’ as if he is not on the spectrum may not work, or worse, may be really harmful for him.

If you (and his sister) believe that he may not be (or is no longer) capable of caring for himself (such as his inability to communicate about his tablets running out) you might also want to consider arranging for him to have an Adult Social Care Assessment via Adult Social Services. You can usually call Social Services and request an anonymous phone consultation with them where you could discuss your concerns further and seek their advice about whether your friend could be eligible for an assessment and if or how it may help. This may be worth considering as it may help identify any support services that may be available to him, with or without a diagnosis.

Depression is crippling and really can make people stop functioning and unrecognisable to themselves and others and it does sound as if your friend has been through a lot (losing his job, losing his father traumatically and his mums poor health) so he really needs to access some help for his depression as a top priority (via his GP) with his sisters or your help. However, it is also true that some of your descriptions of your friend did ring ASD bells for me too. And although a diagnosis alone cannot guarantee support, I personally think it is definitely worth mentioning to his GP as it could prove important in enabling him to access appropriate help for his depression.

You sound like a fantastic friend. Best of luck to you and your friend.

I can see some similarities with myself.

My older sister was the driving force behind trying to get me to be formally diagnosed as autistic.

The main reason/advantage being that I would be protected by disability discrimination legislation. When it came to employment and unfair dismissal issues.

Hi

It's a subjective answer obviously, but I wouldn't expect too much of a benefit from putting your friend through a diagnostic process, especially if he doesn't really want that himself (even if you could perhaps persuade him). There isn't much support available for adults and if he doesn't really want to be part of a group of people that have in common that they are autistic to some extent then some of the few things that may be available may not really give him much (like that social group for instance). On the other hand, for other things that may help (like this forum) you don't need a diagnosis, it's enough to identify with it (although some may have a different opinion on that at times, but generally it's not a problem, I'd think). It's also not terribly pleasant a process to go through, not necessarily because of the "examination" being painful (although it can be, because there's a lot of digging around in stuff you may prefer not to think too much about) but it's also a very lengthy process and often people have to fight to get assessed in first place. Then, if you were tested positive, you get a letter listing all your shortcomings, also some positive things, but they don't seem very positive in that context really, and that's it for a long time then. So in the worst case it may make your friend feel even less like getting out of the house and mixing with others.

But then, he may well be somewhere on the autistic spectrum, but if he has been a lot more outgoing in the past and now that he hasn't had a job for a long time he is not like this anymore, it may perhaps be more a result of being depressed? One doesn't exclude the other and each can certainly make the problems the other one causes a lot worse, but at that age there's a lot more that can be done to help with being depressed than with autism. Somehow people often seem to think if someone isn't doing well the best support will be to make some doctor sorting it, but there are many things doctors don't sort, partly because it's just not possible and partly because there's not enough money, time, knowledge... Some of those things are much better done by friends though, because doctors don't give you a hug, they just hand you tissues if you cry, they don't take you for a walk or to a football match or the cinema or for a coffee or whatever. They also don't have the time to listen to you much, also counsellors don't. Maybe try to do things with him that he used to enjoy, maybe start with something that doesn't involve crowds or requires a lot of energy as he may genuinely not be up for that, but don't wait for him to ask if you would perhaps do such things with him because he may not be able to imagine that he can enjoy it. Over time the things we enjoy change of course, so you need to try and find out what he would perhaps like to do, or if he'd like to talk about what's going on, but it's both not that easy, so don't see it as a rejection if he doesn't know and doesn't want to talk. You can't force him obviously, but don't make it too easy  for him to not do anything. And do come back again after doing something, also if you found him too quiet or not looking like he enjoyed it as much as you hoped. Don't expect anything, certainly not some rapid improvement or huge gratefulness, but it may slowly help and at least it won't do him harm.

Some mental health advisor said people that are depressed need an extra portion of love (no worries, not in an erotic sense). Keep that in mind, it's also not doing any harm if he isn't actually depressed.

Thanks!

I might reply in more depth later when I have a keyboard - I'm typing this on my sister's iPad - but just to say that according to the autism connect website - autism-connect.org.uk - there is a NAS Coventry Social Group e-mail Dominique.harris@nas.org.uk phone 07788999972