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SOME OF MY POETRY FOR YOUR PERUSAL.

Hendrow
over 6 years ago
 Wrote My Doctor This Note
(This was written on 4/4/17, but never actually delivered.)
Dear Doctor B****ley,
This is not a quote, surely it won't harm my case to write you this note. Why is it that I think I have Asperger's Syndrome, following our conversation last week on the telephone, I have taken and passed the online AQ test, so in my opinion there is only one move left. Looking at my history, how come no-one guessed, undiagnosed for over forty plus years, it was thought that depression was the reason for my tears. I also took the EQ test my score was a six, so without a doubt in my mind there is a problem to fix, I get what I call mind-lock and then it is hard to think, it's like time stops and I am all out of sync.
It has been very hard trying to live a 'normal' life, sometimes I say 'innocent' things that cut like a knife.My past has gone and what I have done cannot be reversed, truth be told I did really wonder if I had been cursed, I don't express my emotions like anyone I know.I can be happy inside but a poker face I'll show, living in a logical world with form and order, my narrow horizons, maybe they should be broader. But who is to say for me what is right or wrong, Its a fight ever day for me and I am not feeling strong. I didn't expect to find myself when looking into HFA, it fits like a hand in a glove is what I am trying to say. Is my brain broke or is it a gift? either way I badly need a lift. We can go through my evidence that you wanted to see, I have written them out for you alphabetically. 
H.
Parents
  • over 6 years ago
    Sorry Will Do.
    Why do you twist and turn things, and then call me evil,
    Later you say you love me, thats unbelievable,
    I have tried and tried, tried to explain,
    There is a real issue, a problem with my brain,
    One minute you speak as one who understands,
    The next you want to kill me with your bare hands,
    I know I have changed way beyond all recognition,
    And I wouldn’t want to be stuck in your position,
    We are hurting each other, but thats not what we need,
    I try, you cry, we shout, scream and plead,
    We so need counselling or something of the sort,
    I know the money spent, and the food brought,
    But Mind-lock and Brain-freeze are my reality,
    Overload and Overwhelm are there for all to see,
    Your sick, I am sick, I hear the clocks tick,
    My procrastination and hesitation, makes you physically sick,
    I so hope we both get the help that we so need,
    But with memory problems, how do we get to read,
    Be quick, fast, and work to our full potential,
    To function well you say sleep is really essential,
    As is a good diet, with plenty of water,
    Exercise and fresh fruit, should make up a quarter,
    Of the the things that we do in our lives for us,
    We can waste so much time just making a fuss,
    About who did what, where, when and why?
    It is so very sad, makes me want to cry,
    Out loud, I am not too proud,
    If I can get my head out of this cloud,
    I’ve said it before and now I say it again,
    It took all of my strength not to go insane,
    I have really bad tinnitus my ears they are screaming,
    The only time the noises stop is when I am dreaming,
    My condition, is it the cause of all my woe’s,
    Because it affects from my crown, down to my toes,
    I do wonder, because I heard someone say,
    It’s in our blood, written in our DNA,
    I have a tendency to worry and fret,
    About possibilities that haven’t happened yet,
    There is a certain kind of safety, found in routine,
    And unless you make me, go where I have never been,
    I will be comfortable, absolutely no trouble,
    As long as the unexpected, doesn’t burst my bubble,
    Texture in life to me means so much,
    Things I don’t want to see, some don’t want to touch,
    My hearing is messed up, can’t hear what was said,
    I always had to rest up, after smashing my head,
    The grey matter in my skull, something not quite right,
    The days that are so dull, running from a fight,
    Most definitely I don’t want a fight with you,
    So prove it I hear you say, show me it’s true,
    Once again I use my brain in this very line,
    Reaching out to you and asking one more time,
    Realizing that if we want to live in harmony,
    You will have to accept, we think differently.
    (The last five lines are acrostic-S,O,R,R,Y.)
    H.
  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow

    I like this one thank you for sharing.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to fuzeelogic
    I wrote this as an acrostic poem for Steve at
                    ADULTS WITH AUTISM
              Steve - You Believe
    Adults with Autism, that would be me and you,
    Don’t often say or do, what other people do,
    Understanding us is sometimes not too easy,
    Loving us is wonderful, is that a bit too cheesy,
    Thinking as we do, feeling like this,
    Sometimes some obvious things are quite easy to miss,
    When you’re feeling low, blue or even depressed,
    It can show through, when you are being stressed,
    Try as we might, and I know I am right,
    Having Autism, and keeping it out of sight,
    Amounts to stupidity multiplied by shame,
    Unrecognised by many, but we know his name,
    The funny and quirky things that we all do,
    Is what makes me myself, and yourself you,
    So in summing up this is what I’m trying to say,
    Make the most of what you have, and do it today.
  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow

    I was sent an instrumental version of this on my FB page, I have been obsessive and OCD about this song in the past. I have amended the lyrics to make them more accurate, I have claimed this version as my own, it has a profound effect on me. For me it encapsulates my life purpose to perfection. 

                     HalleluYah


    Well I heard there was a secret chord
    That Dowd played and it pleased Yahowah
    But you don't really care for music, do ya?
    Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
    The minor fall and the major lift
    The baffled king composing HalleluYah

    HalleluYah, HalleluYah, HalleluYah, HalleluYah.

    Your trust was strong but you needed proof
    You saw her bathing on the roof
    Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya’
    She tied you to her kitchen chair
    She broke your throne and she cut your hair
    And from your lips she drew the HalleluYah

    HalleluYah, HalleluYah, HalleluYah, HalleluYah.

    Baby I've been here before
    I've seen this room an’ I've walked this floor y’know
    I used to live alone before I knew ya’
    And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
    And love is not a victory march
    It's a cold, and it's a broken HalleluYah.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow

    The last 5 lines (Acrostically pleasing.) The other 7 are not too shabby either. Powerful I think?

  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow

    Will Sorry Do?

     

    Why do you twist and turn things, and then call me evil,

    Later you say you love me, that’s unbelievable,

    I have tried and tried, tried to explain,

    There is a real issue, a problem with my brain,

    One minute you speak as one who understands,

    The next, you want to kill me with your bare hands,

     

     

    So, prove it I hear you say, show me it’s true,

    Once again, I use my brain in this very line,

    Reaching out to you and asking one more time,

    Realizing that if we want to live in harmony,

    You will have to accept, we think differently.

    Hendrow.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow
    A Matter of Choice.
    SUICIDAL
    I know that road
    SUICIDAL
    I have carried that load
    SUICIDAL
    I have walked that way
    SUICIDAL
    ME! NO . . . . . NOT TODAY.
  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow
    My Birth Day. Your Birthday.

    The day I was born, should have been celebrated,I agree. 

    But, I have given the thing that is called 'My Birthday' quite a bit of thought of late. I have decided that I have no desire nor need for a 'Birth Day' any longer, this is my reasoning whether you agree or disagree is of no consequence to me. I know that I was born on a particular day, although I was not too aware of it at the time ( I didn't have a watch on,, you see) also I hadn't quite got the gist of the Gregorian style calendar on the wall. Since that day, on an annual basis ( this would make it anniversarial, 'tradition' dictates that I should acknowledge it (Celebrate it etc.) I was too young to be a reliable witness as to the accuracy of the date, I have to therefore trust that those who recorded the date and time of my birth did so accurately, I do have a 'certificate of birth' which confirms this date and time of which I cannot be sure is accurate or not, as the case maybe. It seems to be something steeped in 'tradition'- something I choose not to follow, or be 'led by' if you prefer. I have no desire for myself or the anniversary of the day I was born to be exalted above any other day. I find no genuine reason for saying that it is a 'special day' it is what it is. I have come to the conclusion that it is something that has been subtly imposed on me, over many years (From birth - Mind You), without me really giving it much thought. My 'Birth' Day has long gone, that is the fact of the matter. As I have stated in the past I choose now to let go of pagan traditions and celebrations, it has not been hard to find the roots of what I used to choose not to do. I am happy in what I am doing now, I will continue to research. (For those that need it in black and white, If I do not celebrate/partake/observe, Etc my own 'birthday' I for sure won't be 'doing' yours.) If you want to unfriend me now, I understand. HC.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow

    YOU KNOW ITS YOU.

    Oh girl, when I look at you,

    I am truly love sick, I thought it was the Flu,

    Then my heart does kick, like a bass drum,

    Loving you is fantastic, hugging you is fun,

    I love to see my baby's face, is there one more perfect in the human race.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow
    I NEED TO MEND MY MIND.
    I need to amend my mind,
    You man are man, you are kind,
    I am man, am I human kind,
    As the darkness come’s once again, I am blind,
    I am tired of being like this, I am stuck in time,
    You and your happy mouth spew “it will be fine’’
    Me you see . . . . . . . no further down the line,
     
    How do I do this mind mending thing?
    Why is it that my heart does not sing?
    Tell me how it all finishes, how does it all end up?
    My life is, was, could you handle my cup?
    I ask for help, but in the wrong way,
    I cry for help both night and day,
    Who did this to me, would it not be easier,
    If my mind were wiped, like amnesia,
    I do not honestly believe, life should be this tough,
    I fully concede that I have had enough,
    I really don’t see the point anymore,
    I have said and done all of this before,
     
     
    I’ve said amend, maybe it should be change,
    I am trapped, in that place once again,
    Need the solution, someone, . . . . . . . a clue,
    What would you do if you knew it were you?
    Demolished I crumble, such a sudden fall,
    Those that know me, are not surprised at all,
    I can’t run anymore, run where to?
    Why bother, after a lifetime would you?
    Will I meet my maker? just maybe,
    Whatever time I have left, we will see.
  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow

                                                                      MY MAGENTA MATRIX.

    • MMM. = WWW. 
    • Do You Understand The Construct Of the Architect?
    • The Answer is out there. TBC. 
  • over 6 years ago in reply to Hendrow
    You are Jo’king? NO, I am Tal’king, Jo’s clever cousin.
    HENDROW - 30 JULY 2017
    Do the right thing, and write about the bright thing,
    The shining bright thing, the no night thing,
    A bright light thing, live your life despite thing,
    Jump from a great height thing, cut from left to right thing,
    Losing the will to fight thing, oh he just might thing,
    I can’t sleep at night thing, kick, punch, bite thing,
    Just get on your bike thing, brain readings, spike thing,
    How are we alike thing, what gives you the right thing,
    NO! he is such a delight thing, making love all-night thing,
    Smutty yet polite thing, gave me such a fright thing,
    Understand your plight thing, could take flight thing,
    Maybe start the fight thing, he was quite contrite thing,
    Tinnitus makes my ears ring, hope makes my heart sing,
    Medication make you a fill in,
    Feel like I am dying, inside I am crying,
    Sick of bloody flying, tired of trying,
    No need to go prying, to see who’s been lying,
    You’re selling, I am not buying,
    Thats why I am not replying,
    The truth’s you are denying,
    Someone has been spying,
    Forget the ying and yang thing,
    Seat at the table what do you bring?
    Ready for the truth with a health warning,
    It can bloody hurt, I thought it would sting,
    But not like a boxer leaving the ring,
    Cut’s and burns and bruises, all aching,
    Am I in a fight that I just cant win,
    I spent many a night enquiring,
    Asking the questions that need answering,
    Questioned those answers and then following,
    Evidence and reason, the chances are slim,
    We have been dumbed down, I see you slipping,
    It really matters, it is a vital thing, knowing,
    Understanding what you have been, reading and writing,
    If you understand this then give me a ring,
    Not if you are left, middle, or right wing,
    Worshipping, kneeling, or into praying,
    None of those is my thing,
    As time ticks on, evidence mounting,
    Because some have done the accounting,
    It all adds up, I cash my chips. . . . . . . . Kerching!!
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