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SOME OF MY POETRY FOR YOUR PERUSAL.

Hendrow
 Wrote My Doctor This Note
(This was written on 4/4/17, but never actually delivered.)
Dear Doctor B****ley,
This is not a quote, surely it won't harm my case to write you this note. Why is it that I think I have Asperger's Syndrome, following our conversation last week on the telephone, I have taken and passed the online AQ test, so in my opinion there is only one move left. Looking at my history, how come no-one guessed, undiagnosed for over forty plus years, it was thought that depression was the reason for my tears. I also took the EQ test my score was a six, so without a doubt in my mind there is a problem to fix, I get what I call mind-lock and then it is hard to think, it's like time stops and I am all out of sync.
It has been very hard trying to live a 'normal' life, sometimes I say 'innocent' things that cut like a knife.My past has gone and what I have done cannot be reversed, truth be told I did really wonder if I had been cursed, I don't express my emotions like anyone I know.I can be happy inside but a poker face I'll show, living in a logical world with form and order, my narrow horizons, maybe they should be broader. But who is to say for me what is right or wrong, Its a fight ever day for me and I am not feeling strong. I didn't expect to find myself when looking into HFA, it fits like a hand in a glove is what I am trying to say. Is my brain broke or is it a gift? either way I badly need a lift. We can go through my evidence that you wanted to see, I have written them out for you alphabetically. 
H.
  • in reply to Hendrow

    WORDSMITHENDROW WROTE . . .

    Where I am Today.
    Where am I today, not sure what I should say,
    Here my friend is the deal, this is me being real,
    I am trying to come to terms, with what I have learned,
    That, I am on the spectrum, maybe since I left my mum,
    How it affects me every hour, sometimes sapping my power,
    It is not what I thought, Why so angry, why so short,
    Rarely can I empathise, I am just beginning to realise,
    What it means to communicate, how I love to contemplate,
    The true meaning of life, I may not be the sharpest knife,
    But stupid I am not, I am finding out what gifts I’ve got,
    I don’t like change’s to my routine, why are people so mean,
    Language is hard to understand, actually it’s underhand,
    Literally, what do you mean? there is no grey or inbetween,
    Why do people tell me lies, with there faces and their eyes,
    Body language . . . now I am confused, a smile again is refused,
    Detatched, cold and unplugged, emotionally I’ve been mugged,
    I would love to love if I knew what it was, most others do just because,
    Nobody wants to live this way, it’s too high a price to pay,
    So often I just need to be alone, sitting down at home,
    Thinking about counselling, noises make my ears ring,
    I look as if I am withdrawn, oh I didn’t mean to make you yawn,
    Sometimes I am verbose, othertimes I am morose,
    Have I been like this since I was born, Should I cry should I mourn,
    You should read my Facebook post, then you would see me boast,
    About my witty rhymes, and the gritty times,
    How much I have cried, so many things I’ve tried,
    With the brain so quizzical, mental pain and physical,
    Acquiesce, yes I am pliable, just a mess and unreliable,
    You see me self depricate, I feel like a reprobate,
    But its alright, if I can write, I can make it through the night,
    Sleep I know is hard, especially when your day has been marred,
    Eat is easy to forget, when full of worry and fret,
    But words are all there is, so my words will make me live,
    Maybe not as well as you, but live is what I choose to do,
    In my skull is a cabbage, sharp not dull and kind of savage,
    Fighting constantly to understand, writing for free by hand,
    Loving every letter, liking every word,
    Spelling getting better, writing is heard,
    So here I am with pen in paw,
    Seeing if the cabbage will give me more,
    As the metaphoric curtains begin to close,
    I wind up a historic piece of prose,
    Looking forward to the next meet, of paper and pen,
    So I can start the A,B,C, again,
    Just one thing before you go,
    This is what I want to know,
    Why is my life so damn hard,
    Making me feel a retard,
    Is that word politically correct,
    Was it used out of context,
    What about my motive,
    Remember, I just want to live,
    The original question is not answered yet,
    Is that too much to expect,
    I am a real being, but I feel like I am not seeing,
    We need our senses really we do, I hope this all makes sense to you.
    H.
  • Sorry Will Do.
    Why do you twist and turn things, and then call me evil,
    Later you say you love me, thats unbelievable,
    I have tried and tried, tried to explain,
    There is a real issue, a problem with my brain,
    One minute you speak as one who understands,
    The next you want to kill me with your bare hands,
    I know I have changed way beyond all recognition,
    And I wouldn’t want to be stuck in your position,
    We are hurting each other, but thats not what we need,
    I try, you cry, we shout, scream and plead,
    We so need counselling or something of the sort,
    I know the money spent, and the food brought,
    But Mind-lock and Brain-freeze are my reality,
    Overload and Overwhelm are there for all to see,
    Your sick, I am sick, I hear the clocks tick,
    My procrastination and hesitation, makes you physically sick,
    I so hope we both get the help that we so need,
    But with memory problems, how do we get to read,
    Be quick, fast, and work to our full potential,
    To function well you say sleep is really essential,
    As is a good diet, with plenty of water,
    Exercise and fresh fruit, should make up a quarter,
    Of the the things that we do in our lives for us,
    We can waste so much time just making a fuss,
    About who did what, where, when and why?
    It is so very sad, makes me want to cry,
    Out loud, I am not too proud,
    If I can get my head out of this cloud,
    I’ve said it before and now I say it again,
    It took all of my strength not to go insane,
    I have really bad tinnitus my ears they are screaming,
    The only time the noises stop is when I am dreaming,
    My condition, is it the cause of all my woe’s,
    Because it affects from my crown, down to my toes,
    I do wonder, because I heard someone say,
    It’s in our blood, written in our DNA,
    I have a tendency to worry and fret,
    About possibilities that haven’t happened yet,
    There is a certain kind of safety, found in routine,
    And unless you make me, go where I have never been,
    I will be comfortable, absolutely no trouble,
    As long as the unexpected, doesn’t burst my bubble,
    Texture in life to me means so much,
    Things I don’t want to see, some don’t want to touch,
    My hearing is messed up, can’t hear what was said,
    I always had to rest up, after smashing my head,
    The grey matter in my skull, something not quite right,
    The days that are so dull, running from a fight,
    Most definitely I don’t want a fight with you,
    So prove it I hear you say, show me it’s true,
    Once again I use my brain in this very line,
    Reaching out to you and asking one more time,
    Realizing that if we want to live in harmony,
    You will have to accept, we think differently.
    (The last five lines are acrostic-S,O,R,R,Y.)
    H.