I Don't Think Neurotypicals Understand What We Autistics Mean By Accommodate to Us Who Are Autistic

NAS93011 said:

This is why I can't get a job, because I just can not do the fakeness and lying that they do. It is very problematic! Also they are OBSESSED with eye contact, if you don't do it that is also why they may assume you have an agenda! 

Try placing yourself in their shoes - you are behaving differently to probably 98-99% of other candidates with your unwillingness to co-exist with their social rules (ie the fakeness), your irrational (to them) irritation at what they see as perfectly normal and your lack of eye contact (which matches NTs experience of liars and cheats).

This is why we suffer when interviewing and when we start jobs.

Are the NTs going to change? Probably not in our lifetimes. So what do we do?

If you want to exist in their world you need to learn their irrational rules and learn to follow them, deal with your irritability (get a therapist perhaps) and understand our place in all of this.

Expecting them to accept our weirdness is just not realistic. Trying to make the law protect us is probably never going to happen as our weirdnesses take a myriad forms so the law will never be specific enough.

Adapt or fall by the wayside is the only real option I think we have.

so.. if you know why what keeps you around to put up with it?

I’ve been gaslit my whole life… “don’t exaggerate, it’s not that bright!” “Stop being so sensitive, it’s a party, have fun stop complaining about the noise” “stop overthinking and overreacting everything is fine” etc. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or just lack of understanding. NTs can not jump into our heads and we can’t jump into theirs. 

I'm still trying to understand where the neurotypical behavior ends and autistic behavior or realm begins. Like i want to be accommodated, but I've grown up in the neurotypical world, thinking i've been neurotypical this whole time and so have been applying those standards and expectations and ideals to myself when thats not the thing thats supportive for me at all. I'm in the process of unmasking and trying to manage the sensory overload that comes with it. The world feels completely different now that ive started paying attention to my own internal sensory experience. It's really strange and im still feeling confused a lot even though i realize now that most of my "weird" sensory experiences are due to autism (awareness helps but not as much as i'd like). 

How do you untangle the neurotypical culture and it's expectations from your own way of being as an autistic person? I would appreciate any advice. I am a late diagnosis at 21, presenting the female phenotype, and according to my psychologist mask a lot. 

Explain to him that you most likely have a deficiency in the neurotransmitter GABBA. This is an inhibitory neurotransmitter that calms excitation. Thus things seem hyper loud to you. This is real condition caused by gene mutations, and sometimes the deletion and/ or addition of genes.

One word "gaslight".

Ha ha ha! Try reading the neuroscientific literature about the neurological differences between Aspies and Normal's! It is quite interesting, but also quite disturbing. We literally have more synapses and dendrites than they do, this means we think more than they do. They have an agenda because they seriously think that people won't see through their fakeness! I always wondered why I got so irritated by the fakeness, but now I understand why! This is why I can't get a job, because I just can not do the fakeness and lying that they do. It is very problematic! Also they are OBSESSED with eye contact, if you don't do it that is also why they may assume you have an agenda! 

  and all the animals plants and minerals - the star dust we all came from! thanks.

Yes, all of us and all of them are just one species- human 

This post is more about wanting to be understood than to understand and  i get that and the little daily things that can be so frustrating. This post is also leaning a bit too much  in the "us vs them" sort of thinking.

Perhaps think a bit less "us and them" and more seeing all the rainbow's colors, not just the rain!

This would make a good post on it's own.

In all honesty, how much time do you think “NTs” spend thinking about this at all?

Unless they have an ND family member or friend, I’m guessing this is something they spend exactly zero time worrying about and I’m sure they don’t think of themselves as “NTs”.

NT's may be getting fatigued, they may be feeling their noses out of joint because they're not a majority anymore, they're one of a bunch of different types of humanity. Being more equal in numerical terms means a loss of power, especially as other groups such as ND's are becoming more aware and vocal, refusing to be patronised and marginalised. We can no longer be patted on the head and ignored, we are demanding our right to exist in the world as we are not as they would like us to be.

I'm not usually a fan of "us and them" type of politics or discussions, but sometimes I feel forced into taking a side and I won't be siding with NT's. I would like a world where there are only people, no men people, women people, child people, LGBTQI, ND, NT, or people of different races and religions, just to be able to see people in all our glory and humanity, including the bad bits.

agh! DSM5

Iain said:

Looking back at the original post would highlight this. The re-enactment of a battle with gunfire and cannon fire was noisy so would changing it to have only pops and minor bangs be reasonable when 99% of the people probably enjoy the "shock and awe" of the scene?

In reality I think the poster should have realised it would be noisy and either worn appropriate ear protection or not gone.

If you actually read the post correctly you’d see that before that I said

enflores3000 said:

Like I don't think us who are Autistic are asking a lot of people, yeah there are things beyond our control, like the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

I pretty sure that me saying

enflores3000 said:

yeah there are things beyond our control, like the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

makes it clear that I was using the reenactment as an example of how that’s

enflores3000 said:

things beyond our control

and so that is not the original intention of my post.

Iain said:

In reality I think the poster should have realised it would be noisy and either worn appropriate ear protection or not gone.

I was using ear protection, I had headphones in but we were very close to the people who were doing the reenactment and so they didn’t do much help. Maybe don’t make assumptions about things?

TheCatWoman said:

Another odd one I find is NT's with what I can only describe as diagnosis envy

I think it more likely to be that they are getting fatigued from so many groups appearing demanding special treatment (whether any of the letters from the LGBTQIA... groups, the neurodivergent groups, assorted disability groups etc) that they are starting to feel that they are being left out.

I think that expecting the majority to understand and accomodate the needs of a very disparate group of those with special needs (eg those who can't handle loud noises) will always be a problem. It must be less than 1% who are in this category so expecting the other 99% to make accommodations would be nice, but I suspect unreasonable.

enflores3000 said:

the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

Looking back at the original post would highlight this. The re-enactment of a battle with gunfire and cannon fire was noisy so would changing it to have only pops and minor bangs be reasonable when 99% of the people probably enjoy the "shock and awe" of the scene?

In reality I think the poster should have realised it would be noisy and either worn appropriate ear protection or not gone.

Ah, yes, I suspect most people I know would be quite surprised if they could watch me in my private moments. Home is a sanctuary where I rest and recover (and hide?)  and that involves a lot of quiet and staring into space doing nothing in particular.

I can see that it might be difficult to adapt to if they’ve only ever seen your public / masked personality.

I’m not sure, I will ask him. We are living in a small town, quiet area. I used to work in Berlin and there I always had something in my ears, but when I was alone. When I was with him I didn’t dare to put anything in my ears, he could maybe see my expression when being in some noisy place such as underground or the city center, but it was for short enough for me to endure it and recover. The problem arose now at home because I have to deal with it on daily basis. We never go for parties together, he knows that I have no friends here and hate parties and noise generally, so he goes to see his friends alone. 

Surely he must have observed these things in you when you were getting to know each other before you married?

Maybe it’s also my fault in a way, that I often sit quiet, when they both talk and play I sit and enjoy watching them without talking anything because I don’t know what to talk and I don’t talk when I have nothing to say. I just sit and smile to them, but it’s hard for me to join the game, when there are already two of them. This and additionally earplugs may feel him uncomfortable or not loved. But I love them a lot I just do t know how to explain that sometimes it’s too much for me. He could see the grimace on my face and me covering my ears in pain when our daughter screamed and I didn’t have the protection yet.