Anti depressants?

I have been on various different anti-depressants over the last 4/5 years, but was only reffered for an ASD assessment after a year of failed Psychotherapy, leading to my confirmed diagnosis last year in my mid fifties.

Based on the ones I have tried so far, they seem to have little effect on me, other than to sometimes quieten down the negative chatter in my head. I have often joked about wanting to experience the emotional flattening effect so many other people have described, by saying  that I always wanted to be Vulcan, but so far my emotions have always remained at maximum volume. I have discussed this with my Doctor & he says that it might be because my head is wired differently, but it is difficult to tell.

I had been taking 225mg of Venlafaxine for the last eighteen months, but a few weeks ago decided to test if it was doing anything at all, by tapering down the dosage. I went from 225->150->75->37.5 very easily over three weeks & am now trying to stop altogether. Aside from an occasional weird pinging noise in my head, the reduction has made no difference whatsover in my mental state, whilst on the positive side though, it has removed other more embarrassing physical side effects of being on anti-depressants .

I know that I should have done this under supervision from my Doctor, but I'm old enough to make my own mistakes now & can easily increase the dose again if I start to feel worse.

A lot of things about the way my head works seem to be backwards, allegedly I am supposed to find social encounters difficult & prefer my own company, but actually the converse is true. The best way for me to deal with sharp dips in my depression is to be around other people, as both my mood & personality tend to reflect the people I associate with. The reason I felt confident enough to try phasing out my medication entirely is that I recently made some good new friends & their excellent company has helped me far more than any anti-depressants I have ever taken.

I know that if I isolate myself again for too long that the depression will probably return with a vengeance, but I have reached the point now where I feel that it's ridiculous to keep taking medication that has few positive effects & noticeable negative ones.

I attend a variety of depression support groups, where people often discuss the benefits of Mindfulness & Acceptance. Sadly these concepts just seem like psycho-babble to me & my main coping strategies are Distraction & Avoidance. If I can't tame the demons in my head, then the best strategy is just to keep them busy with other things so that they don't bother me.

I mentioned earlier that anti-depressants have little effect on me other than to sometimes quieten down the negative chatter. Spending time with friends seems to shut them down completely though, at least while I am in their company. Potentially then, the solution to my depression is to try to spend as much time with other people as possible without overstaying my welcome.

I also think that my depression is somehow a part of my Autistic Spectrum Traits, just combined with negative events in my childhood. Since I only found out that I was on the Spectrum last year though, I am still trying to work out what that means for me. 

Hope this helps

Thanks, Emma.  I was prescribed a short course of Diazepam just after mum passed away.  They didn't really do anything for me.  But I was drinking, too, which didn't help.  I'll talk to the doctor.

I was once prescribed, in one of the most stressful times of my life, a short course of diazepam AKA valium (a couple of weeks' worth). It calmed me down and suppressed the feelings that were causing me anxiety enough to get my head together and actually start to approach some of my problems constructively. To that end I do recommend it. It certainly helped me. 

I'm hypersensitive to it though, so what would usually be a minimal dose knocks me right out. You might react differently, just bear in mind that dosage might take a couple of tries to get right! 

Prozac, on the other hand, was what they first tried when I was in my teens and that did nothing but cause me nasty side-effects, whatever dose we tried. >> Never again for me. Again, you might find it different.

I hope things get better for you ASAP!

Much as I hate to admit it (I don't think a-ds are really suitable for autistics because they're formulated for a neurological template that we don't have) - I've decided to see my doctor tomorrow and ask for something.  I can't go on like this.  I need something to suppress my emotions.  I'm in knots.  Maybe Prozac.

you have described it well.

Probably when you are having a meltdown nothing wil help and that is okay. 

Before you get to top notch meltdown there are phases you go through. It is interesting to observe this. What do you feel in your body, when things are going that way. Is your throat constricted? Which bodily sensations do you feel?

What works for you? You share a house with others? Do you need solitude? Are you able to withdraw from the noise and do you have a room where you can be alone for a while?

When you have accumulated years of stress it becomes really hard to notice subtle signs. It would be nice if you had a room or place you could withdraw to when you need it. 

At that point  of meltdown- I think you are right - that breathing (and feeling you have to do something, follow some protocol) can be too hard. What you can do is just feel what you feel. and feel where your body touches the ground. feel where your clothes touch your body. feel and don't judge. just observe your bodily self. 

It really takes time to get acquainted with your body as if it were an animal. And following your breath is just that. It is not that you should have "calm breaths" or "count to ten". No, it is about being aware that you are a mammal.

Like a hedgehog or little rabbit that has been caught and you are holding yourself in your own handpalm and noticing the breaths and the little chest going up and down. And just by the fact of noticing and paying attention to your animal self something nice might happen.

I don't mind taking the antidepressants, but I'm now on the highest dose of effexor and it hasn't made any difference to how I feel, and according to family it hasn't made a difference to how I am at home. My feelings of total failure and the futility of my life are just the same, my episodes of meltdown are pretty much the same, I cry a lot, I'm not a nice person. I hardly sleep at the moment unless I have had an episode then I sleep lots. 

There is always "noise" in my head, streams of information, if there is too much more of this noise added from the outside it upsets me. I misbehave, I don't know it's happening, I think I'm doing ok but I'm upsetting everyone or shouting or being rude to people or just crying for no reason. My husband and one of my children can see when I am losing touch and they tell me, but it's hard because I can't see it, then I know because they tell me and I need to calm down. The breathing doesn't work then.

I Dont Think I have described this very well, sorry

Song, 

It is wonderful you have been trying it. Remember: "When you are falling out of the aeroplane is not the best time to start sewing your parachute". 

So, doing guided breathing at moments that are slightly better, is really positive and a good thing. And don't beat yourself up when it doesn't work yet when things are extra tough.

I am curious what it feels like when you really need it and the breathing doesn't work. Can you describe what the reasons are it does not work?

I have been trying to do guided breathing but when I need to do it i cant.

I don't know about yoga but there are forms of tai chi which you can do sitting down but as you say the problem is finding an instructor.

I agree with most of what you say - I just can't be bothered to post more than a paragraph or two.

I was going to run a class specifically for people with autism (although for various reasons it probably would have become a class for people with mental health conditions - and yes I know autism is not strictly a mental health condition) but the society I belong to would not let me and I am not currently prepared to do it without their agreement.

Glad you mentioned breathing - I forgot there is a technique called alternative nostril breathing which also helps with stress and anxiety.

exercise is good, I agree, ...however.... I think getting autistic depressed people to get to do exercise can have it's own problems.

The most obvious thing is that people with depression can feel exhausted all the time. So it is important to start with manageable things (like walking to the local park and back - whilst continuously focusing on the sensation of your feet on the ground - is a good one - as autistics tend to focus often on what is going on more rationally "in their head").

I do have a caveat with tai chi and yoga and some other forms of exercise - bearing in mind that many people with ASD are very dyspraxic and can have poor proprioception and balance. What's more, they can find it very hard to follow instructions -as they interpret them slightly different to the mainstream and might be worrying about other things so they can't focus on the instructions. Also copying postures from what you see can be hard.

(the whole point of yoga is to be kind to yourself, to be nonviolent and non judgmental to yourself, not to compare yourself with others, not to want to want do do things "perfectly", not to hurt yourself... but this is often not explained or repeated well enough (for me often classes go much to fast... I need far more time per posture and a lot of explanation).

That is why it might be good to follow a class especially aimed at autistics. Or, read a training yoga/mindfulness handbook on dealing with autistic clients yourself on training the trainers for these activities- because they will point out the likely pitfalls (but it is unlikely that someone severely depressed will have the energy to do reading etc, I know).

The problem is that the instructions (follow your breath down into your feet... kind of stuff... well - it might work for NT's, but I'm still wondering and get lost in my own body). 

Yoga, mindfulness and probably tai chi can be wonderful if you have the right explanation, the right book, teacher, and surroundings (the yoga class must be kind to sensory sensitive people, no funny smells, sticky mats etc). If you just go to a regular "urban vinaysa flow class" for the first time as an uncoordinated autistic, Not quite sure what to do... I think it might just be one extra traumatic experience.

Having said all that, I do believe mindfulness and yoga are really super for us. It is just finding the right teacher/class!!!

And I think it is important to start small - like five minutes being aware of what your breathing is doing without judging every day - is an excellent place to start. The Insight Timer app - is super to motivate you to do this on a daily basis https://insighttimer.com

I recommend exercise, particularly tai chi or yoga, for stress and anxiety although it should have a knock on effect on depression. It's more important though to find a form of exercise which you enjoy doing because you are more likely to do it when you are feeling low.

I was too autistic ~ fear of phones ~ to re-order them and too much of a hermit to go and collect them, then the final straw came when I got one of those letters that you got about prescription charges/penalties!!!! I thought s***w you, you can keep your tablets, your prescription charges and what not and I’m done with you! Worked out well though, even if I did have two major and a few less major meltdowns since then

Hi Song. I started taking antidepressants probably about three months ago and I’ll be honest, I was terrified. This was an unusual reaction for me, given that I am an ex drug addict and still to this day I love pills, mainly pain killers and sleepers, although they’re not a regular habit anymore. I’ve also had antidepressants a couple or maybe three or four times in the past, with various results. So why was I so terrified?

I think it’s becauase I didn’t feel ‘depressed’ not in the least, so it felt strange for me to even consider taking them.

However, it was clear from my outer situation that I needed some help. I wasn’t going out, often times not even getting out of bed for days, I couldn’t even cope with the change from night to day and visa versa, but I wasn’t depressed. I was simply resting, from burnout.

However, after 12 months of this, I was feeling like I was ready to start moving forwards with my life again so I took the bull by the horns and decided to give the antidepressants a go.

They almost instantly shut off a good deal of the chatter in my head but after that, I must have taken this new, not so chattery state, for granted as I was convinced the tablets weren’t doing anything for me.

I asked around and found this was common amongst my aspie friend’s and another friend with mental health difficulties and all the people around these people, didn’t agree. They all said the person was better on the tablets.

I kept taking them for two months but wasn’t up for re-ordering them again and a couple of other things happened around that time that lead to my decision to stop taking them.

I soon realised my imagination came back ~ I was delighted at this. But what I also noticed was the my emotions also came back. I’ve had a couple of big meltdowns since I stopped taking them but I not only survived the meltdowns but I learned a great deal from them, as well as releasing a ton of emotion that must have been building up in me while I was taking the tablets.

When I took the tablets I was much more pleasant to be around, not as fiery etc, but I only realised this in hindsight - although everyone else knew it! This realisation did lead me to consider whether the tablets were still necessary.

The two major meltdowns (there were many smaller ones) made me realise that I’m strong enough now, after 12 months in bed, shut off from the world, and two months on the tablets, to move forwards without them but I leave the door open.

I have got a lot of good support around me, however, I think if I didn’t have the support (which came after I started to take the tablets), for me, I would still need the tablets.

My job coach at the job centre worked with people with severe autism, for seven years, prior to her current job and she has a step daughter with autism. I had a major meltdown in the job centre on Friday and I realised, it was the first time in my whole life where I had had a meltdown and somebody was there who understood what was happening to me and how to deal with it. Honestly, I thought I was going to die my head hurt so much but she not only dealt with it but showed me how to handle the aftermath etc. She was amazing.

I’ve also got a support worker from the local authority social services wellbeing team. She knows next to nothing about autism, other than what she is learning from me and the research she has done since starting work with me. She’s amazing and knows what I need to do when I haven’t got a clue.

I’ve also got a weekly autism support group that I go to where I get a ton of support and I have a friend who comes with me who is also now admitting she is autistic and since my diagnosis, she’s also considering getting one. Prior to this she didn’t want to acknowledge it. So she’s a great source of support to me and we’re building up a friendship.

My family are also slowly coming on board with things. I guess what I’m saying is, the tablets can really help, I’m so grateful that I didn’t let my fears stop me from taking the medication. I didn’t realise it at the time but they were a huge huge help to me. They do have different kinds as well if one doesn’t seem to work. They’re a short term measure ~ although Temple Grandin swears by them and is still to this day on a very low dose ~ so of course, for some people they are also a long term solution. But they work best in conjunction with some other kind of support as well.

My gp’s are also a great help to me. I rarely visit gp’s but having them to go to has been a great help and they always seem to say one little thing that when I process it, helps me in some way.

I also had a direction. I knew that when I was ready, when I had rested enough etc, I was going to work for myself, from my laptop. I didn’t know how that was going to happen or what it would look like etc but it was a goal I was looking forwards to.

Since my rest, I still have a long way to go. I’ve got 50 years of ‘stuff’ to sort through and sort out in my house. I’m minimising down to what I can fit into a camper van because when I am in the U.K., that’s what I’m going to live in. A converted sprinter van. And when I’m away, I’m going to travel light.

So I guess my journey of recovery came in stages ~ I actually broke down at the end of 2012, that episode finally lead me to my autism diagnosis at the end of last year. Since then I have built up a good support network. This all came about when I found the courage to tell people what was really going on for me.

The first person I told was my work coach at the job centre. After I had built up enough trust in her, one day, I just told her what was going on for me. She just stopped, stared at me and said, you need help. She arranged for me to have a support worker from the wellbeing team and gave me my first ever support through a meltdown. She is always encouraging me and showing me how far I’ve come when I’m feeling like I’m going nowhere. For example, she will remind me that I now get out of bed most days and less than a few months ago I wasn’t even managing that. I still don’t eat everyday etc but I’m eating more and better than I was. She and my support worker remind me of these things because I seem to forget, very quickly.

I think the biggest help of all was me finally being open and honest with people about how life is for me and from that, slowly but surely the help started to filter into my life.

I found out about the autism group on my way to the job centre for my first appointment. I started to have a meltdown so walked into the nearest shop, in town, round the corner from the job centre. I just walked in and announced, I’m autistic, I’m having a meltdown, I’ve walked in here because I need to calm down, I’m on my way for an appointment at the job centre.

I heard a voice from a woman who said, my son’s autistic and he’s stood over there, go and talk to him. I did, I calmed down and he told me about the autism group he goes to every week. I now go there and we’re great friends. We look forward to seeing each other every week and both our faces light up when we see each other.

You know yourself better than anybody else but others can help us if we allow them to. I’ve always been a lone warrior, doing it my way or no way but I’ve found the support I have now invaluable. I literally wouldn’t be able to leave my house without the support of these guys and you good folk on here.

What other support are you getting and who is in your support network and what is your dream life that you’re working towards?

I'm too depressed to even think about taking anti depressants

I don't know your workplace and you may be right. Guess the other problem is that people who would understand things like this aren't that obvious. The ones always shouting loudest how well they understand and support everybody forget about this the moment you ask for help...

I also am totally into stimming jewellery (like those heavy bike chain bracelets). I also have a pressure jacket (it is expensive though, I wonder if your company has enough money to purchase it for you like they would a braille type writer for a blind person) - they could subtract it from taxes? I have Peltor Optime 1 3M earmuffs. 

If your company could buy things for you on their disability budget, you could ask for Bose noise cancelling earphones (that really would make a difference!)

I do not think that I have got anyone at work who understands the problem and could help me with that fight.

I am on my own.