I would like some recommendations (e.g. reading materials) for me (a non-autistic person) to be able to empathise better with my boyfriend.
I'm dating a very lovely (probably, but never diagnosed) autistic man. He cares very deeply about me, but on some occasions this doesn't come across in his actions as he's wired a little differently. There are a lot of small examples, such as leaving a cafe table when he's done, despite the fact that I still haven't finished my coffee, or not being very good at knowing what to do if I'm ill. In these situations, I know on an intellectual level that he does care, but it can be difficult not to have a emotional reaction in the opposite direction.
He's working on trying to be more aware of my feelings, but I also need to do the same in return, in particular understanding him better and not feeling so offended when these things happen, but also how I can change my actions to make it easier for him.
Has anyone got any recommendations to help me here? I was imagining that someone might have a book that they found helpful, but I'm happy to look at something in whatever form - blog post, documentary, magazine article, TED talk, TV series, or your own comments and recommendations.
Thanks in advance.
Now, aren't you just the darned sweetest thing?! ;-)
You're willing to make compromise, to actually take time to understand, make accommodations, and to actually work at this (two way) relationship. Forget books and blogs - you need to go on tour and teach other Neurotypicals how it's done! Seriously, the fact that you're so considerate and willing in the first instance is half the battle. I'm not in a position to make recommendations, but your openness puts you in good stead I suspect.
That partner of yours is a lucky man, and I wish you both every happiness together.
Thanks for your kind words. He's working hard on making me happy so I don't think I should be given too much credit for doing my side of the work! For me, one sign of a good relationship is that you both make each other better people. If I can be more understanding of a wider group of people as a result of going out with him, that's a great added bonus to our relationship.