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Recommendations to empathise with autistic boyfriend

NAS36426
over 6 years ago

Hi,

I would like some recommendations (e.g. reading materials) for me (a non-autistic person) to be able to empathise better with my boyfriend. 

I'm dating a very lovely (probably, but never diagnosed) autistic man.  He cares very deeply about me, but on some occasions this doesn't come across in his actions as he's wired a little differently.  There are a lot of small examples, such as leaving a cafe table when he's done, despite the fact that I still haven't finished my coffee, or not being very good at knowing what to do if I'm ill.  In these situations, I know on an intellectual level that he does care, but it can be difficult not to have a emotional reaction in the opposite direction.  

He's working on trying to be more aware of my feelings, but I also need to do the same in return, in particular understanding him better and not feeling so offended when these things happen, but also how I can change my actions to make it easier for him. 

Has anyone got any recommendations to help me here?  I was imagining that someone might have a book that they found helpful, but I'm happy to look at something in whatever form - blog post, documentary, magazine article, TED talk, TV series, or your own comments and recommendations. 

Thanks in advance.

Parents
  • over 6 years ago

    Hi there!

    First of all, thank you! It's really nice to know that you're taking the time to understand your partners autism, in order to make this relationship successful - it takes a very caring and selfless person to do that. Even if it doesn't seem like much, your partner will really appreciate how much effort and thought you are putting towards making this work for both of you!

    I think that the two core things that are needed are patience and tolerance. Sometimes (as you've seen), things aren't what you expect, but understand that this may simply be the way your partner has learned to act in the situation. Being patient and tolerant will serve you very well. This isn't to say that you are impatient and intolerant right now, just that they are both key skills that you'd need to make this work as best as possible!x

    Much love <3

Reply
  • over 6 years ago

    Hi there!

    First of all, thank you! It's really nice to know that you're taking the time to understand your partners autism, in order to make this relationship successful - it takes a very caring and selfless person to do that. Even if it doesn't seem like much, your partner will really appreciate how much effort and thought you are putting towards making this work for both of you!

    I think that the two core things that are needed are patience and tolerance. Sometimes (as you've seen), things aren't what you expect, but understand that this may simply be the way your partner has learned to act in the situation. Being patient and tolerant will serve you very well. This isn't to say that you are impatient and intolerant right now, just that they are both key skills that you'd need to make this work as best as possible!x

    Much love <3

Children
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