Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I would like some recommendations (e.g. reading materials) for me (a non-autistic person) to be able to empathise better with my boyfriend.
I'm dating a very lovely (probably, but never diagnosed) autistic man. He cares very deeply about me, but on some occasions this doesn't come across in his actions as he's wired a little differently. There are a lot of small examples, such as leaving a cafe table when he's done, despite the fact that I still haven't finished my coffee, or not being very good at knowing what to do if I'm ill. In these situations, I know on an intellectual level that he does care, but it can be difficult not to have a emotional reaction in the opposite direction.
He's working on trying to be more aware of my feelings, but I also need to do the same in return, in particular understanding him better and not feeling so offended when these things happen, but also how I can change my actions to make it easier for him.
Has anyone got any recommendations to help me here? I was imagining that someone might have a book that they found helpful, but I'm happy to look at something in whatever form - blog post, documentary, magazine article, TED talk, TV series, or your own comments and recommendations.
Thanks in advance.
You could have a look at 'Asperger Syndrome - A Love Story' by Sarah Hendrickx. Rather cheesy title, but it has lots of examples of her boyfriend's behaviour which you might recognise. It includes input from him too with explanations as to why he does certain things. Might be useful.
Thanks! You're right - I would have steered away with something with such a cheesy title, so I'm glad to have a recommendation! I've just started reading it, so I'm only a chapter in, but it seems exactly what I was looking for, especially as it is half written from his point of view.
I don't know how much difference it makes but it is my understanding that after she had written that book Sarah Hendrickx realised that she too is autistic (I haven't read it). I'd say read and understand as much as you can, both of you, so that you can behave in a way which is true to yourselves whilst not hurting the other more than necessary.
Your willingness to accept and learn about something other than the norm is more than half the battle I suspect. I hope you can make each other happy.