Dating

We could start one. 

I have seen people here looking for partners.

Like this one.

You can post an advert here.

It would be nice if they would create a forum here where people could look for partners and find love.

Now I'm not saying I've dated loads, maybe a couple dozen people in my adult life (and none as a teenager), three of which were serious and lasted more than a year. I'm also currently single so take my advice with a pinch of salt, I put that down to not having found the right person yet, others might say I'm just not a relationship person (and to an extent I'd have to agree as I don't need anyone, I'm very much happy with my own company).

Pretty much my position, too.

I've dated in the past and will again going forward, I haven't looked for the last year or so as I moved back in with my mum for a bit to allow me to save extra to buy a house, which I've now done. I'll probably start looking again in a few months, right now I'm working a lot so it would be difficult but once the two biggest projects are delivered I'll have quite a bit more time.

In the past I've used Match.com and Tinder, both went pretty well in that I got a reasonable level of replies, Match was about 6-7 years ago and I think it's quite different now. Tinder I tried a few times and although the response rate is quite low (men outnumber women and there are a lot of "like" collectors on there. But I went on a 14 dates and about 10 second and third dates, however you do have to make yourself stand out from the crowd a little, a generic head shot, standing around shot and sparse profile detail really won't work, you need something to be able to work with.

I also know from talking to other people that the online dating world is brutal on men (less so on women), if you're over 25, 30 max and live with your parents then women aren't interested, if you're overweight they probably aren't interested, if you're short they probably aren't interested, if you'e unemployed your chance is almost zero, if you live outside of London and don't drive they probably aren't interested. I was on Match at a point when I was 16 stone and unfit, I toned up as I was on a fitness drive and got down to a lean, trim toned 12 stone 4 lbs and I went from getting virtually no replies to messages I sent, to being actively messaged by women. It's as much about making yourself as marketable as anything else. You want someone to find you attractive as a person, but you won't get the chance to meet them and let them find out who you are if you don't sell yourself enough to engage in the first place.

I've also met people in the past doing things, but that does involve actively forcing myself to do them, I've done cooking courses, cocktail making, one year I learnt to surf (and drunk more sea water than anyone ever should) etc. and they work because there's a task to focus on that you're all sharing and can talk about rather than having to think about what to say all the time. I've also met people through a work environment. Now I'm not saying I've dated loads, maybe a couple dozen people in my adult life (and none as a teenager), three of which were serious and lasted more than a year. I'm also currently single so take my advice with a pinch of salt, I put that down to not having found the right person yet, others might say I'm just not a relationship person (and to an extent I'd have to agree as I don't need anyone, I'm very much happy with my own company).

I've come to that conclusion myself.  I'm much more content now living alone than I ever was in a relationship - despite the obvious downsides!

A favourite film of mine is 'Lonesome Jim', starring Casey Affleck.  In one scene, he asks his uncle if he has a girlfriend.

'No.  I use hookers.  They're cheaper!'

A nice bit of cynicism, that!

But I understand how it is for many people.  I know a lot of Aspies who are desperately lonely people.  And a desperately lonely Aspie is probably a lot more desperately lonely than the average NT.  We have a lot more hurdles to jump.

I think, if I did decide to try for another relationship, it could only be with certain understandings in place first.  Mainly - no cohabitation.  I know people who've sustained very successful relationships for many years, but by living apart.  Not hundreds of miles, necessarily - but apart nevertheless.  A chap I know in Devon has a great relationship with his partner, who lives 10 minutes' walk away.  That would do me!

I recommend against dating humans. They're undependable, immoral fusspots. I'm quite happy riding my motorcycle. Solitary freedom is satisfaction.

Free versions of dating software do attract all sorts and although people might think they're looking for one thing, the nature of humans is it often transpires they want something else. I've been guilty of putting profiles up and talking to people when I think I've been ready for a new relationship only to find it too much and retreat.

If you're getting nowhere with the free sites the next logical step for me would be to look at paid versions. Someone I work with was looking for someone with a professional post so they signed up to elite singles. Two weeks later they met someone through the site and have been happily dating for over a year. A site where people think they're 'elite' wouldn't be my thing so I'd want to try somewhere else. If you google best dating site 2018, a list of the latest apps and websites will come up.

I noticed you said 'need', not 'want'.  Forgive me, but it suggests at any costs. 'The hundred or so potentials' does, too.  I only say that because when, in the past, I felt 'desperate' about having an intimate relationship, that's when I generally ended up getting into problems.  I'd put adverts in papers, join dating agencies, go to singles nights (not many of the latter - too scary!).  I wanted something so badly that I would go to any lengths.  And the few relationships that did transpire from such activity were generally not good.  People weren't being honest in their adverts.  People were saying they were looking for one thing, but wanted another (looking for love, just wanted sex), etc.  I'm not saying that's a general rule.  But it never worked for me.

At the same time, I know it's difficult.  If you're like me, you don't find it easy (or you more likely find it impossible) going down the more traditional routes: chatting up, flirting, asking out people you know.  There's no really easy answer, unfortunately.

There are dating sites specifically for people with Asperger's.  Would you want to meet someone who's also on the spectrum - and with whom you've at least crossed that barrier?  I think if I was actively looking for someone else now, I'd probably start there.