Seeking perspective: Nervous about my June assessment after an NHS rejection

I don't have eating issues with regards to controlling weight but I eat in odd ways. Fir example, as an anorexic I was scared to eat certain foods like pizza and sandwiches. I can eat sandwiches now but not as a sandwich... I need to take the filling out and separate the bread. I can eat the bread later or same time but it no longer looks like a sandwich. Or I only eat cold food. 

I tend to never eat with forks... I also don't like to eat in front of people but can do although it makes me feel anxious and annoyed as I need to pretend I eat like everyone else.

I like to eat in plastic containers for example. I combine fruit and salty stuff. It's never a cooked meal but bits and pieces like in one recipient I can put popcorn, chicken breast, hoummus, a cookie and an apple.

Was you diagnosed with autism and ADHD in the end, i cannot tell from what you wrote if you had a self diagnosis or professional..

Btw, I also developed an eating disorder at 15 and have been inpatient for anorexia a number of times in my life. 

Hello.

It must have been quite confusing living inside this without an overall understanding or framework to explain your experiences.

Could I ask if you still have eating issues? Does it go away or transfer to something else, or is it always in the background? Please don't feel pressured to answer. I am just curious because I know of a few other people with similar challenges.

My traits were misdiagnosed as Borderline personality disorder due to the emotional Dysregulation (this is mainly someone messing up my "plans" which can be interpreted as rigid routines). I also suffered from anorexia from age 16 after two "friends" rejected me (now I understand I must have been rude to them or something didn't align with them). 

That's when my masking came off apparently. I developed the special interest of calorie counting, exercise (8-9 hours each day) and being skeletal. Nobody could mess up with my strict routines, noted in detail by detailing each activity hour by hour. I weighed 28kg at my lowest. That was for several until I developed bulimia. Another strict routine, etc 

It's now recognised that anorexia nervosa is many times how autism presents in girls after the controlled "safe" environment of primary school.

Alongside the anorexia, bulimia I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression too.

As my family never knew my real reason for my meltdowns and "rude" behaviour, they kept reminding me my whole life how much I ruined their lives so I also developed PTSD and was diagnosed with it after the family feud after my father died and inheritance became an issue. So I was referred to CBT and in there the clinical psychologist determined I had issues maintaining relationships (I already had this documented in my reports of other diagnoses). He also noted I had a strong sense of justice and followed rules.

However, he didn't diagnosed me with anything but documented our sessions.

It's now that I know the reality and why no therapy ever worked. No antidepressants etc. I also have ADHD so that also contributes to difficulty diagnosing because some traits are similar.

i have looked at this and it seems that you need to meet the criteria in the behavioural group which is the repetitive interests and stereotyped behaviour. This includes sensory. Now you don't need to score highly, but you need to meet the criteria as it is based on three elements and you need two from that criteria. From what you have written you may get 1 point for sensory which is in this section and for being inflexible may award you to perhaps 1 point, so it seems that there may be a chance.

Unusual Sensory Interest 

 Hand and Finger and Other Complex Mannerisms

 Excessive Interest in Unusual or Highly Specific Topics/ Objects or Repetitive Behaviours

 Compulsions or Rituals

www.autism.org.uk/.../criteria-and-tools-used-in-an-autism-assessment

Hello.

What to expect: generally it is talking, with perhaps some simple tasks. There should be some questionaires beforehand. I think there is done variability in exactly how it is structured. Knowing it is hard to think of examples of things on the spot, I filled out a lengthy form beforehand which covered many areas (I wrote about 15-20 pages). I had examples of most things. So the discussions were some clarifying questions, some general background information about my life, so additional questions. I was burnt out, so I couldn't mask although I was trying hard not to, I was dysregulated, and traits were quite apparent.

I have mentioned on here before they had decided from the initial discussion, so the process was making sure there was enough evidence. But in the initial discussion I had filled no forms or questionnaires, it was just a discussion about why I wanted to be assessed. There must have been something in my body language, communication and comments that face it away.

My point being it is a combination of factors you probably can't easily see in yourself.

Note that ASD is the bucket at the end you fall into if other things don't fit completely. Often autistic people have comorbidities, other conditions, such as anxiety, trauma, depression, etc. so they are looking for something more than this.

There is no specific test, like a blood test, to prove autism. So it is somewhat subjective. But I think experienced people can probably tell. I also think there is more experience with women now, it is not as rare.

I believe misdiagnosis amongst people who mask well is quite common. Both sexes can mask.

You don't have to tick all the boxes. I don't obviously stim most of the tine as far as I know, for example. I am not clumsy at all, indeed quite the opposite. So it is ok to deviate on sober items or not gave them.

Depression and burnout cab reduce interests and hobbies. Activities can be less obvious though, like being obsessive about work, or certain tv programs, or having set routines without really knowing why, like clothes having to be folded a certain way. 

I didn't think I had much till I thought about it over a few weeks and found I had loads. They discounted a few, I just tried to capture all my thoughts.

The main thing is to try to be yourself. Don't say what you think they want to hear, but say what is true. Things which seem inconsistent, contradictory or unrelated may show a pattern you are not aware of.

just bumping this in case someone could help

hope it goes well