I got the diagnosis - now what???

Hey!  I got my diagnosis of Autism a week ago.. and my ADHD diagnosis back in Feb.. and I am still trying to figure it out!! but from the help of everyone here and my nearest and dearest I know that taking a step back is the best thing you can do. everything you are feeling is completely valid.. and felt and still feel like an imposter even though I have it in black and white in front of me.  I didnt think I was Autistic.. but my ADHD assessor said erm yes I think so!  Only ever unmask when you feel ready. I think it will start to come naturally as you begin to understand yourself and learn what works best for you. read a little each week.. try not to consume yourself with all the information. (Trust me I was in full meltdown last week!) and just remember you are still the same lovely human you were you will just have a better understanding going forward.. and the tools to appreciate and love yourself more! 

Hi Kool_kat , hope everything is settling down a bit now. It can be quite turbulent at the start, trying to work out what it all means to you. 

There is a lot about the whole unmasking thing, but that in itself is a huge step, so don't feel it's something you need to address immediately, let all the feelings settle and figure out what you want -trying to make big decisions when you aren't feeling stable is tricky.

You'll get there in time when you want to, but you don't need to suddenly change overnight. You are still the person you've always been, but hopefully the diagnosis will help you feel better and more kind to yourself to find your happy place, hopefully with people who can support you too.

Hi Kool_Kat

Congratulations on your diagnosis.

As always, community members have stepped up and provided helpful advice. When you're ready, you could have a look at the stories and information shared on our "How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis" page on our diagnosis hub.
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/how-will-i-feel-after-receiving-an-autism-diagnosi

You'll see that the feelings you've described are not atypical for people in your situation.

Take some time to come to terms with this new inforamtion. Your community is here to support you.

Kind regards,

Sharon Mod

I actually went for ASD but there was already cross over on all the diagnostic forms I had filled in myself before approach a private diagnosis.

Thank you. I am so glad ive found this community!

Im worried about unmasking and if people dont like the real me? What if my husband only likes the masked version? 

Regards telling people, I think im going to wait until ive read the report. Only a few knew I was going for the assessment. 

Definitely a lot to get your head around! Did you suspect ASD or did it just come about through the ADHD process?

Thank you so much for taking the time to give so much information. 

I think you're right about why I didnt spot it in me. 

Im already questioning things and seeing things differently. Spotting extra little quirks and wondering if that's because of the autism. 

Definitely the beginning of a journey. 

It is common to think you fooled them, after all you're normal, it's everyone else who is strange, you're just doing what you've always done. You aren't that bad really. Don't worry, you didn't fool them, they know what they are looking for.

T️he reasons it can be hard to see in yourself, in my opinion, are:

1. You see other people's outside so you can see patterns or behaviours. You see your inside and it is hard to see how you appear. You are inside the system.
2. You have reasons why you do things. So you can justify what you do. This hides objective observation of your traits and behaviours. You don't see other people reasons or thoughts, just what they do. 
3. When you are dysregulated, you are dysregulated so can't see that you are dysregulated. How do you know your thinking is affected when the only thing to measure it is inside the system.
4. You have always felt this way, you don't know what other people feel, you have nothing to compare it to. You assume everyone else feels the same and struggles the same, you just feel it more or find things harder or something, or just need to try harder.
5. Due to masking to fit in, you think you are normal. You are just trying to be like everyone else. So why wouldn't you be like everyone else.
6. You can do things. Sometimes they are harder than others, so it must just be you lack will power. Not that you issues, or stress or burnout.
7. Due to being misunderstood you can internalise problems and minimise them. You stop paying attention to how you feel. You can't really have an issue.
8. You may have preconceived ideas about what it is. It might not be accurate, or based on stereotypes, ir things you don't have. You may have negative opinions based on media or older ideas, so it isn't a club you want to join.
9. You may just be confused. I was.
10. You may have other issues you put things down too, I'm just a bit sensitive, or too romantic, or a bit quirky, or think too much, or whatever.

You get the idea. 

You now have permission to stop pushing so hard, to be kinder to yourself, to feel what you're feeling.

You're about to go on a journey to find who you are. You'll go in a big loop wondering about all sorts of things, revisiting the past a d reframing it with a new lens, questioning stuff, then realise after a lot of doubt when you get back to where you started that you are still you. Only a few small things will change, but it will feel different. It is mostly psychological shifts.

You will be able to just be you, rather than trying to be you. You will know why you are you. You will be able to be deliberate about what you do.

This may sound odd, but I think you may 'get it' in due course.

There is no manual because everyone is different. If you have therapy, and you may.neec sone guidance, then be aware they tend to focus on feelings not explanations. They focus on how to feel better, not on how and why and what.

Unmasking is about not people pleasing, developing confidence, being you and not who you think you should be, paying attention to how you feel.

This is all my opinion, other people may see things differently. Things may vary depending on male/female perspectives too.

Good luck. I believe in modern terms, 'you got this', which is supposed to be supportive and encouraging. 

I’m in the same situation and I actually feel I could accept the ADHD diagnosis more than the ASD diagnosis. I too asked myself did I manipulate this somehow? I’m 58 and no living family and no friends who knew me as a child so it all came from my experience. It’s a struggle isn’t it?

Post diagnosis can be a challenging time. Suspecting and knowing are different. Self acceptance as autistic is the first step. You may have conflicting emotions - vindicated, confused and sad not to find out earlier. This will take a while to settle. Disclosure is a very personal thing, and you can't untell someone. Masking is an exhausting survival tactic, so you may want to gently experiment with being more 'you' in one setting where it feels safe. Above all, congratulations on your discovery and go gently with yourself whilst it all sinks in. This community will be here for you.