Saddness after diagnosis

Hello and congrats on being brave enough to reach out for support. This can be a daunting stop to take so cudos for that.

The main thing to realise is that post diagnosis you are are exactly the same person (just as kiwipip  says) - nothing was done to you in the process but you are now the owner of one powerful bit of knowledge.

Now you know what us are the root of many of your lifelong challenges you effectively have a manual for it - there are many hundreds of books on autism out there so there is no shortage of advice and all you need to do it decide how/if you want to go on this journey of discovery and healing.

It really is all positives when you look at it - the past is gone and cannot be changed so do not dwell on it. Learn the lessons from it and use it to shape your future.

Your therapis and you are likely to have a bit of a journey as you explore what your experiences have been, the traumas it has caused and through exploring them (or unpacking as the therapist will call it) you will be able to realise you were not to blame for this stuff and you can start to forgive yourself and accept what has happened.

This process can be painful but is very important to heal the traumas which are most likely still causing you to act in certain ways today that may not be the healthiest ways. Once complete you should hopefully feel a bit drained but much more "whole". Talk to the therapist if you are worried about it and they can explain the value of the process.

You can also explore ways for you to cope better with things that stress you, decide if you simply want to avoid them or become better at enduring them when they are inescapable.

So really it is all great news.

If you want a book that is really accessible to dip in and out of with a great index of subects I can recomment:

Autism For Dummies (2025) - ISBN 9781394301003 (paberback); ISBN 9781394301027 (ebook)

Thanks so much Iain and kiwipip  This big wish not to have sensory issues and do like 13 stuff a day like a n.typical is high and I am feeling left out. I wish to read about how to minimize this huge sensory overload I have when I am not alone, I really wanna join society, I like connections. Somehow this sadness feels like resting now.

Part of accepting your autism is knowing that there are things which will always be difficult but you can find ways to make them work so long as you realise they come at a cost to your mental energy.

Ma.ra. said:

This big wish not to have sensory issues

Your seneses will always be, err, sensitive so what you can do is find ways to blunt the worst of the things that affect you.

Bright lights get to you? Change for dimmer, softer coloured bulbs at home and ask work to do the same near your desk.

Loud noises make your head hurt? Noise cancelling earphones work great for most stuff and let you have a  conversation with them in. For really bad stuff (construction) get ear defenders to block it almost entirely.

Tactile issues? if you use public transport then wear thin gloves so you can hold the poles. Change things at home so they are all friendly to your senses. 

Smells get right up your nose (bad pun I know)? Manage what cleaning products are used at home so you get least nasal assault, agree what is cooked so you can be out when onions are cooked for example, ask family members not to use perfume etc.

Controlling your environment as much as is reasonable can make a big difference and blunting the effect of the outside will also help, but you can't "fix" everything. By reducing the load on you it should be easier to cope with.

Ma.ra. said:

I really wanna join society, I like connections

Would I be right in thinking you feel that you don't know how to make connections / friends? You feel like you say all the wrong things and get the cues all wrong so end up marginalised?

This is very common for autists and is something I'm slowly writing an article around to offer some in depth advice.

For now we can be your community - we are probably just as awkward as you can be and some people have unusual reactions stemming from a life of trauma so it helps to make allowances.

On the whole people here are a great bunch and even those I disagree with I would never want them to stop contributing.

We can be your network and support if it works for you.

I read here the letters and I feel accomodated. And I can’t rely on my brother and mother cause they are n.divergent also but I really can get calmer if you guys understand me and I don’t feel that lonely.

I’ve read these and finally fall asleep for a bit which I can’t do since a long time

And yes like Iain said - reaching out for support is a massive thing and it’s amazing that you have been brave enough to do that and take that step when you needed it 

And yes like Iain said - reaching out for support is a massive thing and it’s amazing that you have been brave enough to do that and take that step when you needed it 

I read here the letters and I feel accomodated. And I can’t rely on my brother and mother cause they are n.divergent also but I really can get calmer if you guys understand me and I don’t feel that lonely.

I’ve read these and finally fall asleep for a bit which I can’t do since a long time