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Friendships

NAS90995

How do I build up a wall in my heart against getting hurt in a friendship, when a colleague doesn't want to have the same intensity of friendship as I do. I normally don't let anyone get close to me, but if there's someone who I connect with I can't help but feel like I've been best friends with them for years and the friendship isn't reciprocated in the same way. The other person is more polite than wanting to build a close friendship. I don't know how to pull my friendship and heart back. Can anyone give me advice plz x

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  • I have had this issue too. I have had people that try and form a connection with me and they end up no longer making any effort to maintain/build on the friendship. They got what they needed from me or they have other connections they'd rather pursue. The hardest thing is accepting that some times you're going to have people that are either just being polite or are just using you. Not everyone is like that, there's going to be some likeminded people :)

    I think making friends at work is hard, there's the expectation that just because you work together you need to a good relationship. This relationship is typically a working one, meaning it only exists at work, which I find quite confusing at times. Have you only experienced this sort of rejection at work?

    You shouldn't stop being yourself, there's people out there that will like you for who you are. But be careful of overstepping boundaries, if someone doesn't want the same intensity of relationship as you then you'd need to respect that and give them space. 

  • in reply to Lizard Queen

    I have had lots of rejection previously and have rejection sensitive dysphoria, due to being bullied in comp. 

    It's learning how to pull back that I'm struggling with, without taking offense at the same time. 

  • in reply to NAS90995

    I want to give you advice but im terrible at making and keeping friendships so im not sure what to say. I do know what its like to be rejected and lose friends though. The last time I made a friend my age in real life was 5 years ago. Ive made some lovely friends on here but they are all autistic so thats probably why its easier.

    Maybe you could try being yourself and just try to pay extra close attention to how they respond. If they seem uncomfortable then you would know to back off a bit. We communicate differently so NTs might need more time to know each other before they start acting like life long friends. 

  • in reply to NAS90995

    Your very welcome 

    can you not access any meet up groups for Nd’s near you at all? I think meeting someone who has similarities to you might be a great place to start. I would like to be able to do that myself one day and think it would be really nice to share some things in common with people who understand us. Before I can do that me and my wife need to talk about all this, for now it’s a forbidden topic. 

  • in reply to Take5

    Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot. We are wired very differently and I hate the guessing game that goes with it. 

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