Don’t like myself/ confused!

Great info on YouTube by a woman about your age, husband left last year, has kids…

MomontheSpectrum - Taylor Heaton

I learned so much about my new diagnosis by watching her every night. Your story is very similar to hers.  She has a website by same name.

Also: 

OrionKelly.com.au - Hilariously blunt and real about autism challenges. Well-spoken. I learned so much from his different topics! Orion is a fantastic communicator - funny and Educational…. Shares parenting challenges he has… about your age. 

Two great YouTube resources to help AND make you say, “Wow! That is ME!”  

Good luck to you!

I was recently diagnosed and I experienced this same “who AM I?” thing. It took 6 months for me to “adjust” to knowing why I am different from my family. My family excludes and dislikes me - despite always asking me to “help” when they need something. 

In therapy I learned how to set boundaries - lots of them.

I also created a “support circle” for me! New doc - very knowledgeable of autism. Neurodivergent therapist who is amazing. Instead of letting doc play with meds - I got a Psychiatrist who only works with autistic people and their medication. (Finally meds work!) I have two really good friends in the town I live in - which is 1,200 miles from my FAMILY. This works for me - NO drama as I am no longer aware of all the family squabbles.

Make your COMFORTABLE circle of people. This lets me know I have people to go to if things in life start to unravel.

If you have children, find 3 other moms you enjoy and invite them over. Yea, it can be difficult to find those you fit with but the rewards are great! I had 4 friends while my kids were growing up - me a single mom. They stepped in to help with rides, friendship and “Mom’s Nights” when someone felt down. Great “therapy”… a small circle of laughing moms! 

When we get a diagnosis - yes, we realize HOW HARD we work to function like others. We notice all our flaws. I had a panic attack!!! lol! But, eventually, I stopped trying to act Neurotypical. I have high IQ and am “quirky” and friends and strangers don’t even notice. FAMILY are my biggest critics, discouragers, etc. So, I moved far away and THIS sadly makes my life easier. 

I am also more conscious of how I come across to others, so now I just ask, “Did I say something wrong?” “Did I offend you?” Etc…

I also TELL people who I want to get to know better -  a few important details about me… so they are more forgiving. (I am autistic and I am faceblind. I NEVER recognize people which makes making friends difficult. Now, I just tell people and they aren’t offended.)

yes, you may come across differently than YOU assumed you did to people BUT you are still the SAME you - and that is perfectly OKAY!

My family refuses to acknowledge I am autistic despite 3 different diagnosing doctors!!Not everyone will be nice. People will gossip. 
So learn to set boundaries. I’ll tolerate this… but not that, etc.Ask your best friends to TELL YOU if you mess up - and stop over-analyzing yourself. (Easier said than done! I know! Most autistic people hyper-focus!). Believe me - this WILL wear off as you get used to your diagnosis.

Lastly, have a therapist or trusted friend go over the report with you… and ask for their feedback - their opinions of how you come across. This helped me. My best friend said, “Well yes you do this….” Or  “ No, you never do that.” It helped me get my bearings with my new diagnosis.

PS - If you worry about how you come across to others - you ARE a nice person! Unkind people simply don’t care!

Find a few new friends you can be yourself with. 
Divorce is hard. It is SO difficult but look at it this way, you are young, you know yourself very well… and now you have a NEW BEGINNING …. A NEW ADVENTURE!!! Do something YOU really want to do! There is a big world out there full of people who aren’t as critical as your family! Make a “family” of friends and support people you can go to. Build a new life.

Round 2 of life will go better because you know what boundaries to set, you know how YOU function best, etc. 

I am 57 - starting over and am sooo excited to live a HAPPY life free of over-enthusiastic critics. I am ME… and I happened to also have autism. If people can’t adapt - they don’t have to. 

You can do this! You have a long life ahead!! Be THANKFUL you didn’t wast another 15 years of your life  (like I did) on a failing marriage. Make your life a FUN life. 

If you get too overwhelmed- find a therapist who is EXPERIENCED in working with autism. Other NT therapists just may not understand your struggles

Good luck to you!!! If I can do this at MY age… you can do it at a YOUNG 39!!’

Viewing your life situations as an ADVENTURE is possible - after you’ve had time to mourn, to grieve and let go of the past.

If you begin to feel suicidal find a therapist. They don’t lock you up… they help you look at all the changes and they HELP you build a new life. 

God bless you!. 

I had this feeling of breaking up with a boy, who I really am, what I want and why this is with me, first of all I understood that you need to accept, love and not blame yourself, understand your value and uniqueness, your feelings and desires,  and don't sacrifice yourself if you don't like something, let's accept ourselves as we are and  people will love us even more for our uniqueness

Hello,

I am sorry you feel that your family regard you as hard work. I have had a similar situation with my own family so cut off contact as it was an abusive relationship. I do wish I had done this many years ago as it is so liberating. We all struggle to fit in so please do not feel it is just you. You are part of a great community here with so many supportive friend's. 

I can relate to what you say. I have also been vulnerable and attracted unsuitable people. But they are in the past now. I am more aware now and choosy of my company. I wouldn't know if someone loved me. I didn't know that people liked me. I suppose that may be relating to not understanding feelings. My self-esteem is better. I get so chuffed when i get praise. Im 59! So i started believing people when they were nice to me or complimented me. Is it that you dont recognize love? Is it your belief that you have been punished for the things you have struggled with? Your perception? Is it you giving yourself a hard time? I just trying to help you look at it differently x

I also feel like if people knew the real me whatever that is they would dislike me as aside from my children I’ve never had unconditional love and have always been punished for the things I struggle with 

Thank you for responding, I do help a lot of people but in my report it said I’m quite vulnerable in the sense of people have used me historically (I have a lot of medical history dating back from childhood) so I also feel like I thought I was a good judge of character but maybe I’m not and I get worried people have only liked me as they’ve gained something from me rather than because of unconditional love, how do you help yourself with self esteem when you over think etc? X

I also get confused, who am i, where have i been all my life? But i must be a nice good person because people like me. But i didnt always know this. To be honest, i over think things too, and it makes me ill. Im.sure you come across well, and are a good person, but i understand your concerns. Also i think many people think the same as us. I bet you would be suprised how many people admire you x