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Masking Autism

Jodie

I'm really worried that my masking ability is decreasing with age. I'm nearly 34 and I am always struggling to fit in and make new friends even though I spend most of my evenings in exercise classes. Its very difficult and I just shut down in social environments then am left feeling disappointed and sad that I can't put myself out there and communicate. I am always the only one sitting alone quietly while everyone mingles.

I'm masking all day at work as I am always having to help people and have meetings. I'm just desperate to have people understand me but I'm afraid it won't change anything for the better. I also hold alot of resentment for having to carry this all my life without knowing I needed help.

How does everyone else cope with social and working life? Are you open or masking? 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thank you so much. Your advise and perspective does make me feel alot better Relieved 

  • in reply to Martin

    I get that. I have been masking for years, like I am on a world stage. But as you say, it can get tiring. Mimicking is my thing as well. No one would even know about my Autism. It is incredible how good one gets at it after a long time.

  • in reply to Jodie

    After a day in work, using your brain for things other people do naturally, there's often not much left in the tank. I know when I'm tired/exhausted, it's harder to deal with things, even small things like what happened with yourself. On another day, less tired, you might not have thought much about the comment. Your instructor was looking out for you. You might feel like a lemon but I bet no-one else notices.

  • in reply to Martin

    I completely agree with this. It is my family too that only see the real me and the burnt out me after a long day of acting!

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thank you for that advise. I do go because I enjoy the classes but hate the before part feeling like a lemon lol. And yesterday I was asking my instructor a question 1 to 1 and she asked me if I was OK as I seemed emotional .... I felt embarrassed because I was actually fine. It makes me think this is what I look like all the time

  • I used to go to exercise class after work. I'd stand there like a lemon while everyone socialised before we started. I could only manage hello and I didn't know how to do it like everyone else. Looking back, further socialising after work, no matter how small, all added up to exhaustion. Yes we want connections with people but it's also perfectly fine to sit there and be quiet if you are going for the activity rather than the social aspect. Ask yourself if this is what you really want or need after a day masking in work.

  • I mask, I mask fairly seamlessly. No one who met me at work or socially would imagine that I am autistic. The only people to whom my diagnosis makes sense are my family and very close friends. My masking does not cause me any distress, it is as much part of me as my autism. It is, however, tiring. It is like being an actor - remembering lines of dialogue and stage directions - all day long. When I worked full-time, I am now retired, it was my family who would see me exhausted from socialising all day at work.