Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I’m 21 and recently started a job in retail as i am a student and I’ve completely used up my loan due to everything going up so much in price
For me, in this new job it’s not so much the customers, or even the work that is the hard part, but instead struggling to get on with my colleagues however a couple times i have been confused by simple instructions which has led to unusual looks from the people giving me them
Currently im spending 8 hours being absolutely mentally exhausted by trying to fit in with the other girls, constantly nitpicking how im stood, what i need to say to seem funny, thinking they all think im a freak because im bad at joining in with the small talk / gossip aspect
im coming home after work and just breaking down every day because i just can’t access that social connection every one else seems to have, i was hoping for any tips or support
i also wanted to add this has been a pattern for me where i get a new job, put myself through a few weeks of distress trying to communicate with the others, and then get so upset that i can’t break through that barrier - that i end up calling off sick most days and end up leaving. So now i have had a few jobs where i’ve been there for only a month and it does feel really shameful and as if it hopeless.
ive been exactly the same, pushing through jobs where im so anxious and cannot communicate at all, that i get into a pattern of calling in sick and realising i cant go back and end up quitting. ive just started a new job 3 days ago and already feeling overwhelmed and unsure what to do
If you are struggling, you can see if there is a fund at your place of study, I cant remember the exact name for it, but it is a fund where you can get help towards living costs, if you live at home with your parents then you would have to say you are independent from them. Or if you are renting then give them your proof of rent and costs. There might be a hardship fund too. You can explain you are autistic and cannot do work and study. You sound like you should be on pip. I understand what you are going through, been through all this myself.
I got so stressed and picked on, in time though you will be able to learn small talk but usually when you are older. Balancing work and study can lead to meltdowns.
you would be maybe better trying for an office job, and training by doing an admin course when you leave college, and you could try to look into a quiet office job and see how that goes, you might be able to find one part time. Or if it is far too stressful then you might be an person who will not work, but will volunteer ever so often. or work for yourself. Is there perhaps a work from home job you could find?
Of your place of study might have some student jobs that might suit you better. Lots of options for you.
Try not to worry a lot of us have been through what you have been through. Sadly some NTs have problems too, in that they cannot seem to be able to make us feel comfortable.