recently diagnosed and don’t know what to do

Hello.  Welcome to here.

NAS83614 said:

i’m just asking for advice on how to move forward, any tips on unmasking would be greatly appreciated and how to find yourself after hiding for almost 18 years

I am in your boat too.......but your 18 years is 50+ years in my case.  This is not lost time - merely part of our journeys.  Don't be angry.

I feel very alone and have done so all of my life - both before and after knowing of my autistic self.  I think this is just something that we need to come to terms with.  Animals help me greatly - perhaps they can help you too?

In terms of unmasking......please take care.  Slow and gentle is the way forward I believe.  Personally, I kept masking but did so in a very self-concious and analytical way.  I paid attention to how tense and tired I became and this allowed me to explore myself (that sounds so wrong!) so that I could then make appropriate adjustments to how I live my life - and with whom.  It is working - I think!?

My best advice to you is simply to hang around these pages. Reading about the experiences and feelings of others who are wired like us is extremely comforting and reassuring to me.  Moreover, I have been supported and helped here in ways that I did not expect.

Stay strong.  Welcome to our world.

Hi, lovely. Firstly, I would like to highlight just how much I am able to relate to your story. I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 18, and though it felt validating to finally have a label, I also felt angry that no one had noticed my traits. I went through a time of intense grief, where I considered how my life could have been different if I had received my diagnosis at an earlier age. I felt lonely and lost, so please know that you are not alone. 

This is a brilliant response and I'm going to hold onto this wisdom as I go through my own assessment. Thank you.

The weird thing after getting the diagnosis isn't necessarily what does change but how much doesn't change. The diagnosis is just a professional acknowledgement of a whole life you have already been experiencing internally without anyone's permission or knowledge since day 1. And that will not change, there doesn't need to be a rush to unmask to "be your authentic self" when some of those things you call a mask can be very difficult to separate from you because you've been doing it so long and some of those things you might want to keep as an option for you to use until you feel comfortable and safe, especially when meeting new people Because putting yourself out there can be kinda scary. The best way to find your authentic self now is to just take it slowly one day at time and if you think oh is this me masking? when you do something, ask yourself does it serve you better to keep it or let it go? Because your authentic self is always in there and rushing to unpack yourself of all the extra stuff you've picked up other the years can be exhausting. It's always tough when you try to learn a new way to be, and easier if you just be. :)
Something we autistics need to hear but sadly don't often is that we are enough just as we are. Because we are.
I'm sorry nobody belived you, I hope they do now because that sounds like it could be really tough if you don't have that accepting support network to begin unmasking with.

There is very little knowledge of autism out there, especially how it affects people who are academically bright. At least you didn't wait until you were 59 years old, like me, to realise that you were autistic and get a diagnosis, which is something. If I could get all the clinicians who think in simplistic yes/no terms about things like 'making eye-contact', or 'using gestures' or 'has a sense of humour', and could bang their heads together, it would take a long time before I would tire of doing it.

My mask is just part of me, I have accepted this; it does not cause me a great deal of distress anymore, but it can be exhausting.