How to encourage self control?

Thanks for that.

I think I'm resigned to the lack of feedback for M being a problem for life. I suppose I just want to find solutions for him to help him deal with this. As Hopeful says, avoidance of stressful situations is very important, particularly at school, but also at home, but I recognise that this isn't always possible, so he needs techniques to help him move on so that issues don't occupy his mind for too long and cause further upset.

Any ideas for techniques?

I have my own theory about this if it helps. It depends on two factors.

Most people rely on feedback, which may be non-spoken, that enables them to calm down over a perceived slight or umbrage. People on the autistic spectrum dont get that feedback.

Secondly the need to analyse social situations in order to understand what is going on makes people on the spectrum intensely analytical, and leads to a propensity for spiralling anxiety and very negative feelings, low self esteerm, depression etc.

Hence something that you would get over quickly, because you would see in others that they have forgotten, someone on the spectrum may still be trying to understand and may go through a number of interpretations trying to find a solution. There is nothing to stop the perceived slight pre-occupying their mind. Despite there being many such incidents, they will vie with each other for attention, which is what ups the stress.

I think you have to accept that the lack of feedback in social situations is there for life. The resultant stress may be resolvable if someone could come up with a strategy for reducing the tendancy to worry over issues and fixate. All the medical profession seems to come up with is medication. But there must be a way, if someone on the health side would set their minds to it, of helping people on the spectrum to improve "how to get down off the ceiling".

Everybody keeps trying to resolve social interaction, when it probably wont improve much. But stress control and strategies to reduce the analytical process might make lives easier.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

I think the stamping is a good idea - as long as that's seen as a sign he's upset as opposed to bad behaviour in itself!

Yes, he has a quiet place to go to - but doesn't always use it in time, I think. He's good at using it at break or lunch though.

You're right about the fair play thing. It's particularly important that things are SEEN to be fair in his eyes. I talked to staff today about his need to let him know that x or y has been spoken to and "told off" for bad behaviour, just as he would have been in the same situation. At the moment he's rather fixated on the unfairness of it all and this is the only way I can see that he'll get over it and manage to not take the law into his own hands.

Does anyone else have experience of the whole timescale thing being mixed up? It turns out that what he said happened yesterday lunch time actually happened several weeks ago, yet it was still fresh and real for him when he was crying over it yesterday afternoon! It's really hard!!!

Thanks again for the support.

H

I can really sympathise with this one, have a son who has aspegers and struggles in this area, I have yet to find a technique that is completely successful in helping him to self regulate. However instead we have learned that to avoid him getting frustrated in the first place, clear concise instructions need to be given and then to back off and space to be given in order for him to carry them through, ie "you have 2 minutes to save your work, then come away from the computer and sit on the carpet".  then to back off, teachers really need to learn that being confrontational doesn't work well.  I have really noticed a difference with teachers that have had specialist training to work with children with special needs and those that have not and the results are evident.  

I agree with 'longman'. This is what Bubble's school have been advised to do. They're yet to do anything about it though.

I also think that your child's teacher needs a lesson in fair play!

Yes, the school was reluctant at first as it disrupted his lesson but they soon realised if they didn't it then disrupted the whole class!

Does the school provide a quiet place and do they allow him to get up and leave the classroom when he feels the need to do it?

I used a stamping feet technique with a child I worked with. We discussed it as a more appropriate response to his anger and was still alowing him to realise frustration but on the floor. Took a bit of practice together but it worked for him (most of the time)until he became old enough to deal with it in other ways.