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How to encourage self control?

Hellsbells

Hi there.

Does anyone, maybe someone with personal experience, have any suggestions as to how to encourage my 10 year old son M, not to lash out when he gets upset?

It's a big ask for him and he's doing very well a lot of the time, but at school, if he gets wound up and finally snaps, then he kicks or throws things. I know this is pretty common for kids with ASD - he has Aspergers - as often the thing he blows up about is just the final straw after a whole lot of other stuff for him.

I had yet another phone call from school today, complaining that he'd kicked his teacher when she'd turned off the computer he was using because he should have been participating in a teaching exercise. I 100% don't want him to do this, but really sympathise with him. He'd had a difficult lunch time with another kid who he doesn't get on with, kicking him. When my son told the teacher (right thing to do!!!) the other kid burst into tears and apparently avoided a telling off. This meant he was upset all afternoon that the other kid had got away with it and that it wasn't fair. When M was asked to come off the computer, he assured me that he'd turned away from it - so in his book he'd done what he'd been asked, even though he hadn't joined the rest of the class on the carpet. "I quite often don't do that" he said - which I know is true. So this final injustice was just a push too far for him. He'd done as he'd been asked and been punished again by losing the unsaved stuff on the computer - and his golden time which was due to start in 20 mins!

My heart bleeds for him, it really does, but yet it's not acceptable for him to kick people - and we spend literally hours trying to impress this on him. He just can't help himself though.

Any ideas anyone???

Parents

  • Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

    I think the stamping is a good idea - as long as that's seen as a sign he's upset as opposed to bad behaviour in itself!

    Yes, he has a quiet place to go to - but doesn't always use it in time, I think. He's good at using it at break or lunch though.

    You're right about the fair play thing. It's particularly important that things are SEEN to be fair in his eyes. I talked to staff today about his need to let him know that x or y has been spoken to and "told off" for bad behaviour, just as he would have been in the same situation. At the moment he's rather fixated on the unfairness of it all and this is the only way I can see that he'll get over it and manage to not take the law into his own hands.

    Does anyone else have experience of the whole timescale thing being mixed up? It turns out that what he said happened yesterday lunch time actually happened several weeks ago, yet it was still fresh and real for him when he was crying over it yesterday afternoon! It's really hard!!!

    Thanks again for the support.

    H

Reply

  • Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

    I think the stamping is a good idea - as long as that's seen as a sign he's upset as opposed to bad behaviour in itself!

    Yes, he has a quiet place to go to - but doesn't always use it in time, I think. He's good at using it at break or lunch though.

    You're right about the fair play thing. It's particularly important that things are SEEN to be fair in his eyes. I talked to staff today about his need to let him know that x or y has been spoken to and "told off" for bad behaviour, just as he would have been in the same situation. At the moment he's rather fixated on the unfairness of it all and this is the only way I can see that he'll get over it and manage to not take the law into his own hands.

    Does anyone else have experience of the whole timescale thing being mixed up? It turns out that what he said happened yesterday lunch time actually happened several weeks ago, yet it was still fresh and real for him when he was crying over it yesterday afternoon! It's really hard!!!

    Thanks again for the support.

    H

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