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Social needs versus education , what do i choose?

bethsmum

Hi. I have a child in yr 6 with aspergers, adhd. She is working just below the level required of her class and has a statement. My problem is the school and ed psychologist wants her to go to a mainstream school as they say she is "bright". (she will still have 1-1 support - to begin with!!) However we do not think she will cope socially at this school. She is currently in a small village school and has never had a friend - prefers adult company. We tried her at a youth club to help social skills but after 2 yrs she does not even know the names of the other kids there. If someone talks to her she does not answer or comes accross as rude because she does not know how to respond. Socially she is very immature and easily lead. What do I do? give her the chance to sit gcse's or give her the chance to leave school being able to communicate and understand people? We are running out of time and do not know what to do for the best. Sorry for rambling but really need help. What would you do?

  • Hi Troscapole, Home ed yes any one can do it. You do not need to follow the national curriculum. The only thing you need to do is de register the child from the school and notify the LEA. They will want at some time to come and see you to discuss how you are meeting his needs. I did this For my child when he was in year 7 for a year. He to has Aspergers extremely intelligent and is now back in education but with a statement and attending a Special School.

    A statement is a document that LEA's provide when a childs need can not be met by the school and that child requires additional outside funding and help not catered for by the usual budget. I got one through Parental request with no support from my kids school.

    Schools miss the point with Aspergers, just because they are academic and learn the tricks of coping in school is does not mean that they do not have other needs. He is porbably suffering with sensory overload and this is causing him to show the behavior that you have described. Try getting your GP to refer him to see a OT who specialises in ASD and Sensory processing issues and to CAHMS.

  • Hi Rio, has she been getting any EOTAS as she has not been attending school? The LEA still have a duty of care for her. Try contacting the Disability Team at your local authority, after all she does have Aspergers, see what they have available. They will try to pass you to a different department as some local authorities do not recognise ASD as a disability.

    Regarding the Physio ect first place of contact is the GP. They need to refer her to Paediatrician, and they can also refer her to OT and Physio. The OT will then be able to assess her Fine motor development and put in a plan of action/exercises and equipment for day to day life. THe Physio will look at her Gross motor. You have to make sure that when you see the GP you do not let them fob you off. Is she getting any help from CAHMS?

  • Hi not sur if im posting this in the right place. Iv got a 12year old boy who was diagnoised with Aspergers a few months back. I'm having lots of issues with him behaviour, tantrums, colour of food, only eating on his own and his poor social skills. He started secondary school last sept and since then he is constantly bullied, as his reaction to thing can be extreme . He has become increasingly rude swearing at everyone and constanty stressed, you can see it on his face. His tantrum are getting worse and and it is effecting the whole family (we have three other children). Reading the threads I wonder that school may have made things worse , he is in mainstream and is not statemented( I don't know what that is exactly ) he comes home from school so stressed, screaming and arguing with the other children. Can any parent home school or are there legal requirement that need to be met, I just not sure if I'm good enough to teach him, as he is doing well academically . Any advice would be gratefully received

  • Hope, i've posted this in the right bit. Just want to say thank you for everyone for replying. I have taken something from all your posts so you really have helped. Not sure yet what decision is going to be but by god I am going to make sure she recieves all the help I can get her.

  • Thank you, as you probably guessed, I am very new to all Internet, but I know I have to persevere to find out all I can to help.

  • Hello Rio

    I think it would be a good idea for you to start a new discussion thread on this. Otherwise if we just leave your comment here, people who are interested and able to comment might not get to see it. Hopefully a new discussion thread with your own discussion subject title would get more response to your situation. You could do that by following the link below:

    http://community.autism.org.uk/node/add/forum/1397

    You might also be interested in the Autism Helpline who can offer you lots of information and advice:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/advice-and-information-services/autism-helpline/how-we-can-help.aspx

    Good luck.

    Sandra - mod

  • My granddaughter has today been diagnosed with aspergers (one day before her 16th birthday) after years of trying to get help for her. She has had a terrible time at school and has not had any help. Too late now to get SEN. Is there any other educational help she might be entitled to - maybe one to one - so as to be able to obtain qualifications to progress to college. She is bright but has learned little at school, for much of the past three years she has been too terrified to go in. Also, can anybody point me in the right direction to get help with things like physio, becoming a little more at ease in social situations, low self esteem, depression. We are at a loss as to where to start so any help will be greatly appreciated.

  • Hello, I don't know the answer to your question... I don't think there are any guarantees and I don't know your daughter so I can't say what is right for her. What I would say is that you could try asking her... she might have an opinion on what she would like to do. You also don't have to fix in one decision while it may have some challenges you could try sending her to one or other option and then see how she gets on and if she or you feel that things are not working for her then you could try something new. Your daughter can learn all through her life it sounds like you have an idea of what might work for her now... I say trust yourself and listen to her.

    I hope this helps. It is a hard thing and too be honest I imagine with either choice there will be many challenges... grewing up is hard and being a parent is hard. I think confidence and being believed are really important gifts for a child - you can offer her those with hard work and openess to being changed by her as she goes through her journey on life, with you.

    Also I wouldn't be too sure that just because she doesn't want to communicate or understand people now that that means she is incapable of doing so, she might not be ready yet. I would trust your judgement and learn as you go cause you are the one who will have to live with your choice not the ed. psychologist, - it might be that trusting your judgement is trusting them ... if you see what i mean!

    I wish you well and I wish your daughter well she sounds great!

  • Hiya, the important thing you need to understand is that putting your daughter into a mainstream school will NOT result in her suddenly developing social skills.

    When I was little I had only one friend out of the entire primary school (wasn't diagnosed until last year as I was seen as 'bright' and 'clever for my age' which they felt meant nothing wrong). And if she is working just below the level required for her class, putting her into a tense, awkward social environment will NOT help her to do better.

    Learning to communicate and understand people doesn't just come from being stuck around people all day. I was suffering with minor depression at the end of primary after my parents divorced then slipped into full depression (which no one noticed because I 'didn't show it 'right'') before a whole term passed at high school. The other kids shunned me, insulted me, bullied me, and only used me to help with their grades.

    The only time I actually got on with people beyond my miniscule social circle (who I've only actually just started considering friends 6 years after I met them) was when they needed help with their homework or stuck me with all the groupwork.

    Sorry if this seems harsh but I really think she'd be better off at her current school. Most mainstream schools don't actually care about anyone defined as special needs, and even though she may have 1-1 assistance, she may get teachers who don't understand, know, or care about her difficulties who may end up making her feel worse about herself and her standard of work. I spent nearly all my school life feeling like some sort of A grade machine, and that all they cared about was my results. Only now in my final year of 6th form am I actually getting emotional support from the SEN unit.

    Katie