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Social needs versus education , what do i choose?

bethsmum

Hi. I have a child in yr 6 with aspergers, adhd. She is working just below the level required of her class and has a statement. My problem is the school and ed psychologist wants her to go to a mainstream school as they say she is "bright". (she will still have 1-1 support - to begin with!!) However we do not think she will cope socially at this school. She is currently in a small village school and has never had a friend - prefers adult company. We tried her at a youth club to help social skills but after 2 yrs she does not even know the names of the other kids there. If someone talks to her she does not answer or comes accross as rude because she does not know how to respond. Socially she is very immature and easily lead. What do I do? give her the chance to sit gcse's or give her the chance to leave school being able to communicate and understand people? We are running out of time and do not know what to do for the best. Sorry for rambling but really need help. What would you do?

Parents

  • Hiya, the important thing you need to understand is that putting your daughter into a mainstream school will NOT result in her suddenly developing social skills.

    When I was little I had only one friend out of the entire primary school (wasn't diagnosed until last year as I was seen as 'bright' and 'clever for my age' which they felt meant nothing wrong). And if she is working just below the level required for her class, putting her into a tense, awkward social environment will NOT help her to do better.

    Learning to communicate and understand people doesn't just come from being stuck around people all day. I was suffering with minor depression at the end of primary after my parents divorced then slipped into full depression (which no one noticed because I 'didn't show it 'right'') before a whole term passed at high school. The other kids shunned me, insulted me, bullied me, and only used me to help with their grades.

    The only time I actually got on with people beyond my miniscule social circle (who I've only actually just started considering friends 6 years after I met them) was when they needed help with their homework or stuck me with all the groupwork.

    Sorry if this seems harsh but I really think she'd be better off at her current school. Most mainstream schools don't actually care about anyone defined as special needs, and even though she may have 1-1 assistance, she may get teachers who don't understand, know, or care about her difficulties who may end up making her feel worse about herself and her standard of work. I spent nearly all my school life feeling like some sort of A grade machine, and that all they cared about was my results. Only now in my final year of 6th form am I actually getting emotional support from the SEN unit.

    Katie

Reply

  • Hiya, the important thing you need to understand is that putting your daughter into a mainstream school will NOT result in her suddenly developing social skills.

    When I was little I had only one friend out of the entire primary school (wasn't diagnosed until last year as I was seen as 'bright' and 'clever for my age' which they felt meant nothing wrong). And if she is working just below the level required for her class, putting her into a tense, awkward social environment will NOT help her to do better.

    Learning to communicate and understand people doesn't just come from being stuck around people all day. I was suffering with minor depression at the end of primary after my parents divorced then slipped into full depression (which no one noticed because I 'didn't show it 'right'') before a whole term passed at high school. The other kids shunned me, insulted me, bullied me, and only used me to help with their grades.

    The only time I actually got on with people beyond my miniscule social circle (who I've only actually just started considering friends 6 years after I met them) was when they needed help with their homework or stuck me with all the groupwork.

    Sorry if this seems harsh but I really think she'd be better off at her current school. Most mainstream schools don't actually care about anyone defined as special needs, and even though she may have 1-1 assistance, she may get teachers who don't understand, know, or care about her difficulties who may end up making her feel worse about herself and her standard of work. I spent nearly all my school life feeling like some sort of A grade machine, and that all they cared about was my results. Only now in my final year of 6th form am I actually getting emotional support from the SEN unit.

    Katie

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