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Struggles in the playground? Any advice please?

MissyKrissy

Hello, I'm new to this site.  My son is six years old and in year 2 at school.  I've always known there's something different about my son, but couldn't put my finger on it until earlier this year, after watching Embarrassing Bodies on tv.  My husband and I did a quick questionaire online about Dyspraxia and it came out that my son probably has got that, but seemed to point also to Aspergers.  I did a lot of reading up online and I am positive he has Aspergers.  He is progessing well with his reading and maths (much higher than average for maths), but unable to write stories (cannot think of ideas) or draw pictures (his pictures are missing detail and are equivalent of around a 3 year old).  He seems to struggle with the imagination and social side of things (including routine changes too).

We are on the list for a Community Paediatrician appointment but I have been told that it's a very long list and could take a long time for an official diagnosis, so I'm doing all I can to help my son now.  

He is happy in the classroom but he is struggling during playtimes (the unstructured parts of the day).  He doesn't like sport so can't join in football, and the other boys play make believe games that he struggles to join in with, and they also won't let him join in.  He comes home most days saying he had been crying during lunchtimes because he wasn't allowed to join in.  Party invites have stopped arriving and I'm becoming increasingly concerned about him as I don't want him to become depressed and not want to go to school.  When we saw the Occupational Therapist (1st appointment for Dyspraxia possibility), she asked him if he had many friends and he said no not really, no one wants to play with me.  I felt completely heartbroken for him.

If anyone knows any advice or tips I can help him with, or any kids clubs in the South West (Bristol and Weston-Super-Mare area), I would be really grateful.

  • Dear MissyKrissy,

    I came across this post today as I searched for similar issues my son is experiencing at school, at parties, on play dates etc. I know it is a post from very long ago, but wondered if you could tell me what you found helped (or hindered) your son and which resources helped you navigate through all the different options and advice?

    I'm feeling very lost with reading too much on Google, too many people giving advice that isn't relevant to the situation and the school teachers not listening and not being aware of my son's anxiety. He was diagnosed 2 years ago with ASD, specifically the Asperger's aspect of it. 

    Hopefully you can shed some light on what helped you when you were going through these issues with your son. 

    Hope to hear back. Thank you. 

    MrsCloud

  • Hi all, I just wanted to say thank-you for your help and suggestions.  I'm the only one in my circle of friends with a child who is having issues so I feel a bit alone with it, so was nice to know that I'm not 

    I'm going to look up all the links now and will get onto the school again.  The problem with my son's school is that there are children in his class that are struggling with the basics, like reading and maths, so they feel that as my son does ok with these, he doesn't need help.  However, I believe that children overall wellbeing is important and socialising is a big part of school life.

    Thanks again everyone. xx

  • Hi MissKrissy

    I have heard so many similar stories - where children are waiting too long for a diagnosis.  Perhaps you could wave the NICE guidelines for recognition, referral and diagnosis of autism in children and young people in front of their noses?  I would also consider writing to the Chief Exec of your local Primary Care Trust pointing out how long the wait for a diagnosis is, stating that this is unacceptable and asking how this fits with the recommendations in the NICE guidelines.  Or make a formal complaint....that usually focuses peoples minds.

    Or you could obtain a private diagnosis (if you can afford to pay for it) - there will be info on the NAS site about how to do that.

    Your child doesnt have to have a diagnosis in order for the school to put plans in place to consider whether he has special educational needs (SEN).  There will be info on the NAS site about how to ask your school to look at what measures need to be in place to support your son and this would include any support he needs in unstructured times at school.  Schools have to look at what the child's difficulties are when a child might have SEN.  Your local Parent Partnership Service (search on the NAS site) should also be able to support you re how to get through the maze of bureaucracy that is associated with getting needs met properly at school.

    I've just written a 2 blogposts on this exact issue, which you may find helpful:

    http://notnigellanotjamie.blogspot.com/2011/10/individual-education-plan-iep-blueprint.html

    about the assessment process and

    http://notnigellanotjamie.blogspot.com/2011/11/iep-time-to-get-your-underpants-on-over.html

    about Individual Education Plans (IEPs)

    Hope that helps

    Zoe

  • Hi MissyKrissy,

    I'm sorry to hear that your son is having these difficulties during his unstructured time.  This is often a time that those on the spectrum find difficult to manage.

    I think your idea of a kids' club is a very good one.  The NAS have a directory of services and you may find something like this, or another service that could provide similar support, near the area you live.

    You can access the directory here:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/directory

    I hope that's helpful.

     

    Alex - mod

  • Hi MissyKrissy,

    Your post has taken me back a few years, It is heartbraking. My son is now nearly 17. He has had a diagnosis of dispraxia since he was 3 as he did have many problems like you are discribing. However it wasnt until he was 14 that his peadritrician said that he thought he also had Aspergers. (I was crying at the time saying I couldnt take it anymore and when I told him some of the stuff that was going on at home with him, he said it was apparant to him that he did have AS) however it then took two years to get the diagnoses confirmed by a clinical psychologist who specialises in ASD.

    The diagnoses has helped a lot and I strongly advice that you push for assesment. However he did go through school without this diagnoses so it is possible to get help with out one.

    Have you met with anyone at the school to discuss your concerns? Things were put in place for my son so that he didnt have to go outside at playtime or an assistant was watching things when he did go out.

    Some people argue that why should he be seperated even more? but for him he could invite someone to stay with him inside and they often did as he copes better in one to one situations and he ended up being more social by being kept in and it was always his choice.

    Hope this helps in some way.

    Sam

    x