I feel like i'm going mad!!!!

Hiya,

I'm not a parent I'm afraid but I am an aspie that got diagnosed recently at 17. All I can say is that from every single resource I've been given or found about my condition is directed at toddlers or little kids, and its hard.

My mums reaction to when we were told I had Aspergers was, 'I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry'. She didn't think I was different either, just weird.

Honestly, from what I can tell there are pro's and con's of being diagnosed early or late.

Early Pro's:

You get the help you need.

Adults don't treat you as much of a nuisance or a freak if you have a diagnosis.

You get taught things you need to know rather than struggle to understand other people.

You get the support you need.

Your parents have all your life to adapt and come to terms with it before you're old enough to realise the serious implications of your diagnosis.

Early Con's:

Many 'normal' people (teachers) will automatically assume you have the worst type of ASD imaginable and may not treat you according to your skill, but according to a textbook on ASD.

Theres the threat of 'self-fulfilling prophecy' (my friend studies psychology) which basically means if you're raised with people telling you you're limited to certain symptoms or behaviour you may never challenge this opinion and end up limited to the symptoms and behaviour.

Late Pros:

You've gotten this far and coped this well alone all these years, so you're less likely to fall into a self fulfilling prophecy e.g. I went to South Africa on holiday even though I am TERRIFIED of change.

You learn to be independant and to enjoy being different (to an extent).

Late Cons:

You're prone to depression and servere anxiety.

You often get labelled as a freak and are bullied as a result, at least if you're diagnosed, many are more sympathetic if you have a diagnosis.

Your family aren't aware of your condition and often label you as a freak/try to treat you 'normally' which can lead to depression and anxiety issues.

I know you said you wouldn't leave him without diagnosis this (his teens) late, but look at it this way, if they say he doesn't have it, one less thing to worry about, if he does, it doesn't mean you have to inform the school until he's older, or you could inform the school but ask that he be treated 'normally' until he asks/needs specialised assistance from school.

Its a real hard choice to make really, even for me if I could have choosen when I got diagnosed. But from listening to my aunts stories about getting my younger cousin diagnosed aged 5 onwards, it took them years to get a diagnosis and the schools weren't willing to budge.

Ultimately its your choice, but rather than looking at it as a label, try seeing it more as a way of seeing how your son thinks.

I was described as a perfectly normal child up until I had to go to reception and was left alone with other people more often, even then it was only when I was 7 that I started showing real signs of being 'different'. I really do wish I'd had a diagnosis when I was little, so does my mum even though she too is really upset about my new 'label'.

I hope you figure this out :) Just remember, they only have an opinion that he might have ASD, he might not even have it and the psycho's just reading too much into things. Good luck!

Hi Vicky,

I dont think you are going mad and if you are going mad then im there with you, I think you are just worried about what is happening with your son. I have four kids My oldest son is 16 and he has AS and dyspraxia and my youngest is hyperactive and very emotionaly immature for an 11 year old. I was refered to CHAMHs with him for his hyperactivity and he is now going through  full assesment and like you I didn't think he had ASD but was also told that everyone is different on the spectrum. I couldnt believe it was all starting again and then I felt guilty coz what if he has been struggling and i didnt see it!!!

Now I dont know what to think and am just waiting to see psychologist. I think its the whole process that I hate the thought off, with your first child you dont know what to expect, you go through all the testing and endless questions that seem totaly irrelevant then you get the diagnosis and then go through that awfull rollercoaster of emotions and the realisation that this is for life and the realisation of how much our children will struggle for the rest of their life and then yes you do see the positive aspects and realise that they are still the same child that you love more than life itself its just that they just have a diagnosis that explains the challenges they face and now the thought of doing it all again and for another child to go through the challenges that ASD brings.  So i completly understand the thoughts you are having  and 3 seems awfully young if you dont see many concerns although in most of the research and advice I have read up on it does say that the earlier diagnoised the better it is for the child.

Dont know if this is the parent reasurance you were hoping for but I will also say that an awfull lot of 3 year olds hate loud noises!!!

all the best

sam

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