Obsession with Gaming and Computers - 9 year old

hi i have aspergers and adhd and so ahs my step son i was addictive to gaming and so is my son whos 16 ,were i got angry he gets suicidal u find when u read up on kids/teens with aspergers /adhd that u carnt allow them to hide and just have one focus as they will struggle in adulthood.say you go out front on bike for hr but he only manages 10 mins before he is realy anxious not just paniking so to spk then at least he learnt to overcom tht one step and u just carry on bit by bit .let him have tech time but time manage it to 2 hrs but when he done somethink gd like school wok help with pets etc as reward u can add time to gaming we do this with so and once he relised we wasent changing our minds he accepted it and now doesnt have a limit as we r able to call him of it without a melt down and he is learning the piorities and hobbies so once chores and school work done rest was free time for him .u have to be to piont but calm and consitant it took us 12 months to get were we r and he is happier and less anxious and able to go out get food etc so even though u say ur kids r happy u still need to teach them life skills etc otherwise u could end p with how my son was wettiing himself cuz he could bring himself away from technology,not drinking ,short temper,would skip meals ,not sleep and we thought he was happy but actualy they not they think they are . but after the first stone of fall outs its worth it honest  

Hi, my.son just 8 is exactly the same complete obsession with skylanders he's been same.for 4 years he either watches u tube videos about them plays the game on PlayStation on plays with figures on floor in room. He comes down for.food and an odd film.n if can drag him.out at weekends. I no longer battle with him, he doesn't like to socialise unless with family who has know all life he doesn't enjoy parties or after school clubs anywhere noiso he's not a 'regualr' kid. His.skylanders is his absalute world and his room his haven with all his lights etc he walks.around 'thinking' in his room about skylanders. If he's happy im happy xx l now find comfort that he has comfort in skylanders as he doesn't find happiness in regular activitites like other children his age. 

Xx stacey 

KathS said:

 I wonder if he meets an autistic child he might have more of a chance of striking up a friendship....?

Probably. Such friendships tend however to be atypically intense and if he has one "special"  friend (at this age, most notably) can cause further peer rejection as well as the suggestion of a homosexual relationship between them (kids this age love to taunt each other w gay jokes). Also there is the potential for the occasional massive argument...but this doesnt tend to be relationship destroying. There is however the benefit of mutual support and a kind of trade in self-understanding.

The above benefits can be maximised and drawbacks reduced by avoiding such bilateral friendships in favour of allowing him to socialise with a group of AS kids. Regional support groups provide the most accessable oppertunities for this.

Thank you all again....yes we have both a dog and cat. He is fond of both but especially fond of his cat, and feeds her each morning (before he goes on his PC). In summer he would bike up and down the street occasionally. I think the issue is also that he's genuinley bored as we dont live near other kids, so the answer quite often is just to go on his PC. He likes swimming and we take him when we can and he is on the list for further lessons....he will occasionally have a child from school over however, things often get confused or misunderstood between him and his friend and often will end up in tears. I wonder if he meets an autistic child he might have more of a chance of striking up a friendship....?

stateofindependence said:

  You don't say what games he is into but maybe the subject matter might provide a way in, eg if he is into fighting games, maybe you could go with him to learn a martial art? He may love the idea of being a real Ninja! Or if he likes driving games, he may enjoy go-karting or rally driving. If he likes games involving quiet focus, maybe he would enjoy fishing, or learning bushcraft skills, metal detecting or map reading. 

This post caught my attention as I have a young relative who is also an only child and addicted to gaming. His parents took a completely hands off approach but offered few alternatives, and he is now a bored angry 20-something with few outside interests. 

I was an only child and an avid gamer and also experienced the above issue in my 20s, but I find now that most of my skills, knowledges, interests and activities developed out of gaming simulations. I do not however associate my difficult 20s with gaming...this period (I believe) is always tough for the AS individual and gaming got me through it.

Can you attempt to engage him socially within the framework of his interest...pick up a pad and ask to play? If you get him games with strong coop multiplayer then he can practice his communication skills whilst enjoying the gaming interest.

Further, he will become old enough for MMO gaming, which quite often is very appealing to AS persons despite being intensly social...but get this: the AS individual is not (so) socially disadvntaged on an MMO there being no non-verbal communication to allow NTs greater access to a persons meaning.

I would disagree with the completely hands-off approach - I think all children (autistic or not) need exercise and some level of social interaction, and to learn practical skills. He obviously doesn't like team activities with peers (and who can blame him!!), but perhaps there are activities that the whole family could do which might inspire new hobbies and interests?  

You don't say what games he is into but maybe the subject matter might provide a way in, eg if he is into fighting games, maybe you could go with him to learn a martial art? He may love the idea of being a real Ninja! Or if he likes driving games, he may enjoy go-karting or rally driving. If he likes games involving quiet focus, maybe he would enjoy fishing, or learning bushcraft skills, metal detecting or map reading. 

Also, does he like animals? Obviously a dog is a big commitment but could you 'borrow' one to see if this might coax him out of his room?

This post caught my attention as I have a young relative who is also an only child and addicted to gaming. His parents took a completely hands off approach but offered few alternatives, and he is now a bored angry 20-something with few outside interests. 

Thanks...I will look now

Hi again Kath.   Chilling out's always a good idea!  I meant to say there are posts on here about time spent on pcs, gaming etc so do a search if you want + have a "mellow" Christmas.

Thank you...if I need to chill out a bit on this subject, then I will, I just worry that I am not doing the right thing by him. Maybe I am over analysing the situation. Its good to read about how others have been in this same position (as a parent and as a child) and their views, so thanks.

Looks like it will be Skylanders for Xmas afterall then.... :-)

crystal12 said:

School can be terribly stressful for our children + he may be suffering a great deal there.  To come home + retreat into a virtual world may well keep him from cracking up. 

This is what kept me going through my childhood. To be able to switch on my PS1 and sink into a world where anthromorphic bandicoots smash boxes to obtain fruit kept my imagination and creative juices flowing and kept me sane

Thank you for your reply. We would never literally force him into anything he didnt want to do, just try suggest other things. Which we do, we just draw a blank. I dont know , I guess I just worry if there are any negative effects of this, as I say, his social skills becoming less and less, perhaps. I dont know...thats my point, I dont know if it's good or bad or neither and just leave him to it. We are surrounded by parents of non autistic children with their views and it's hard to pick out what is 'right' and what isnt, and there is no help in Oxfordshire where we live (to give advice).

Hi, I think many autistic people like being on their pc. I bet he adores his computer .  He'll get a great deal of enjoyment, satisfaction etc out of it.  My son loves his computer + was distraught when his internet connection caused problems.  Therefore I think you need to tread v carefully here.  He is different from you + his dad.  Please don't presume you know what's best for him by relating to him as you would to a neurotypical child.  I don't mean that to sound overly personal, it's just it's so easily done.   I've done it myself sometimes.  Trying to get him to join clubs might be far too stressful with his autism.  What else does he enjoy doing?  I'm not advocating he stays on his computer for hours + hours but you do need to find something that he actually enjoys or you'll have distress + meltdowns daily.  Forcing him will guarantee that.  As for school, please do your post.  School can be terribly stressful for our children + he may be suffering a great deal there.  To come home + retreat into a virtual world may well keep him from cracking up. 

Is it really a problem if this is what he enjoys doing the most? It's all very well and good to say you're worried he might withdraw from 'normality' as you put it, but if he is autistic then 'normality' is probably a horrible place for him. Lord knows it was for me when I was 9 years old. In my experience forcing a child to do something that may not make him happy will generally make him begin to resent being told what to do and start to disrespect authority. You shouldn't force him into social activity if he doesn't feel comfortable doing it