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Should we tell our teen she could be autistic

Late discovered mum

I’m autistic, diagnosed in my late 40s, and think our two teen daughters might also be autistic. They struggle with anxiety, have really struggled starting secondary school, sensory issues, just like to be at home… the signs are obvious to me and they know I am autistic. It seems like a no brainer that I should raise with them that their struggles could be because they too could be autistic.

However, I’m worried that this might make them feel worse about themselves, when they’re already suffering with really low self esteem. They are teenage girls after all, so many go through that anyway, now magnified by social media. 

I would love to hear about your experience of this and specifically any negative outcomes. I can see all the positives. I’m worried about the negatives and whether you have experience of discussing this with your teen having a negative effect. 

  • I was wondering if a gentler less direct way to see if they are interested, is just say you want to have a chat with them about your autism as there is a lot of misinformation at the moment, and you can talk about the traits and things that are difficult for you, positives too, and say if they ever want to chat about autism, you're always open to that. You could even say it's genetic, so if they ever feel they are like you, you can talk about it and support them. Also leaving some materials around that they can look at.

    Then they have that chance for self realisation (without it feeling it's something pushed on them as I'm aware some teenagers don't always react well to that), if they have that information and support from you. Anyway, I hope whatever you decide goes well and brings you closer.

  • As a late diagnosed autistic female, I wish someone had noticed the signs when I was a child. I think it would have helped me understand why I was so different.

    I'm not promising you they will take it really well. Whether it'll help them in the present, I'm not sure. I never experienced that. But in the long run I do think it would help.

    This is obviously my own experiences. You know your own girls.