Should we tell our teen she could be autistic

I’m autistic, diagnosed in my late 40s, and think our two teen daughters might also be autistic. They struggle with anxiety, have really struggled starting secondary school, sensory issues, just like to be at home… the signs are obvious to me and they know I am autistic. It seems like a no brainer that I should raise with them that their struggles could be because they too could be autistic.

However, I’m worried that this might make them feel worse about themselves, when they’re already suffering with really low self esteem. They are teenage girls after all, so many go through that anyway, now magnified by social media. 

I would love to hear about your experience of this and specifically any negative outcomes. I can see all the positives. I’m worried about the negatives and whether you have experience of discussing this with your teen having a negative effect. 

Parents
  • Hi and welcome to the community. 

    You might find the advice and insights here helpful, including the insights from other autistic people and family members. It includes a section for parents talking to their children which explains that:

    "Autistic people and family members suggest that it is best to start discussing autism with children as early as possible. This is because they recognised that autistic children:

    • tend to notice their differences (from other children) early
    • might not communicate their awareness of these differences
    • are less likely to experience shame for their differences, challenges or support needs if they are given a positive perception of autism and the tools/opportunity to learn about themselves and their needs
    • need to know that there are other people like them in the world." 

    NAS - How to bring up that you think someone may be autistic

    There's also a host of resources for autistic teenagers here:

    NAS - Resources for autistic teenagers > Know Yourself series

    Information about seeking a diagnosis is available here:

    NAS - Diagnosis

Reply
  • Hi and welcome to the community. 

    You might find the advice and insights here helpful, including the insights from other autistic people and family members. It includes a section for parents talking to their children which explains that:

    "Autistic people and family members suggest that it is best to start discussing autism with children as early as possible. This is because they recognised that autistic children:

    • tend to notice their differences (from other children) early
    • might not communicate their awareness of these differences
    • are less likely to experience shame for their differences, challenges or support needs if they are given a positive perception of autism and the tools/opportunity to learn about themselves and their needs
    • need to know that there are other people like them in the world." 

    NAS - How to bring up that you think someone may be autistic

    There's also a host of resources for autistic teenagers here:

    NAS - Resources for autistic teenagers > Know Yourself series

    Information about seeking a diagnosis is available here:

    NAS - Diagnosis

Children
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