Please help

It is good to have as many options as you can think of, you can then choose the least worst option.

As a sufferer I'm aware of my tendency to black and white thinking, catastrophising etc. I have to sometimes work on my compromising and negotiation skills. Don't end up alienating yourself when you have actually achieved a lot by getting him into a much better school.

Thank-you for your comment Socks. Its certainly an idea - in my case however the taxi passes the childminder to access my road one street away so wouldn't incur any additional cost. I have to take this further now as many will be in the same situation and its unfair that parents with children with additional needs are forced out of work and the child's routine disrupted. In my search for change I've come across some very useful contacts that I will post for anyone who identifies a need for change to encourage greater equality. 

Have you thought of offering to pay the, presumably small, additional taxi fare to take him from your house to childminders? The taxi firm may be ok with this and it may be a small price to keep your sanity, your job etc.

Sorry forgot to add son totally capable of walking one street to childminder and happy to do so but taxi refused saying have to drop with responsible adult. I understand this as its all red tape these days but makes situation quite impossible. x

Hi struggling mum. Have you spoken to our education rights team?

www.autism.org.uk/advocacy

Thank you for your replies and insights always appreciated. Thank-you Yorkshirelass, I feel your pain with the length of time diagnosis takes and the implications of this. I hope its resolved for you soon.

Thank-you socks, it has been a real rollercoaster thats still going but nothing can be as bad as that time but thankful we seem through that now. You haven't offended me its very difficult with email and text to express meaning but I value all comments and the time taken to respond. Your point on a calm and reasonable approach is a very good one - unfortuately I have already tried that by explaining calmly the impact this policy has and requesting reconsideration. Its only because they refuse to listen and the impact it has on my son and I and other families in this position that I feel I must take it further. 

Thank-you also Outraged and Dor for your good suggestions. Unfortunatley because the childminder has other children she can't uproot them to my address to meet my son. I also don't know anyone local that could step in. 

Good news, despite it being the weekend I have already had a tweet from my local MP inviting me for a meeting to discuss and the local councilor for further information. I have email the whole story to both and others. 

My son starts on Wednesday and I can't bring myself to tell him he can't use the childminder atm nor do I know what to do about work. I am considering very limited options but I will limit the impact on him as much as I can. I will get this policy of not allowing use of a childminder changed. Putting me out of work and onto benefits against my will is a complete waste of taxpayers money, would completely destroy everything my son knows (his home etc) and his routine and I will not allow this to happen so I will fight until my son can continue with what he knows and I can continue to support us. Wish me luck :-)

If he is 11, then maybe would he be big enough to walk from your house when dropped off to the Childminder's house if you practiced it together?   You could have an arrangement that she would phone when he arrived ?

Does the childminder know anyone (maybe a slightly older teen) who would like a small job of meeting the transport at your house after school and  walking him over to the childminder the 3 days a week ?!  Maybe the childminder wouldn't mind walking over herself - does she do a school run and could this be incorporated into it?

Maybe you could talk to your childminder?

I hope this all works out for you ...

can the childminder mind the child at your home address? 

Dear struggling mum,

You are going through some desperate times, i read your post on self harm and i am really pleased that the system is coming through for you with positive results. It sounds as though the new school and everything are really helping your son. That must have been a terrible time to get through as i have seen too many suicides in my years.

i'm sorry if anything in my posts seems confrontational or contrary. I don't mean to wind anyone up but sometimes i manage to say something without working out all the ways that my contribution could be interpreted and sometimes i don't work out what the full situation is behind the other person's questions.

Desparate times can sometimes bring us to desparate behaviour. It sounds from your posts that you are having to fight with the council and everyone to make the right things happen for your son. The trouble with fighting is that it sometimes less effective than being calm and unreasonably reasonable. From your later post, where you explained more of the situation and how it came about, i was much more convinced that the council should bend to accomodate your needs. Do you think that you could try that approach with them rather than raising more complaints and writing to your mp etc? Can you put yourself in their shoes and imagine how the two approaches come across? If necessary, an appearance at the council office, where you try to really get your point across, could work much more effectively than a phone call or an email?

I'd also like to add previous placements in mainstream have been very unsuccessful so he definately needs the extra support of a communciation disorder unit provides. x

Hi thank you all genuinely all for taking the time to read my post and giving your insights. I fear I may not of been clear in the first post. Forgive me I was pretty emotional at the time of writing. Basically the whole transport thing came about from the council. After the diagnosis they were the ones to recommend his previous school and the one his starting next week. They made the recommendation based on the fact this school has an communication disorder unit within it thus could meet my sons needs. They never mentioned at the time that transport excluded use of a childminder. The recommendation of his previous school was spot on and did him a lot of good as I hope the recommended placement his starting next week will be. Problem is because of this issue that they won't drop him at the childminders 3 days which is one road away it could force me out of work which could mean I would lose our home. The pick up and drop of times make it impossible for me to continue my job. It doesn't incur any extra cost to them as they pass the road the childminder is on to bring him home. They would rather I went on benefits housing benefit, council tax etc than drop him at his childminders which is wasting taxpayers money. Aside from that my son has an amazing relationship with the childminder and shes been part of his routine for many years. It would be awful for him not to continue. 

Thank you Crystal for saying they should be the ones to hang their heads in shame as now that is what I intend on making happen. I phoned again today and told because I made a complaint to head of service i have to wait five working days for an acknowledgment then who knows how long for a reply. Thats too late he starts wednesday. So much preparation has gone into this transition for my son which should be a positive time but the council's action have left me with a lot of uncertainty that I need to resolve before it impacts my son. After a very emotional couple of days I've finally stopped crying (so glad my son's with his dad atm), had to go to the doctors and be put on antidepressants because this has been the last straw for me I am ready to resume the fight. I have sent formal complaints to everyone I can think of in the council and I have got myself on twitter :-) This has meant I have been able to make everyone from the minister of education to the local MPs to David Cameron himself aware of the impact of this policy. I am making this problem as public as possible to try and encourage change. It won't come in time for my son next week but I will find a way of limiting the impact on him but I will fight this point until it changes for others. My son needs consistency and thats what I'm fighting for so please if anyone can pass this on please do. I will let you know of my progress x

Hope said:

The Council are in the wrong and should be challenged.

according to what rules? 

Cash should not come into it.

It shouldn't, in an ideal world, but often budgets in local councils are under severe stress. Councils are also staffed by people who struggle with discretion and not being black and white about rules. Does that sound familiar perhaps?

Moving house should not be taken lightly, and I imagine such a move could be incredibly traumatic for this child.

Agreed, but there is a potential benefit in reducing travel time and costs. The boy may also be able to move to an area where more of his school friends live. There are potential up-sides to every change, or decision, as well as potential down-sides.

The Council are in the wrong and should be challenged. Cash should not come into it.

Moving house should not be taken lightly, and I imagine such a move could be incredibly traumatic for this child.

I presume that you are claiming all possible benefits for you and son? Is he eligible for any DLA or other benefits?

You have made a reasonable request of the council but they are not obliged to agree to all reasonable requests as they simply don't have the cash. You have chosen, very sensibly, to move your child to a better school but from the council's point of view they have no obligation to support this choice.

Have you considered moving into the catchment area? It might help in various ways in the long term.

Hi - have you taken legal advice + also have you checked out this site + the ipsea site for info?  Apologies if you've already gone down those routes.  I do feel for you, they certainly know how to pile on the agony sometimes.  You're doing your very best but it's such an uphill struggle which shdn't be the case. And yes, some people or organisations can force us to feel undignified, but let me tell you, it's they who should hang their heads in shame + you who shd continue to stand tall.  Do not let them grind you down - you + your son deserve much better.   What about accusing them of breaking the disability discrimination act + probably a whole host of other acts that I haven't thought of, altho the human rights act (you + him) does spring to mind.  I hope someone comes along soon who can tell you how to resolve this unnecessary problem.