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Asked to leave a restaurant

Bobbysmom

We were asked to leave a restuarant after Bobby (who is 4 and autistic) was having a meltdown after the starters were served. By that I mean crying loudly. A server told us that customers were complaining and they wanted us to leave. I said he would calm down and we would not leave. Then a female server came up and we were asked if we prefer to have our main course takeaway. I said no that he is autistic and would calm down. She shrugged her shoulders. Bobby was very upset and with the unfriendly environment we decided to talk to the staff. We went downstairs and found that the customers were 4 people (small resturant but but no means full). We told the manager that this was discrimination. Told the customers that there are a lot of autistic children and that needed to be more understanding. We were asked by the managers not to speak to the customers. We just left. I am so angry right now. Are they allowed to do this??

  • in reply to roshiyal

    He should be, he's about 12-13 by now.
    TBH I think what happened is sus. I have worked in a restaurant and the first solution is (or at least was when I worked that job) to offer crayons and colouring books and to move a family with a distressed child to a quieter corner, preferably slightly around a physical wall to help block some of the noise. And that's just distressed kids, autism or not.
    I'm autistic myself with great audio sensitivity but if we had a screaming kid on my shift I'd offer the first proposed solution of calming measures then hand the party of people off to a collegue while I went and took my break. Rarely if ever did we ask anyone to leave unless they got abusive and/or physically violent, adisruptive behaviour would have had to be ongoing for quite a while to warrant the manager stepping in and asking people to leave. Kids just crying over whatever usually never made it to the list, some parents with young babies would conclude it was colic or the likes and leave of their own accord, but that was really it in the whole 2 years I worked there. And I worked that job coincidentally around the time the OP made the thread here.

  • I am truly sorry to hear about your experience; that must have been incredibly frustrating and disheartening. It's disappointing when a lack of understanding leads to such situations. I hope Bobby is feeling better now.

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I agree with mumof4boys, I was shouted at in a supermarket, by a mum, once because I (pre-dx aspie) stared too long at her disabled daughter. Sometimes things happen that genuinely upset other people and the best thing to do is apologise. If you go back to the restaurant and ask to speak to the manager and then apologise. This might seem really hard and wrong to you but it can be a good tactic if you want to get someone on your side. In a sense, you have a choice about escalating an argument or making the really difficult first step to climb down from a position and trying to make friends with them.

    Can you imagine how this felt for the other customers or the staff, putting yourself in their shoes and then imagining how they would feel if you go back and apologise.

    I don't think this is about discrimination, it's about how people react when bad things happen.

  • Im suprised weve not been thrown out of supermarkets before today lol

  • Agreed, grey zone. I'm very badly affected by kids screaming in proximity, especially this fad for very high pitched screaming, if I cannot readily distance myself, such as on public transport or in a restaurant.

    But the restaurant hasn't behaved very well. Write to them and ask to see a copy of their disability access policy (it might not cover autism, but it might make them think).

    The other suggestion I have is don't go there again. That's easier said than done if you are in a rural area or small town, where you might well be quite inconvenienced by avoiding using the place again. But sometimes the inconvenience is worth it for the statement.

    Also without misrepresentation, you could just pass the word around that they don't like children.

  • Its a grey zone. It depends if they would have asked you to leaver if your child was an NT and crying. That said, ive been vexed by screaming babies and toddlers in all manner of public venues without anyone asking them to leave...