Autistic wife really struggling with mental health

It might be worth asking your wife's GP Practice about access to Social Prescribing available in your area.

https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/social-prescribing/

Things which may help are not always medical / medicinal / formal psychotherapy - so in the meantime while on waiting lists for other services; it can be helpful to explore means of support and connection based on interests in common or acquiring new skills.

Perhaps you could find out if there is a Recovery College in your area or explore some of the courses via the online version: https://www.recoverycollegeonline.co.uk/

Try to do some less demanding things outdoors like visit a park or have a picnic.

Your wife may need to hear her own thoughts and recharge her own energy by regularly having scheduled into each week; some total solo time.

Maybe it would help your wife to consider joining the community here in her own right.  Perhaps start by just viewing the activity of historical and current posts and replies to see if it might suit her - rather than any pressure to setup an account and participate - until she feels ready.

I lot of us here share her disappointment and frustration with how CBT / therapy may be conducted around Autistic people.

There is a book many of us wish we had read before therapy:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Autistic-Survival-Guide-Therapy/dp/1839977310

Also, the National Autistic Society produced a good guide for therapists which might help open the conversation about appropriate reasonable adjustments:

https://www.autism.org.uk/shop/products/books-and-resources/good-practice-guide

Being honest, there isn't really much you can do. I'm 44 with aspergers, I work, always have, have a decent job and have hobbies.  I have been suffering really bad with PTSD and anxiety since November was signed off work for 4 month am back on reduced hours and still no better.  

Your wife is an adult and has to find coping mechanisms, work out what her triggers are and try to either avoid them or have plans to deal with them.  But ultimately poor mental health is an illness itself. 

Take tasks off her, go for days out, find hobbies she can do alone , find hobbies you can do together.  

Some things I do that helps:

Except its normal and allow myself to sulk be moany,  lounge about for a set time

Except I worry 

Avoid triggers such as morons who annoy me

Play some sport to get away from things 

Equine therapy, no need to pay or do "therapy" we are lucky as we have our own horses but you can access this by volunteering at a sanctuary aswell , see if you can visit any friends friend of friends horses.  Just spend generally unstructured time around them or have a weekly riding lesson at a local school (a hobby) 

If you dont have one consider getting a family dog

Animals dont care whats up with you they just like to spend time with you.

Listen to music 

Eat what makes you happy not what you "should" 

Can of redbull a day helps me massively around midday 

Some of this is not what is prescribed the main point is your wife does whatever works for her to de-stess 

PTSD and anxiety is **** and it makes you feel **** but we are here and its part of life and there are people worse off than us. 

One if my members of staff was struggling with MH from ADHD seen everyone was on the verge of quitting work, I was honest with her as above, she went away thought about it and is doing much better in work.  Neuodivrosty likes honesty its the best policy 

Hi and welcome to the community.

I'm really sorry to hear of your wife's struggles. I appreciate what you said, but would suggest contacting her GP again, but perhaps asking to speak with a different doctor this time?

Not_my_real_name said:

Does anyone have any strategies that may help, or advise of free services that don't mean a huge waiting list? I really think she needs councilling.

Depending on where you are in the UK, she could also be able to self refer for Talking Therapy (services include counselling):

NHS - Talking Therapies

Alongside that, you might find these NAS resources helpful, including the strategies suggested in the first one:

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

NAS - Meltdowns

There's also some great (free) advice here from Dr Megan Neff - a neurodivergent author (who's also a clinician and advocate):

Autistic Burnout Recovery: How to Build a Recovery Plan

I've also just bought this new book of hers. It covers the subject in much greater detail, whilst remaining very user-friendly (including lots of diagrams and worksheets, for example):

The Autistic Burnout Workbook: Your Guide to Your Personal Recovery Plan

Thank you for your comments. It definitely feels like burnout. I will take another look at the guidance sections and see if anything fits

Dear Not_my_real_name

I am really sorry to hear about the issues you wife is experiencing. May I signpost you towards our advice and guidance pages to see if there is anything that may help you. 

We have a section dedicated to mental health and wellbeing. Please find the link here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health-and-wellbeing

A section here on strategies, support and interventions

www.autism.org.uk/.../support-strategies-and-interventions

Some interesting sections here on identity:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/identity

If you would like to explore the advice to look for more sections please select the link at the top of the page. 

I hope you find something to help, 

Best wishes, 

Anna Mod

Sounds like autistic burnout, which is a  result of long term stress and overload.

Communication may be reducing, autistic traits may well be more obvious. Thinking may be becoming more confused or dysfunctional, e.g more black and white, harder to reason with, new things just rejected (it does in my case) external appearance may look ok though.

If so, she may need reduced workload, increased alone time, rest, less stress and to pursue her own special interests. (Note, this is not medical advice, it is what is recommended in the book at he bottom.)

In my case when this state it can be confusing and distressing. I entirely recognise the problem of feeling trapped.

There is info about this online including on NAS site.

I liked "The ultimate guide to autistic burnout" online book (not free) available from the embrace-autism.com website.

The site also has a free test for burnout.