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Autistic wife really struggling with mental health

Not_my_real_name

Hi,

I am reaching out as I am lost. My wife is autistic and really struggles with sensory issues. It seems to be getting worse and she constantly tells.me she is trapped. We cannot really move house, as she cannot hold down a job anymore. She is also home educating my 8yr old autistic son. She just burns out at any "little" thing, and it spirals her whole day. She just needs to sleep to escape. It is really difficult and is affecting everyone. She has accessed CBT before and won't consider any more as she deems it a waste of time and not suited to autistic minds. We cannot afford private councilling and she has been to the gp in the past and doesn't feel like she gets anywhere, so won't try again. I am truly lost of how to help, but it is gut wrenching at times, as she cannot find any joy. Does anyone have any strategies that may help, or advise of free services that don't mean a huge waiting list? I really think she needs councilling.

Thanks

Parents

  • Sounds like autistic burnout, which is a  result of long term stress and overload.

    Communication may be reducing, autistic traits may well be more obvious. Thinking may be becoming more confused or dysfunctional, e.g more black and white, harder to reason with, new things just rejected (it does in my case) external appearance may look ok though.

    If so, she may need reduced workload, increased alone time, rest, less stress and to pursue her own special interests. (Note, this is not medical advice, it is what is recommended in the book at he bottom.)

    In my case when this state it can be confusing and distressing. I entirely recognise the problem of feeling trapped.

    There is info about this online including on NAS site.

    I liked "The ultimate guide to autistic burnout" online book (not free) available from the embrace-autism.com website.

    The site also has a free test for burnout.

Reply

  • Sounds like autistic burnout, which is a  result of long term stress and overload.

    Communication may be reducing, autistic traits may well be more obvious. Thinking may be becoming more confused or dysfunctional, e.g more black and white, harder to reason with, new things just rejected (it does in my case) external appearance may look ok though.

    If so, she may need reduced workload, increased alone time, rest, less stress and to pursue her own special interests. (Note, this is not medical advice, it is what is recommended in the book at he bottom.)

    In my case when this state it can be confusing and distressing. I entirely recognise the problem of feeling trapped.

    There is info about this online including on NAS site.

    I liked "The ultimate guide to autistic burnout" online book (not free) available from the embrace-autism.com website.

    The site also has a free test for burnout.

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333

    Being honest, there isn't really much you can do. I'm 44 with aspergers, I work, always have, have a decent job and have hobbies.  I have been suffering really bad with PTSD and anxiety since November was signed off work for 4 month am back on reduced hours and still no better.  

    Your wife is an adult and has to find coping mechanisms, work out what her triggers are and try to either avoid them or have plans to deal with them.  But ultimately poor mental health is an illness itself. 

    Take tasks off her, go for days out, find hobbies she can do alone , find hobbies you can do together.  

    Some things I do that helps:

    Except its normal and allow myself to sulk be moany,  lounge about for a set time

    Except I worry 

    Avoid triggers such as morons who annoy me

    Play some sport to get away from things 

    Equine therapy, no need to pay or do "therapy" we are lucky as we have our own horses but you can access this by volunteering at a sanctuary aswell , see if you can visit any friends friend of friends horses.  Just spend generally unstructured time around them or have a weekly riding lesson at a local school (a hobby) 

    If you dont have one consider getting a family dog

    Animals dont care whats up with you they just like to spend time with you.

    Listen to music 

    Eat what makes you happy not what you "should" 

    Can of redbull a day helps me massively around midday 

    Some of this is not what is prescribed the main point is your wife does whatever works for her to de-stess 

    PTSD and anxiety is **** and it makes you feel **** but we are here and its part of life and there are people worse off than us. 

    One if my members of staff was struggling with MH from ADHD seen everyone was on the verge of quitting work, I was honest with her as above, she went away thought about it and is doing much better in work.  Neuodivrosty likes honesty its the best policy