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Sibling behaviour

Navigating the pathway

Hi all! I have a 10 Yr old on the pathway to ASD diagnosis and a 5 Yr old. There has been a recent shift in my youngest child's behaviour, with big disregualtions similar to that displayed by her brother and the last 2 days school refusal.

Bit of background when my son was younger I suspected ASD but was dismissed as him just "having a temper"  due to this there was a delay in accessing support for him. Therefore I have been very conscious of my daughters behaviour and identifying signs early so that we can start to recieve support as soon as possible. I have spoken with her teacher who herself has girls with ASD and she says that my daughter isnt displaying any signs or showing the behaviours we are seeing at home, she is also thriving at ballet and again not displayingany behaviours. I am now torn between ti's meaning the behaviour is just at home as learned behaviour and she knows the behavioural expectations of different environments or she is masking.

Does anyone else have experience of this and if so did you seek support or put it down to learned behaviour? 

Thank you in advance

  • in reply to Rosie Mod

    Thank you very much for the advice. I will look into this, all very new to me.

  • Dear Navigating the Pathway,

    Thank you for posting to the Online Community. I am sorry to hear that you have been dismissed when trying to access support for your children. 

    You may find the following useful: 

    I hope this is helpful.

    Kind Regards,

    Rosie Mod

  • in reply to Navigating the pathway

    I'm sorry you're having all this to deal with. It's really hard when kids start to tell us what's going on and then track back. It's often fear of the consequences or retaliation should any problems be addressed. Being treated differently might be worse etc and better the devil we know.

    I really hope the teacher can tell you something useful and you reach a solution.

  • Thank you for your response, yes until about 18 months ago my son was 'cokebottling' but them started to display at school which was when they started to take my concerns seriously he was 8 by this time. This is why I'm very conscious of this behaviour in my youngest, so that I will not be dismissed again due to masking, if that is what this is.

    I have asked about her school experiance but she says something and then takes it back so I have emailed the teacher to ask if she knows of anything, as this is quite out of the blue and we have had no previous issues even with going into school, I am trying to be aware of keeping an open mind as it is the first time but also being very conscious as this was the first sign with son.

  • My partner's boys (9&12) have dislayed this kind of behaviour in the past, with the youngest one 'coke bottling' when he gets home after having to mask all day and hold everything in to avoid being bullied etc.

    It's often a result of waiting all day to get back into a safe space to let off steam. It's hard to witness and to manage. It turned out that both her kids were getting hassle from other kids, plus inconsistent teaching methods, changing rules etc, and that was causing the extreme behaviour at home. School refusals and PDA are things that happen on occasion. The way we've managed to work out what it was is that meltdowns tend not to happen at school unless in extreme circumstances and environments. If they wait until they get home to explode then the problem isn't at home and it isnt something that you're doing wrong.

    It might be worth trying to find out what is happening at school and how things are with friends, lessons, teachers etc. This is just what I've learned from my own experience. Each autistic kid is different so an open minded approach is always best. 

  • Thank you for your response.

    I will look into seeking a professional opinion, as I mentioned, with the diagnosis process being so long I'd like to get the ball rolling as soon as possible, if necessary.

  • We cannot give medical opinion here, so anything we say will be strictly our own opinions - or anecdotal.   However, it seems to me that ASD can manifest itself totally differently in boys than in girls, so I am not sure that your 5 year old's behaviour at home can be put down entirely to learned behaviours.  

    It has long been said that children do not necessarily behave the same ways at home as they do at school - this isn't new thinking.  

    Again, my own opinion, but I do feel it is fine for the teacher to speak of their own experiences - but it shouldn't mean that what happens in their world is necessarily the same in yours.   I certainly think you should be able to seek a professional opinion here - from your GP or CAMHS if your GP will refer you.