New - Advice needed re 19yr old son, please

Is there anyone out there to help my son and family. 

For a long time my son has struggled terribly in social situations, hence leaving school 6 months before his due time. He has now turned 18 and hardly ever leaves his room. We've been through counselling and all sorts of therapy to no avail. 

I have now got an app at the doctors tomorrow with my son to ask for a referral for a diagnosis of Autism/Aspergers. 

For years it's been a strain on everyone, more so on him because no one has picked up on his condition Or understood him. The last year or so has become unbearable at times. I cannot talk to him without him jumping down my throat. 

when he does communicate normally, it's only about the one subject that's of interest to him and boy he can talk then! 

On previous occasions when we have gone out for meals, he has got very stressed and irritable when there are lots of people around. He won't even eat and can't wait to get home. 

Are there any parents out there who can relate to me? 

I hope I'm doing the right thing in wanting my son to have an assessment. 

Im positive he has the traits of Autism/Aspergers. 

Know one knows my son like I do and just want the very best for him. 

Hi everyone

omg I certainly know where you are coming from, my son is 23 this year and we live in Kent , we moved here 2 years ago . Since hes gone to college hes got alot worse the verbal abuse I get is so unreal I just have to let it go over my head otherwise I think I would of had a break down. I knew from an early stage that there was something wrong with him but sadly has not been diagnosed which I think would help me to get what I need for him. Its not just that he has a girlfriend but doesn't really know how to handle a relationship which is very concerning . If i say anything he blasts me saying you always put me down etc etc, we know he can not do everyday things but even if we correct him he still has a go at me and gives this evil glare.

Dear Becky67,

Have you looked at any mentoring/befriending services in your area? On the Autism Services Directory, www.autism.org.uk/directory you can search for befriending/ mentoring services, amongst lots of other things, by area.

There are some in Manchester, Rochdale, Stockport, Trafford and Wigan - hopefully one of those is near you. I have pasted a link below that should take you directly to these but just bear in mind that this website can be quite slow at times unfortunately.

http://www.autism.org.uk/directory/browse/cid=37~aid=256.aspx 

Hope this helps,

Adél, NAS moderator

Hiya,

My son is 18 and is exactly the same, it's not all the time but as soon as I say something he doesn't like thats it. 

He was diagnosed at 13 but I knew something was wrong from about 2! I have learnt to ignore him and going into another room with my dogs. I still hear him chuntering on to himself but I can't hear the words which helps!

He says I don't do anything for him and his girlfriends mum is wonderful, she doesn't think he has anything wrong, like I would have gone through 16 years of hell for nothing! 

The only way I cope is by remembering the good things and although they don't come very much they do happen sometimes 

Do you know of any ways to contact or meet other teens/young adults with Aspergers apart from facebook groups?

My son's 16 & has just left school.  When I asked him if there's anyone he'll miss he replied "the teachers - because I can have an intelligent conversation with them."  He says he's got nothing in common with people of his generation - bit of a sweeping statement, but I think he's just not met anyone else with Aspergers who likes doing their own thing instead of following the crowd.

He loves films, esp. Star Wars & Bond, Big Bang Theory, Lego, collecting watches, XBox.  We live in Lancashire but I can't find any local groups on the NAS website.  His social life revolves around me and I'd like him to see he can enjoy the company of some people his own age!

Can any one suggest how to cope with hurtful comments? My son is 19, diagnosed at 18. He make hurtful comments and even if i tell him his comment has upset me he says he doesnt care! 

I am struggling to carry on caring for him when he is so unpleasant and ungrateful. He can get very angry, to the point where he scares me.

Can anyone suggest coping mechanisms so i dont get upset by his lack of caring And aggression. 

My son is 19 and was diagnosed at 18. He dropped out of college and has withdrawn from life as we understand it. He spends all his time in his room, on his computer. He has no friends and rarely leaves the house.

He was refered to a Clinical Psychologist and sees her regularly. What i have learnt is that 'normal' life is very scarey for him and withdrawing his his way of coping. Pushing him about what he is going to do with his future doesnt work, he just withdraws further or gets angry. The consultant thinks it will take 12 months before he is even ready to think about further education or a job. Perhaps your son would benefit from this sort of support. In my area it is available on the NHS via GP. It might be worth a try.

There is support available from 18 to 25 from the  youth support service, so try not to worry too much. Give him time to find his way. 

Hope this helps

Sylvie said:

no-one can make him do anything...

My 13 yr old thinks along those lines and always has done.  I did think was partly to do with her ASD or maybe I just have stubborn children because her elder brother used to think along those lines too.  Thankfully, he did leave home and it has been the making of him.

I think IntenseWorld is right, maybe an ultimation is the only answer.  Does he have any outside support that could help?  Perhaps Connexions may be able to help?

He has been volunteering at the local country park, but it's a bit irregular  (depends on the weather and how much work there is to do) so I have to take him and pick him up at varying times, which gives him the impression work is something adults can do ifand when they feel like it (I wish!!).     My problem is that he thinks he can spend the rest of his life living at home, being supported by his parents and not having to do anything he doesn't want to, because he is now over 18 and no-one can make him do anything...

Sometimes, with support, you need to try some tough love and give ultimatums, with one or two options.

I have visions of a similar thing happening to my daughter one day.

I can understand there is only so much education you can cope with and may need a break (I seem to keep going back for more!) and I can also see how stressful the thought of a full time job would be to someone on the spectrum.  

Would he consider volunteering to do something?  Or would it be possible for him to consider a part time job with someone that already knows him?