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Feeling Unwelcome and Lost

Jellybean

Hey, I’m new to the site and wondered if someone could help please?

So my son is autistic and has just turned 6 and he mimics things (films, tv shows and especially animals). A few times now when we’ve gone round to my Dads my son likes to mimic the cats so will play with the toys and try to climb the cat tree… unfortunately some things have accidentally ended up broken which I’ve apologised for and offered to fix or replace. On Christmas Day we went there for Christmas dinner and my son noticed there was a hammock on the bottom of the cat tree so went to lay his head on it but he got stuck and ended up pulling it down… I apologised and so did my son. I said to my Dad that I can take it to work and fix it as I’ve got the same rope at work but he said they don’t use it anyway so it’s fine and the subject was dropped.

My older sister went round theirs yesterday for Boxing Day dinner and I dropped my Nan off, when we arrived outside my Nan got my daughter to phone him so someone can come help my Nan with the bags… when he got off the phone my sister said he got annoyed as he thought we were coming round un-announced and then my step mum and other sister were apparently ranting and raving over it as well… of course when my Nan walked in he asked her where me and the children were and she said that we only dropped her off to which then my step mum and sister shut their mouths. Later on in the day my step mum started b***ching about how my son broke the cat tree again to which my Nan jumped in and said no that’s just horrible…

Just to add they live in a flat and children are only allowed to stay in the living room unless they need the toilet

I want to talk to my Dad about it but I don’t want to cause any upset and don’t know how to word it to him as I love my Dad and don’t want to upset him or stop seeing him but to put it bluntly I don‘t want to go round there anymore Disappointed

  • My mother's step mother was strict with us when children like this. As I grew up I recognised she was a very sad and lonely person. 

    However, perhaps a good time to invite your dad round so the 3 of you can make a NEW cat tree together. This solves a few problems which you can control, facilitates bonding, and allows your son to fix something he broke, which is good for the psyche, might help boost his confidence and teach him that most things in life are mendable. 

  • Hello Jellybean,

    Give it some time.

    Giving your dad zero points is perhaps not fair, if you reflect a while upon things?  I am encouraged to reflect on such matters myself.  Perhaps this is what makes us truly autistic in our thinking (if that is what you are suggesting, perhaps, above?)

    Stick around and see what sticks......it worked for me here, although that was some considerable time ago now....and most predicaments seemed different to me.

    I wish you well, and in any event....I am sorry if I am of no use to your actual predicament with my words above.

  • It’s a shame you have to experience this. I’m very sorry and hope you’ll figure it out. I think it’d be best to be direct and just tell him something along the lines of “I don’t know how I can continue to visit while feeling very unwelcome for the following reasons: (…) I love you nonetheless so maybe we could meet up and figure this out together.”

    I don’t know if that’s helpful at all, since I don’t know enough about the situation. In the end, you know your father and possible reactions to this best. Sorry for not being able to give more sufficient advice. I wish you all the best!

  • I’m sorry about that. It is a difficult situation and it is clearly very upsetting for you. You have explained things well and I’m wondering if it could help to show what you have written here to your Dad? Whatever you do, I hope things improve soon.