• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 1548 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Not coping very well at all

lukes mummy

My son was diagnosed at three , I just wondered if anyone else felt like I do . normally everything is fine and I cope really well but well it's probably a lot to do with it , I've just lost my mum a few weeks ago and I'm just struggling so much with him. It's Easter hols and as usual if things don't go his way he tells me he hates me and can get quite aggressive. He doesn't want to do anything , bath or shower and he has now twigged on to the melatonin in his drink at night so he says he's not thirsty and I'm sat on his bed until half ten at night sometimes longer. He's nearly seven and I just feel exhausted , my husband works full time for himself and long hours so he helps when he can. I just feel that this is my life forever and it feels so hard and tiring and to be honest I feel like I want to run away. I won't but is this normal? I'm on anti depressants, I have been for about eight months now , but I just feel so low at the moment. I don't even know why I'm writing this on here , hopefully someone will say that they have been through the same and it's not just me. I feel like a terrible parent.

  • Hi Luke's mummy,

    I've ever so sorry to hear about your loss, I know when I lost my mum the pain seemed to be so consuming at times and especially caring for a little one with autism can be emotionally testing at the best of times never mind when other live events take you by suprise. Don't forget how much inner strength you have and that you are human too and need a break.

    I agree with misskittykat, just take one day at a time, look out for the little things that make you smile and try to focus on the here and now. Mindfulness can really help in times like this. Sending you a big hug  

    I don't know if this would help you Luke's mummy, Leedsstar and miskittykat too but I wanted to ask any parents out there with sons and daughters with autism about what they think about a potential support group open to all. I currently work for a not for profit organisation that have just set up an autism service in York and although we work directly with adults with autism, we are really keen on running a monthy carers group where parents (of all age children/adults) can support each other, pick up skills on how to look after yourselves whilst caring for your loved ones, increase understanding about your childrens needs etc. I am a psychologist by training so would be keen on making sure the group has access to latest research and invite speakers. Do you think people would be interested?? It would be really great to hear from anyone that might be?? my email is [removed by moderator]

  • You are not a terrible parent though I know that feeling as I've had it many times.  There is a reason his behaviour is as it is and its not to do with parenting. My daughter needs so much care and at times I catch myself looking at other children and wishing she were like them.  Of course, I wouldn't swap her for the world but its so disheartening when you deal with major issues everyday.  I've just been to wake my daughter up and found a melted ice lolly on her kindle (she gets up in the night and helps herself to whatever she can find) but she's now on her way downstairs singing so thats made me smile again.  I think you have to just pick up on the little things each day and be grateful for the quirky sense of humour they have.

  • Hi lukes mummy, firstly let me say, it's no wonder you're feeling this way, trying to look after your son, who needs extra care, whilst suffering depression. As someone who has been depressed, I know how difficult it can be just looking after yourself. So please don't be too hard on yourself, you're a human being, and we all need a little help at times. 

    Have you got any other family or friends that you could reach out to and confide in, any support network? I also wonder if there are any local groups you could attend, to maybe meet up with other parents like yourself, so you can see you're really not alone. As I say, I suffered depression, and I have two kids, one with ASD, and I know how difficult it can be at times. Just try not to be too hard on yourself, because I'm sure you're doing a great job x