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Is my 5-year-old son Aspergers?

Worriedmummy

Hi, I have undiagnosed Aspergers in my family (my brother and possibly mum) and so I've always been worried that my children might suffer too.

My eldest is now 5 and whilst he has some traits but not others. It may be that he's just shy/intorverted and because I am inevitably going to worry about it, I would appreciate your views...

He hums a lot (monotone), usually when playing with vehicles (ie making the engine noise) but sometimes just for the sake of it. He is an extremely fussy eater, worse than any other child I know. A lot of this is to do with the texture of the food and he refuses to try most foods. 

He plays well one-to-one with other children but struggles in groups. At school he does everything with his best friend from nursery and his cousin, but doesn't seem interested in making other new friends. He is bright, especially with maths, but has issues with concentration and focus. 

His speech is almost always louder than necessary and quite nasal in quality (he does have some fluid in his inner ears though so this could be the reason). He can play independently for long periods and usually goes for the same kind of toy (right now lego but used to be cars) but enjoys a wide range of activities.

He often doesn't respond to greetings etc and isn't great at smalltalk, but this may be down to his age, shyness and taking a while to warm up. He has a few phobias eg handdryers and hairdressers but others (eg showers, hairdryers and alarms) we have made good progress on.

On the other hand, his eye contact is fine. He is very loving and tactile. He knows how to behave with other children (ie sharing etc) and is normally the well-bahaved one. He doesn't have meltdowns, he doesn't seem to have issues with change or routines, he does show empathy and keen to do the right thing. He does show creativity but not so keen in role-play etc, again maybe this is because he's more of an introvert. 

I have flagged up my concerns with the school and they are keeping an eye on him. They are not yet referring him for diagnosis. What are your gut feelings? Thanks

  • ASC is a difference, I think the problem is that you are seeing it as something entirely negative.  You need to change your views.  In a conducive environment/with the right support there is no reason a child with autism cannot go far.  I do not see myself as having something wrong with me.  I see it as I have a difference which can make things difficult at times.  But I feel that it's the failures in the NT world that make it so.

    My eldest child is unaware of her diagnosis.  But she still gets the supports.  You need to think of your child's needs.

  • I totally disagree with the statement that 'we are all on the spectrum to some degree', despite that it's claimed by people across the board.  ASC means different wiring of the brain and you either have that or you don't.

    Is it possible that your husband has made you think this, because he has been telling you everything was OK with your son?  I say this because my own husband refused to accept that our children had ASC, and even when the first diagnosis appeared he said "she'll grow out of it".  Many fathers seem to deny their children could have autism and make the mother think they are being neurotic.  I think you should trust your mother's instinct on what you need to do.

    Why do you think your son would be stigmatised?  You don't have to reveal a diagnosis to anyone that doesn't need to know.  If a child needs support, it's the label that usually opens doors to that support.  State services will hold onto their pennies if they can find a reason not to pay for things and lack of a diagnosis will give them as much excuse as they need if they can get away with it.  I certainly don't feel stigmatised by having Asperger's.

    Regarding yourself, perhaps if you read some information about female presentation of Asperger's you might see more traits in yourself than you have to date.

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/gender-and-autism/women-and-girls-on-the-autism-spectrum.aspx

    http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/index.php/about-aspergers/girls-and-women-who-have-aspergers

    http://www.willowhope.com/pages/aspergers-traits-in-girls

    http://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/

  • Hi, thanks for all that info. It's really interesting, I hadn't read about the different traits in women. But it's not me. I'm thinking I will probably get my son tested just for my own peace of mind as otherwise I'll be constantly thinking "what if..". I desperately don't want him to think there's anything wrong with him though as he is already lacking in confidence..

  • I have not pushed for a diagnosis as I always told myself that it's in my head - that I'm the one who is paranoid about it because of my family. My husband has never been worried about it and his nursery never had any concerns. It's only now that the school is concerned about his concentration that it's starting to be discussed properly. 

    I think the school would refer him for diagnosis if I pushed them to, but I'm also wary of him being labelled or stigmatised if he's just shy and lacking in confidence. Maybe I should just do it.

    As for getting myself diagnosed, I have done a lot of reading about Aspergers when we first suspected it in my brother and I don't think I don't recognise the traits in myself, although I appreciate we're all on the spectrum to some degree.

  • Why are you expecting/waiting for the school to refer him for an assessment?  This is your child and this comes under the health umbrella so the responsibility is on you as his parent to go to the GP and request a referral for assessment.

    The school would of course need to know if he is diagnosed, especially if it affects his learning.

    As you may have the condition he would be higher risk to have it if you have (although without a diagnosis you can't cite this of course).

    It might be a good idea to get yourself assessed as a diagnosis of your own would make them take more notice if you do get him assessed.

    From what you describe there are possible traits, as it's a spectrum it's hard to say and stereotypes are unhelpful.  Only a clinician can tell you for sure if your son has AS.