Meltdowns Meltdowns Meltdowns

Update: Thank you so much for all the help! She is now happy in her bedroom again after spending 3 nights with her sister. 

Unfortunately Chloe keep having meltdowns or becoming dysregulated. There's not much we can do to help apart from giving her space, intervening when necessary, and reminding her that we are here ready for when she wants to talk or message us. The meltdowns are a few times a day now, when we don't usually get many a month now. I know that with the spiders, the passing of her horse, holiday coming up this week, it is a lot for her to process all in a short period. She is also becoming upset about leaving school, which happened in September. The little things trigger her and it is hard for her siblings to understand that yes, that was the tipping point, but underneath there is so much going on. 

And once again, thank you everyone 

Dear Lucy,

Thank you for sharing this with our community. I am sorry to hear about what you and your daughter are going through. While we are waiting for the community to respond, you may want to look at our pages about meltdowns, https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns

Thank you. I hope this helps!

Warm regards,

Eunice

Can she swap rooms with her sister?

I would say the only way to prove that all spiders are gone is to completely empty her room, remove the cause of the problem and clean everything before it goes back in. If needs be maybe get pest control in. I guess when it happened for the second time this has been hugely overwhelming for her.

Hope it gets sorted soon and your daughter feels more regulated 

Black-and-white thinking.

I get a lot of spiders, in my home, due to the flies hovering around the area. They don't bother me. But maybe it's because I'm used to them.

Yeah if she didn't have arachnophobia before, she sure does now. There must be a reason so many spiders showed up in her room. Either there are egg sacs or a hole somewhere and something flushed them out, like a change in the weather. Whatever the case, what have you done to root out the cause of the sudden infestation, and prevent more from coming out? Basically the only way you're going to get your daughter to use that room again is if you can show her how the situation happened, what you've done to make sure it won't happen again, and then let her watch you inspect the room to make sure you got every spider out.

The meltdowns are happening because her mind is sending out way too many stress signals, keeping her in fight or flight mode. Of course she doesn't want to eat. Her brain is telling her body she's in danger. You need to prove to her she's not. Here's the kicker. You thought you got all the spiders out. You told her they were all gone. She went back into her room and found more. Her trust is violated.  It might sound dramatic, but her mind and body is in survival mode, and it's telling her that the last time she believed you when you told her she was safe, she got exposed to the danger again. I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty, but to warn you of how escalating thinking can lead to more problems in the future.

This would freak anyone out. My wife is not autistic, she would stay at her sisters and put the house on the market.

You daughter doesn't have any of these options - so what else can she do?

I don't have any answers - the meltdowns must be so challenging, but even though the meltdowns are autistic, her response overall is very real and 'normal' Especially, as the problem was fixed but then happened again - her trust in the system is eroded.

I hope that others have practical advice.