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Death of Pet

ParentingAutism

I can't explain how much I hate writing such devastating news especially the loss of a beloved pet. 

My daughter, Chloe, went out for dinner with her dad's family today and found out that her father's horse, Josie, passed away. He took Chloe to the stables so she could physically see this and to explain she is buried at the bottom of the field. This is the second horse that has passed away. 

She is absolutely devastated. I have offered if she wants to take but she shook her head and went to her room. I think she is in bed watching Netflix and probably will do this until she goes to sleep. 

How else can I help her with the death of her pet. She absolutely adores the horses. 

Thanks in advance 

Lucy

  • She just needs to grieve, allow her to do it in her own way and as Uhane said, ask her if she'd like some company. She will probably start asking questions about death and the afterlife, that you won't know how to answer, but discuss it with her, admit that you dont' know, maybe share different cultural beliefs about death and the afterlife and just listen and share.

    Every creature deserves to be mourned, to grieve is to show that you've loved.

  • Hi ParentingAutism, 

    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your pet. I understand that this may be a difficult time for you and your family.

    You may want to look at our resources on bereavement, they provide more information on this subject, how it can affect autistic people and what you can do to help: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/bereavement

    Kind Regards,

    Rosie Mod

  • Sit and quietly watch netflix with her. Unless she objects. Her choice of show. Just be there. Knock knock "can I come in a watch with you? I have insert fav snack here".  Dont push if she says no. But it's ok to ask again at alter time, say one hour. 

    I often process trauma and loss by watching shows. They can express what I cannot manage to. I have often wished there were someone with me to sit and see watch and understand thereby, It is easier for me to process if there is another person who is just there, not soothing actively, just there.

  • Some of us folk "feel" the death of an animal more (or at least equally) to the loss of a close familial human.

    Accordingly, even if you cannot understand how or why your daughter seems to act with excessive grief and bereavement, PLEASE accept her sadness as genuine, heartfelt and profound.  Do not diminish the reality of her loss.

    Beyond that piece of advice, I'm afraid it is over to "mum" to fill in the particulars of how best to support your daughter.

    Good luck, and I am very sorry for your loss. 

  • In my life, I've lost grandparents, great grandparents, an uncle, a cousin, and two dogs. The dogs hurt more than any of them. There's no need to mask with an animal. No need to repress yourself. You can bond in a way that can be incomparable to even the closest human relationships.

    Probably for your daughter, putting feelings into words is too hard right now. She's doing what she can to not be overwhelmed by her emotions through distraction. She probably will, as you say, watch Netflix until she falls asleep, because her mind will find ways to fill the silence of the night otherwise.

    She needs time to process it her way. There's no telling how long that will take. Make sure she still does the basic things she needs to do day to day. You can try to talk to her again, but I'd give her at least a day or two.