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Help - don't know what to do

struggling mum

Hi, Hope this is the appropriate place, I didn't know where else to go. My fiance (3 years) has suprised me with a week long holiday abroad in june (lucky me) but its not with my (or his) son. Whilst I appreciate his done this to have some couple time and give me a good rest (its been an extremely challenging year) I feel guilty going without my son. My son is 10 (who his arranged to stay with my mum and he has a son 7 who he sees weekends) On the one hand it would be lovely to have some 'me' time but I feel horrendously guilty at the thought of telling my son I'm going away and his not. Should I refuse to go? 

I've mentioned I feel I need to know 'the kids are sorted' and mention was made we'd take them for a UK holiday in the school holidays. I took my son away just him and I last year on our first holiday abroad and it was a bit challenging but he enjoyed and I'm worried he would feel he was being left out. 

Basically I feel torn - of course son is number one - always has been always will. I lack confidence in feeling as tho i'm making right decisions and I just need to hear from others what would you do if I may ask? 

Many thanks in advance x

  • Thank-you both for your replies - they are very much appreciated. I think some enjoyable activities and to Skype are great ideas. I also very much like your idea Intense of the logical answer you suggested I think that could work really well.

    I also think its worth thinking what my son thinks as suggested as have all these thoughts in my mind but of course he may have a different perspective. I think if I do go there is little doubt he'll be spoilt. I guess I need to know if its makes me a bad mum going away this time without my son. I think it would of been easier if it was a long weekend rather than 7 days.... but could very well be a long needed break from the daily stresses of life. I just need to make sure he has his break too. 

    Thanks again both for your thoughts - Hoping I will sleep better tonight :-)

  • I understand it may be difficult to ask outright but you might be surprised what your sons reaction may be. There will be some parts of the situation that just skip past him or that he would look forward to. There may be other things though, unsuspected details that he would find upsetting. As Intense World suggested if you can hear what he thinks you may be able to play the negatives off against the positives and you both end up refreshed.

    My 10 year old loves going to his Grandma with all its quirks that drives me barmy if I'm there. As long as he has a few of his special things with him he just gets on with it and then enjoys getting back home. His "fixed points" in his life aren't quite what you might expect. (e.g. reading in bed in the morning, playing a favourite game, recieving some company that he trusts/enjoys etc)

  • Could you make an exciting time of his stay with his gran?  Get some activities organised to make it like a little holiday for him?  You could arrange to Skype him once a day so he feels reassured whilst you are away.  It would be good to explain to him in a logical way too, why you need a break.  Tell him that electronic things that run on battery need recharging and that people are a bit like that too, they don't work as well if they don't sometimes get a recharge/holiday and you want to be the best mum to him that you can be.