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Help - don't know what to do

struggling mum

Hi, Hope this is the appropriate place, I didn't know where else to go. My fiance (3 years) has suprised me with a week long holiday abroad in june (lucky me) but its not with my (or his) son. Whilst I appreciate his done this to have some couple time and give me a good rest (its been an extremely challenging year) I feel guilty going without my son. My son is 10 (who his arranged to stay with my mum and he has a son 7 who he sees weekends) On the one hand it would be lovely to have some 'me' time but I feel horrendously guilty at the thought of telling my son I'm going away and his not. Should I refuse to go? 

I've mentioned I feel I need to know 'the kids are sorted' and mention was made we'd take them for a UK holiday in the school holidays. I took my son away just him and I last year on our first holiday abroad and it was a bit challenging but he enjoyed and I'm worried he would feel he was being left out. 

Basically I feel torn - of course son is number one - always has been always will. I lack confidence in feeling as tho i'm making right decisions and I just need to hear from others what would you do if I may ask? 

Many thanks in advance x

Parents

  • I understand it may be difficult to ask outright but you might be surprised what your sons reaction may be. There will be some parts of the situation that just skip past him or that he would look forward to. There may be other things though, unsuspected details that he would find upsetting. As Intense World suggested if you can hear what he thinks you may be able to play the negatives off against the positives and you both end up refreshed.

    My 10 year old loves going to his Grandma with all its quirks that drives me barmy if I'm there. As long as he has a few of his special things with him he just gets on with it and then enjoys getting back home. His "fixed points" in his life aren't quite what you might expect. (e.g. reading in bed in the morning, playing a favourite game, recieving some company that he trusts/enjoys etc)

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  • I understand it may be difficult to ask outright but you might be surprised what your sons reaction may be. There will be some parts of the situation that just skip past him or that he would look forward to. There may be other things though, unsuspected details that he would find upsetting. As Intense World suggested if you can hear what he thinks you may be able to play the negatives off against the positives and you both end up refreshed.

    My 10 year old loves going to his Grandma with all its quirks that drives me barmy if I'm there. As long as he has a few of his special things with him he just gets on with it and then enjoys getting back home. His "fixed points" in his life aren't quite what you might expect. (e.g. reading in bed in the morning, playing a favourite game, recieving some company that he trusts/enjoys etc)

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