Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi! My name is Nicola. I am a Mummy to an incredible 11 year old daughter who suffers with trauma related anxiety and is awaiting her diagnosis for autism.
My daughter's trauma was domestic violence at the hands of her father who now has no access. Unfortunately, I have no family support and no network. As I am sure you are all aware, this journey is hard work and lonely when you are doing it with support. I feel like I am drowning most days and simply can not take a break!
My daughter's school will not do an EHCP as she masks well and has a high IQ. Basically, they explained it is a lot of effort and won't help them! Unfortunately, her school is poor at best. There is hope as she starts secondary school in September. Well, hope, more stress.... same thing! Lol
I am really hoping to feel less alone and not the 'Freak' Mummy that the school mummy's make me feel. I need to speak with people who understand.
If anyone has applied for an EHCP or been in a similar situation I would be so grateful to hear any advice you have. I have applied to all the right organisations and support. It is people who have lived it and can give me hope to keep going I need!
Please be kind to me! I was at breaking point about 4 years ago! Lol
My daughter's happiness is my only goal right now. This obviously isn't helping my relationship with the school as their current focus is attendance and Statistics. Neither or which I care about! I am a firm believer that we go to school to learn to pass exams. Life skills are learnt once we leave school. Plus, as long as my daughter is happy I genuinely do not care what exams she passes or doesn't pass. I am so proud of my daughter everyday for all she struggles through. She passes the hardest exams everyday just getting up and living! If only her teachers could see that!
Thank you so much for giving me perspective on this x
Wow! Thank you so much Iain. I had no idea I could do this. Unfortunately, my confidence is not fantastic and the school definitely fob me off. I will read this and book a meeting with the school. Thank you so much for being so helpful and kind x
Thank you!
There is an appeals process for the EHCP (or lack of one) so I would start by asking the school to provide in writing their decision for the refusal as you will be escallating the issue to the tribunal. If nothing else it will make them think twice and they may change their mind.
https://educationadvocacy.co.uk/what-is-a-ehcp/appeals/
I have no connection to the above site but the process seems well laid out there - I would consider researching more before launching an appeal to make sure you understand the ins and outs of it - there doesn't seem too much legalese language so it should hopefully make sense.
Don't let the school fob you off without doing it in writing and make it plain to them you will be litigating if they are being negligent in their duty of care - these words will make them follow the letter of the regulations out of fear at the very least.
Good luck and congrats on holding it together for your daughter for so long.
I don't have experience of your specific reason for getting an EHCP, but do know in our area there are various charities and outreaches connected with Family Centres who can give support with EHCP s. I wonder if you do some googling in the local area or see if there any groups, often charities listed on the website of your local authority. Might be worth seeing if your CAB know of any locally.
Welcome Mummaloo
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm not in your position - I'm an older woman on the spectrum, but I can empathise. I was a SEN teaching assistant 30 years ago, when EHCPs were EPCs, and I remember how frustrating it could be trying to get one for a child that clearly needed support.
We often have parents posting on here, so hopefully you will be able to share experiences with someone in the same situation. Just keep in mind that school is not the be all and end all of education - I have learned more since leaving school than I did there, mainly through distance learning. The most important thing is that she is happy, and I'm sure you are helping her towards that goal.